P1000124Medium

By Lewis Dunn

Using this time-tested method, I have acquired some 20,000 rounds of various calibers, a SIG 716 DMR with Vortex Viper glass, a Century C39v2, a Ruger 22/45 with can, a Ruger 10/22 Takedown and lots of other accessories, mags, etc. over the last two years. All without the significant other objecting in the least. Follow these instructions and you too can accumulate the firearms and accessories you’ve always wanted . . .

Grocery shopping
Be a good husband and offer to go to the grocery as often as possible. Pay with your debit card. Cash back? Absolutely. Twenty dollars a pop adds up quickly. Any more and you risk being caught. You can easily dismiss the $20 as “lunch money for tomorrow” if the wife asks.

Home Depot
When buying stuff for weekend honey do’s, buy some type of tool for around $50 to $100. Be sure to pay with debit. When the wife asks how you spent $100 on nails and wood, you truthfully tell her you had to buy a drill bit set or something. Later that week, return the item for cash. Note: you must have your receipt and have paid with debit, otherwise it will be credited back to your account.

Back order is your friend
When that case of 5.56 you ordered two days ago gets delivered. Use these words: “What bullets? You know what? Those must have been the bullets that were on back order six months ago.” This technique works for all sorts of gun parts, clothing or accessories.  

Obama
New gun or a dozen PMAGs. “Honey, this is one of those guns/mags that Obama is going to ban. It’s an investment, kind of like beanie babies.” 

EMP/cyber attacks
Casually bring up news reports of EMP threats and cyber attacks. Be sure to spell out the process of societal collapse. This will usually put her in “prepping” mode. You want this to be her idea. Perfect time to order some dehydrated food and that case of 7.62 x 39.

Business purchase
If you’re in a business that maybe sells to said retailer of your liking… “I was in there calling on them”.   I had to buy a box of bullets or this Mbus.  I bought a nice craft bourbon just last week using this technique.

Get the kids involved
The more they shoot, the more guns and ammo you need.  Women are easily fooled by this old ploy.  “Honey, Susie is such a great shot, she hits the target almost every time.  We are really enjoying spending time together”  (note the “quality time with kid” must be deployed for maximum effect).  “oh by the way, that $100 on the card was for the 22 bullets SHE shot up”  BTW shotgun shells and clay pigeons make great Easter basket and stocking stuffers.  Yes, just this Easter, the “bunny” left my son a hundred rounds and a box of pigeons.

Shop at Walmart or any department store that sells ammo. Stay away from sporting goods stores as these raise red flags. There are two methods that can be used here:

1. Always and I mean ALWAYS buy at least one box of ammo with anything you purchase. Make sure your wife isn’t present. Once you are busted, it won’t work. So don’t chance slipping a box under the paper towels, it’s not worth it.
2. The “return”…unlike Home Depot or other retailers, “store credit” is good here because most Walmarts sell ammo. Use this credit to buy anything cool.

Final tip: ever ever keep your receipt for any gun-related items, ammo etc. Throw these away or do not take the receipt at all.  If you do throw it away, DO NOT throw it away in one of your homes cans.

Follow these useful tips and you will be well on your way to building your own personal arsenal.

RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR

120 COMMENTS

    • Look on the bright side, boys. The women who would marry knuckledraggers who would implement these “tips” are equally if not more proficient on returning the falsehood favors.

      • “The women who would marry knuckledraggers who would implement these “tips” are equally if not more proficient on returning the falsehood favors”

        hahaha, Buddha couldn’t have said it better

    • TANSTAAFL. There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch – Robert A. Heinlein “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress”

      Anything you buy with a credit card that offers you cash back at some point – they have included that cash amount hidden somewhere in your purchase price AND they are charging you interest on that amount right up to the day you get your own money back. It’s a scam, like overpaying your income tax withholding and thinking the IRS is giving you something on April 15.

      • Cash back is different for debit and credit. Debit cash back is just withdrawing money from your account directly without having to use an ATM. There are no fees involved because you’re not using an ATM, and if your bank charges you money just to use your debit card, then you need to find a new bank.

