Virbator (courtesy afflictor.com)

“A bomb squad blew up a briefcase and other suspicious items in a Pittsburgh man’s car Monday after he robbed a bank,” nbcnews.com reports. “With a sex toy. Specifically, a vibrator.” That’s the headline. Here are the ins and outs . . .

[Aaron] Stein was arrested after a PNC Bank in the Pittsburgh suburb of Crafton was robbed of an undisclosed amount of money Monday. Crafton Police Chief Mark Sumpter told NBC station WPXI of Pittsburgh that Stein “stated he had a bomb, showed the teller wires hanging out from his shirt and demanded cash.”

The robber drove off in a white Toyota, which was pulled over on a ramp to northbound Interstate 79 by Robinson Township police, Sumpter said.

Officers found money in a garbage bag, and beneath the front passenger seat, they found the device Stein is accused of having used in the bank robbery — “a makeshift box he made out of a box, black tape, vibrator and cellphone,” Sumpter said.

Clearly, we need to ban sex toys lest they be used for nefarious purposes.

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70 COMMENTS

    • I picked up on that right away. That was terrible, wasn’t it? Pffftttttttt (suppressed laughter).

    • Just another post to show that problem is the Perp and not the tools he used. So banning guns, knives, bats, etc., etc., etc.. is not the way to solve the problems of the world. In fact it is really a distraction from any kind of rational solution to anything. If there is a solution. There will always be some idiot that thinks he can get away with something and make some “easy money”.

  5. This is a knee-jerk reaction from the left wing anti-vibe crowd. You can have my Doc Johnson from my cold, dead hand!

    Lifetime Member of the NVA

  6. Vibrators are dangerous and need to be licensed, registered and severely restricted. A Universal background check would be helpful. Clearly, vibrators can slip into malicious hands with nasty intent. We may need smart vibrators. A vibrator in the hands of an inexperienced operator often returns unintended results. We’d be far better off without vibrators. Ban vibrators.

  9. I was watching the tv show sex sent me to the ER and this one one of the episodes. A vibrator can be a dangerous thing!!!

  10. Was it an assault vibrator? Did it have a pistol grip and adjustable stock? Was it select fire? We obviously need a new AVB on the books!

  11. To be fair, there are positives to allowing free and unfettered access to vibrators, not least of which is mitigating the unwelcome effects of unintentional discharges.

  12. Taking a different tack here……..how can it be a makeshift box if he used an actual box in its construction?

  13. Wait! What’s this guy’s name? We haven’t heard from Shannon in awhile. Where is her husband at??

    • If Shannon has one it is likely fed with dedicated 3-phase power…

      And the neighborhood lights dim momentarily when switched on…

  14. To go along with the comedy and bring it to a newer low. As a single man I am in favor of an out right ban on vibrators. They should not be allowed to be sold anywhere. 🙂 LOL

  15. I believe Arizona has a five vibrator limit. HOW MANY VIBRATORS YA GOT IN THERE? Clearly this is a pressing safety issue.

    • How many vibrators does one NEED anyway? I mean, look at the cold hard facts lest you get cold-cocked by them.

  16. “Nine times out of ten it’s an electric razor. But, every once in a while… it’s a dildo. Of course, it’s company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, “a dildo”, never … “your dildo”.”

    • There used to be women’s undies with a beeper pouch sewn in front…

      So they could be remote vibrated…

  19. This brings back memories of an old joke:
    Lady walks into a store and asks the clerk where the D cell batteries are. The clerk makes a finger gesture telling to lady to “come this way”. She says if I could come that way I wouldn’t need D cell batteries.

  21. Mr. Robert, while I find this piece funny, it’s only because this incident was comical. Equating the satiric regulating of vibrators at the regulations of guns is farcacil. While both guns to some, and vibrators to many give pleasure, vibrators and not designed to kill. Many people rob banks with various fake weapons. I’m a responsible gun owner, when you write pieces like this you are ridiculing the process and not helping our cause. Your byline states you want to discuss the fun and danger of guns. You’re not starting a discussion, you are inciting.

    • This incites nothing. How you choose to enjoy yourself in the privacy of your own home has nothing to do with “bank robbery by augmented dildo.”

      That is all.

      • The definition of incite is to mix things with the intention to disturb. The byline of this website is to discuss. Equating guns and vibrators does nothing to add to the discussion and only gives the Left ammo that gun owners laugh at any real discussion. I am also 100% behind you on what you want to do in your home is your right i.e. Having a gun, a vibrator, a copy of the constitution, even hosting same sex couples. It’s you house, your privacy

  22. …nine felony counts including aggravated assault, robbery, threatening to use a weapon of mass destruction….

    It seems to me that there is an unneeded letter somewhere in that sentence.

    • “If it saves even one child…”

      From being conceived…

      The savings for the guy over the next 18 years would be incalculable…

      🙂

  27. I know you’re trying to make a point here. . . but you know, there are actually states and localities that DO ban vibrators and sex toys. It’s sad. . . even when trying to be absurd, government’s already done it.

  31. If the vibrator industry were as regulated as the firearms industry, all the devices featured on the website f–kingmachines dot com would be post-ban and illegal for civilian possession unless they had a demo letter from Larry Flynt and had paid their SOT and had the proper FFL.

  32. wonder if he had an NFA stamp, Was it registered as a lethal weapon! bet they caught him as he tried too hide it and it accidentally came on

  33. Little Chucky Schumer is set to introduce new legislation to ban the unlicensed sale of dangerous, high capacity, high voltage, assault stimulation devices. He also denied rumors that his wife chipped a tooth on a chrome plated version she received from an unnamed admirer.

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