      • He meant using your debt card at the checkout stand. You know where they ask every single time if you want cash back, save you the trip to the ATM. He’s pocketing that extra 20 bucks and putting it towards his addictions and hiding it from the wife. Along with the trips to home depot, lying about business expenses along with everything else.

        At this point…he’d be far better off solely using reward points you’re talking about…would save him money and from getting caught…that is a ton of money he’s spent the past two years.

        But yeah…no. Just such a bad idea overall. Relationships are built on trust and ain’t going to be using my kids to feed my habits. This guy has a serious problem. Don’t get me wrong, the stuff he has and the hobby is cool; it’s just the way he’s going about doing it.

        Was this article meant to be serious or as a joke?? As a joke it’s pretty good. But as something serious…well this is a bit much. If this is serious, the dude needs some serious help and I ain’t joking.

        • I totally agree with you. If you have to lie to you’re significant other to buy all this stuff and something is definitely wrong.

    • The name of this article should be called “how to buy a gun without requesting your balls back from your wife’s purse.”

      The premise of this article is sad and it’s overall one of the worst I’ve ever seen on this site. It was depressing rather than humorous and if any of this is to be taken seriously anyone following any of this advice is in a broken relationship.

      I look forward to your follow up article on how to secretly wear pants behind your wife’s back before she catches you and reminds you she’s the one that wears the pants around here.

      • We’d like to invite you to our party tonight. We need to make sure someone is there to keep the fun level down.

        • Your parties must not need someone to keep the fun level down if this article is the kind of thing you think is “fun.”

    • I don’t worry about it. If she doesn’t approve, I just let her go without it for a couple of days. She always comes around!

  2. I was afraid to set my phone down with this post open, lest my wife sees it. I have applied many of those tactics and although it’s primarily TIC, most of those “skills” work. I wouldn’t advocate buying something and returning it tho.

    The “dollar cost averaging” method of debit purchase plus a Benjamin or Jackson quickly makes a $400 item $300.

  3. Glad my wife isn’t a bitch and I don’t need to hide money from her.

    Really bad relationship advice here.

    • I think (or hope) that much of this post was “tongue-in-cheek” advice.

      It sounds like advice in “how to be a dishonest wimp of a husband”.

      Sadly, I have to admit to having made some firearm related purchases “under the wife radar”.

    • Word. Grow some balls and quit lying. If you’re lying to her about money what else are you lying to her about?

      • Yep. There’s artifice and then there’s outright lying. The former can be kinda fun but the latter is downright destructive. Women in good relationships will accommodate and even enjoy the former but it’s best not to have loaded guns in the house if you’re doing the latter. This’ll work for ammo, of course, but it also works for guns, and cars, and guitars and . . .

  4. Trust is the most valuable asset in any relationship. All of your suggestions undermines that trust. In my relationship with my wife, I tell my wife when I’m buying ammo, supplies, going to the range, etc… Be upfront about it and make your spouse a convert to the sport so you don’t have to sneak behind their back when you find a good deal on a brick of .22 lr.

    • You need to tell her when you buy socks/underwear, a case of Pepsi, oil/filter, 100rd of 5.56?

      All irrelevant info. Grow a pair.

      • Why don’t you grow a pair and actaully read what he wrote.

        Maybe the 2nd sentence he wrote.

        Yeah, he was probably exaggerating and joking about telling the wife when he buys a brick of 22lr.

        But spending the 10-20k, most likely more, the guy who wrote the article spent behind his wife’s back is definitely not cool.

        So yeah, we don’t get permission from the old lady for oil, air filter, car wash, wax, car cover, spark plugs, hoses, gas and etc. But damn sure get her input or at least let her know before we drop 25k on that 1967 Chevy Impala we’ve been looking at. And if we buy shit for the Impala we don’t act like a little bitch and do it behind her back like this guy in the article. If I didn’t know better, I’d say this guy has got a drug or alcohol problem with how he’s got everything planned out.

  5. Or you know, just marry a women who like to shoot and has a proper fear of regulation. Worked for me. Now we go to shopping and if I forget to buy a box of ammo she is the one that reminds me.

  7. My favorite tactic is the “extra bank account”. Put whatever you can in each month from direct deposit. Each time I get I raise, I slightly increase what I save. As long as you can keep the pay stub from your spouse, you can stash away a good bit of money.

    Thank goodness my company has gone to direct deposit and paperless accounting!

    • If you have to go to such lengths to hide money from your wife, you may have chosen poorly when shopping for a spouse.

      • Just so you know, we will have been married 19 years in a couple of months, and been together for over 23. I read somewhere that the average length of a marriage that ends in a divorce is 8 years. I think we are OK.

        If we make a choice to organize our live like this, then we do so. She does the same thing with shoe and purse money, personally I think of it as harmless subterfuge, and obviously an open secret.

        Perhaps the user named Stinkeye would like to share his relationship advice and how well that has worked for him. Many of you users sound like SJW, pitiful.

        • Agree. I don’t use the tactics described here. I also don’t advertise what I spend though. My wife does the bills so she has a pretty good idea. I usually spend a few hundred a month on firearms related things, and she doesn’t mind. Conversely, if she spends a few hundred a month on what I would consider frivolous purchases, I don’t complain. She extreme coupons as a hobby and easily saves a few hundred in grocery expenses monthly. It’s a wash.

  8. “I ordered it for my (Dad, Brother, Friend) they’re gonna pay me back.”

    Firearms need to be picked up at the FFL of your choice anyway, so they’re usually easy to acquire, just don’t give her the code to the gun safe!

  9. I use several of these methods. I just returned 97 dollars in lumber back to Home Depot. I usually over buy on projects.

  10. I’m on my second year of marriage, buying as much as I can before I’m forced to consolidate our accounts. I’m also thankful that she has bad gun recognition skills. “No hunny, this is the Smith and Wesson M&P 45 I bought before we even met, you’re thinking about that Beretta 92 that my Dad has. ” Providing extra details helps confuse them.

    • See, this is why the article is not particularly humorous. Because it’s a real thing that people do.

      BTW, if you have these kinds of concerns, and you distrust your wife so much, I doubt your marriage is going to be successful.

  11. I thought that the OP was being humorous, so I enjoyed the article.

    What works just as well, and does not involve dishonesty, is to take the wife on a tour of her shoes whenever she complains that her husband has too many guns.

    And gals, it works the other way around, too. Whenever he complains that he has to build a new closet because there’s no more room in there due to too many of your shoes, remind him that you recently had to buy a new gun safe because the other two were full.

    • I use the shoe thing all the time. Hell, I even go shoe shopping with her and find the right sizes and stuff. That’ll get you points every time.

  12. I do not need to deceive, play money games, bribe, or work my way around the wife to buy arms & ammo.

  13. I’m sorry but if you must employ these methods, maybe you should man up , see a lawyer and cut your losses. Then you’ll be able to buy as much as you can afford

  14. My wife is awesome, her theory is, you buy your gun, but you are buying mine next, communal property either way, ammo, well i drop $100 at a time every couple weeks minimum, she even says we gotta feed those kids as well, I don’t hide anything like that from her, half of “my guns” are in her name, she got me a reloading setup and a .45 for my birthday, shes a keeper.

    • Jeez, some of these comments about the nasty, liar advice can’t see the obvious good natured satire.

      Maybe it’s y’all’s relationships that need some work, my wife got a laugh out of this.

      “Just try it”.

        • Sure, hey I haven’t read all the contest entries but I read a few of them. I enjoyed this one the most.

          I don’t get it, I could see immediately that it was meant in fun. Oh well. 🙂

  17. MY wife wants me to buy more guns-his & her models. Everything I have is hers. And I’m cool with that. YMMV(and know yer bein’ cute here)…

  18. How about “Bitch, STFU! I can spend my money any flocking way I feel like. Now, get me a beer”

    Teach the stoopid kunts who the man is.

    • 4 kids, wife does not work, Zero debt, and I am self employed. I think I have things under control. How about you big guy?

      • Then why are your writing articles about how to fool your wife?

        Good grief. Even as humor or satire, this article is dumb. For a lot of reasons.

        But, keep telling us how “right” you are…cuz defensiveness on the Internet is so manly and independent.

  20. Boy…some of you fellas are so sensitive…. Mostly this was written to be light and funny. But I think it has definitely struck a nerve with some of you. Maybe that is the sign of good writing. Those most vocal are usually the ones that need to be looking in the mirror.
    Fwiw. Been married for almost 2 decades and I can guarantee you she knows everything. They always do. It’s more of a fun game than anything.

    • This article read like it was plagiarized from a drug addict advising how to hide your addiction. Very poor attempt at humor.

    • I see. You must be British.

      I’ve never been good with such dry humor. Or are we 15 days late for April 1st? And who says both wives and husbands don’t need help hiding gun purchases from their husbands and wives, that would have been easier to spot this piece as a joke. And why joke about such dumb sh*t. (Not to mention the number of folks who actually hide things from their wives and who will think this is serious…)

      Glad you cleared that up. Boy, was I worried there for a second. Wasn’t sure if this was serious or satire. Having the current 4 candidates running for president has thoroughly ruined my BS meter.

      Had to read this far down into the comments to find your comment about this being a joke piece. Anyway we could label these next time as such?

      Every other news agency/blog labels editorials and advertisements plainly and as such, why not this website?

      This is the Truth About Guns, or are you guys turning into the Boston Globe? (Okay now where’s the fake front page if Clinton, Cruz or Sanders is President)

      I mean if I didn’t honestly know who was running for president I’d tell you to STFU 5 times and then probably slap you.

  21. This was a good article. An even better one along the same lines? One of the stories in “The Grasshopper Trap,” by Patrick McManus, is called “Gunrunning.” It is both hilarious as well as a must read for any gun guy who gets married.

  23. I read this more as a humorous entry and sort of snarky as anyone who knows and wants a relationship to last is a couple that shoots together stays together or at least keeps honesty in the forefront… My wife when first met her knew my passion for things that go bang and she didnt really care for it (Not anti per se but so much she didnt know due to lack of experience) and I wasnt going to be changed after lifetime of plinking on up but I made a decision to bring her in to the fold of the fun of an afternoon at the range then we would go to lunch was how it started and I saw the glint in her eye and excitement of the first shoot ( I used airsoft to teach her the four rules and bb guns in the yard at first along with went over how anything we were taking to range gave instruction before hand). Some of my pistols at time were a bit much for her so The joy she had when I gifted her her first walther P22 – that things shoots like butter! I let her pick it out and do the deal with the salesman within earshot of course… And then got her the tried and true 10/22 rifle that she now wields like Annie Oakley on the range and oft outshoots me with it! Have worked her up calibers since and she loves shooting the AR and anything I can run by her and I dont see that changing in near future. Keep it real, keep it safe and keep it honest… And most of all – remember – your pistol is only necessary to get you back to your rifle. Which your wife has locked and loaded and ready to hand off… 🙂 Relax people – He was being funny and succeeded! Great read for a Friday!

  24. Guys, guys, it’s a satire! Relax, calm down, it’s not relationship advice.

    In my home, I’m the one who enjoys shooting and I might be guilty of saving my ‘lunch money’ to pay range fees. My husband has never complained about my trips to the range and will cover with the kids to accommodate me.

  25. Thought we covered the slope of deceiving your wife. Man Up get a part time job to support your habit.

    Boy would you feel slighted if your wife was embezzling the same way. Maybe she is.

  26. Wow… I must be doing it all wrong. Here’s my guide:
    1. Don’t marry a hoplophobe
    2. Give your spouse a gun for Christmas your first year together, if she doesn’t like it… See rule #1!

    My wife loves shooting, She actually got mad at me this week when I said I made plans to go to the range without her! Guess I’m one of the lucky ones!

  27. Or one could simply merry the right woman to begin with .
    I bought a Rolex , blackface Explorer II , without “asking ” . I earn a living as a firefighter , just to put it in perspective .

  29. It is a lot easier to just get her involved in shooting in general. Then when you want/need something just go get it… just try not to break the budget…but if you must break it…buy one for her too!

  30. I bought my XD 45 on the sly using some cash I put away and just but it in the safe. When my wife opened it up to get her M-9 her first words were “when did you buy this?” Lesson learned. Just tell her. My advice to all of you is if you have to lie about it then maybe you shouldn’t buy it.

  32. The satire is strong with this one. Luckily, I don’t have to do any of this. My shooting habits long preceeded our relationship and she knows how important it is to me. Hell I just picked up a new gun today, she thinks it’s badass.

  33. Old theory for those with the car collecting bug. Buy a old transit bus and park it “out back”. As acquire new “investments” just move the bus closer to the house and park you new wheels safely out of sight on the far side of the bus.

  34. I am a grown man with my own money and my own bank account. I left home some 19-20 years ago and never looked back. I am married sure, but I did not marry my mother or some skirt that acts like my boss. I can imagine that your wife spending thousands of dollars that you don’t have to waste on skirts and high heels would piss you off pretty bad. I may not be perfect but I am not a liar.

  35. Some of you still don’t get it…it was intended to be light and funny.

    I beginning to think there are a bunch of liberals trolling around here. Every so sensitive.

    And Wade, my wife does spend thousands of dollars that I do have…on things I don’t necessarily approve of, but I really don’t mind because if that’s what makes her happy, I don’t worry about it.

    • Glad you knew it was meant as a joke. Even though it wasn’t mentioned anywhere nor ridiculously over the top. It read as a how to for an addict without any satire.

      Anyways, my BS meter is thoroughly screwed up now because of the 4 candidates running for president.

      Or maybe it’s just late at night and I don’t find much humor in lying to the wife and using kids to help feed an unhealthy addiction. Being selfish, driving the family into financial ruin, being irresponsible with your business, a business your employees count on you for, abusing/using children to feed your addictions, a wife you are dishonest to and a lot of other so called “liberal” things this guy is doing…I guess your ideas of conservative values are vastly different then what everyone else believes…but hey, that’s just my opinion.

      And I thought it was the libtards who supported those who had addictions, lied, joked, cheated and needed safe spaces? Or are conservatives doing that now? Great…now us gun owners need to find another party to support…

    • “it was intended to be light and funny. “

      But it failed. That’s the point some of us are trying to make to you, but you won’t hear it.

      Whatever, man. Just “man up” and admit you struck out on this one. If you have to explain that your piece was “light and funny,” then it was NOT funny. I don’t recall George Carlin ever having to explain to someone that what he said was a joke.

      I got from the first reading that it was supposed to be humorous. I just found it lame and of an adolescent level of humor. Sorry if that stings, but that was my reaction.

      Why did I think it was lame? Because it was an attempt at easy humor. There’s nothing clever or subtle about it. It p’s me off because it was a lazy “fool the wife” joke, not something that really took any thought at all.

      So, yeah, we get what you TRIED to do. We are just telling you that you did not accomplish it. Try again with some grown-up level humor that’s above and beyond working the premise of “lying to someone you love and who trusts you” and maybe the response will be better.

      • Jr…I just read your comment and can appreciate your point of view that it was not entertaining for you. I take no issue with that. I guess what surprised me was the personal attacks from others who really don’t know me. Anyways, I suppose they are entitled to voice their opinions. Maybe that’s why I don’t write for a living lol.

        Again thanks for your assessment.

        • Well, hat is off to you for making a submission at all.

          That’s more than I will do. 😉

  36. Or…
    1) find a spouse who doesn’t micromanage your finances and accepts that you like to buy the things you like.
    2) Find a partner who shares your enthusiasms.
    3) Stay single or maintain separate finances. Mixing money is a bad idea in most interpersonal relationships. If your incomes are equal, then keeping them separate just makes sense. If however, here is disparity in your incomes, mixing only creates winners and losers. Either way it’s a bad idea.

    Unless you have children… then you have chosen to have children and not money. It’s a fair enough trade for those who choose to make it. Personally I’d rather have guns, but I accept that others may choose differently and I need your children to fund my future social security so good on you!

  37. I call BS on much of the above, as, regardless on how “honest” we are with spouses, sometimes they spend significant monies without consulting us first and we too are upset (but get over it quickly) – see purse, shoes, mother in law gifts, etc. come on, not wanting to come clean with gun toys knowing one might take shit is natural, and not indicative of a future divorce. Full disclosure, we have a deal that any purchase over $1500 has to be discussed, and she has pressed “purchase” on several of my gun toys costing over $3k, but still gives me shit on monthly $300 ammo buys (“more bullets?”)

  38. I get that this is satire but this is the worst article I have seen on guns in a long time. (and that’s saying a a lot). If this is how you have to joke about buying guns because it is even somewhat like your home life why are you even married? If you have to do all these things to get to buy a gun and ammo (something that makes you happy), why stop there. Since you are lying to your wife about finances and weapon’s purchases that you are bringing into your shared home why not get a couple of side chicks or at least a regular hooker set up. What’s the difference just add another tool onto your home depot run.

  41. Don’t forget guys to only tell the wife after the gun has already been bought if she ever brings it up.

  43. One of the great things about my wife is that she loves guns as much as I do and regularly suggests we go on a ‘range date.’ We go the the range for a couple of hours and then out to lunch. Last Christmas I gave her a Government Model. She loves it and shoots it every week.

  44. As long as the bills get paid on time and we’re not scraping together change for grocery money, my wife doesn’t complain when I buy guns.

  45. fabulous comments.
    holeshot holdsworth once told me that “marriage is a battle of controlling resources.”
    shwink dinkelman impressed me with his “do what you want, you’ll get yelled at anyhow” advice.
    life is a game, and you’ve gotta keep score.

  47. If this is a serious article, it’s lousy advice and I’m unimpressed that TTAG decided it was worth posting.
    If this is a humorous article, it’s not funny, and I’m unimpressed that TTAG decided it was worth posting.

  48. My wife and I have understanding that I like guns. She knows I have to go to the gun show twice a year. As long as I’m not spending money that we don’t have or money that we are trying to save, she doesn’t care if I buy some gun stuff.

  50. So ol’ Lew wants us to lie to our wives, embezzle from our community/marital bank accounts, prevaricate to our wives, acquire stuff with community (marital) funds, conceal our actions and use our children as pawns to acquire property. Wow. Lew, you are one unethical dude. I weep for the PoTG community for the fact that you’re part of it.

    Saying later on that it was all a joke or tongue in cheek to cover your ass when everyone piles on you about being an unethical prick is even less ethical. First you were just dishonest, then you were a flat liar, now we just can’t tell anymore.

  51. I have an even better option. Instead of being a sniveling child you could try some open and honest communication about your priorities and set the direction for your family like a man. Works well for me and I dont have to worry about my wife finding an article I write on my strategy and sending some unpleasant paperwork my way.

  52. Man, it is a sad day when articles like this are written….

    I get that not every spouse is going to be overly supportive of our 2A rights. Kicking someone to the curb because of that isn’t reasonable, we all understand that as well. But blatantly lying to someone to get what you want is immature and cowardly. If you feel you need another firearm, have the discussion with your spouse BEFORE buying it. Convince them that its worth the effort and money, just don’t try and blow smoke up their ass. That is one clear way to drive a wedge between each other and make future purchases even more tedious. Detail why you need/want it, how you intend on paying for it and most importantly the positive aspects of having made the purchase.

    Dropping several hundred dollars on a firearm will make any spouse’s head spin so if there are takeaway points from the article that I would agree with is to make layaway purchases and slowly/steadily set aside funds for an expensive purchase.

    Anyone who has been married knows that a successful one is about compromise. Give up something in return during the savings period or do something extra for her and the family to ease them into it.

    Just be an adult about it.

  54. Let’s get something straight, I wear the pants, but she does pick them out, wash them, put them away and decides when they need to be replaced, but I wear the he’ll out of them, past two days I’ve spent a touch over $200 in ammo, she smiled. I put my shotgun on layaway and spaced telling her, a month later when we got it out, she asked why I didn’t tell her, I explained, since the beginning of February we’ve invested almost 5k on guns and ammo, I couldn’t remember if I told her, she did understand and told me, at least you didn’t hide it, only gun purchase I hid from her was for her Sig p290rs, as it was a gift from me, as soon as I paid that layaway off she jumped for joy, even after showing her my new rifle first, get a good woman fellas, and forget about dishonesty, I’ve got permission to save up for his and hers ar’s, and a pair of kimber 1911’s, about 4k between the four guns, awesome wife! 🙂

  55. I know this is probably supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, but to me it’s too realistic to be funny. Just be honest like with everything else in your married life. You’re being honest with her about everything else, right?

    Easy for me to say, though. My wife loves guns and built her own AR-15. I’m buying her a S&W Bodyguard for her birthday next month so she has something she can carry in workout and summer clothes. Her current EDC, a Glock 27, is a tad bulky for form-fitting outfits.

  56. Y’all crack me up…. I think some of the offended due to the fact that YOU ASSUME this is taking away from other financial responsibilities. I can assure all of you it is not. Without being boastful, I can testify that i have 4 kids all in private school ( I prefer public) , a wife that does not work outside the home( being a mother is the toughest job ever!), i have zero debt ,except for the house which is 85% paid off. 529s are fully funded and i pay more taxes than the average american earns. So i think i am doing ok. (Yes i know there many people that do better and my hats off to you for working hard….but feel I am doing just fine). Yes, those tips have been utilized sometimes..so what. It’s a nice feeling to see something you want and just pay for it, without it coming out of your operating account….kind of like finding a 20 dollar bill in your pant pocket while doing laundry. As I may have previously stated, I have been married for almost two decades and she knows everything. She has access to every account, email, phone etc.

    I will also state that the intent of the article is not intended to outright decieve your spouse in a malocious manner…more of a fun game…she knows what i am up to. If you employ these tips and get caught, well so be it. If your finances or spouse can’t handle it, you have other problems.

    It is a sad state when so many of you can throw stones and make judgement on someone else with so little information. I suggest you take a look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are perfect.

    For those that do not think the spending is balanced…. Let’s see…remodel this last year 300k and still going….

    Fwiw…I am not upset, but I am truly surprised at how many of you took serious offense. I sincerely hope all those offended can have a serious moment of reflection and look inward to determine why you hold such hostility towards others…..

    Ask your self this….when you are in your car…if someone cuts you off or drives down the emergency Lane to get in front of everyone….do you get angry? Or try to prevent them from passing. I suspect that those of you throwing hostility towards me or ttag for posting this are the ones that get angry. I used to be that guy..not anymore. Who knows if the other drivers is trying to get to the hospital because his child was in am accident at school. Did the guy cutting you off just make a mistake? Not all people are perfect like you. Point is don’t be so quick to judge people.

    LASTY….just to spite all you haters…I think TTAG should award me the pistol.

    • I loved the article. I also read every comment to date. Satire or not, there is some truth to the premise that these techniques can be and are employed every day by some people. MrColionNoir did a YouTube video years ago about how to know you are a gun nut and one of the examples given was the need to hide your gun purchases from your significant other. It was funny and true then and it is funny and true now.

      For those who say, “Man up” or “Marry the right woman,” I say to remember that YMMV. For many men and women, the choice to quietly buy something you want without your spouse’s approval doesn’t mean you married the wrong person or that there is a need for the extreme of divorce. You can love your spouse but just not want the hassle that follows when she sees you walk in the door with a black tupperware box and says, “What’s THAT?” Set guns aside and this is something that goes on all day long in millions of marriages. The techniques may vary, but people do it.

      For those that say the techniques suggested are dishonest, Google search the term “financial infidelity.” What you will find are a slew of articles, mostly published by the Huffington Post (LOL) that will try to indoctrinate you into believing that spending YOUR OWN MONEY THAT YOU EARNED WORKING AN HONEST JOB on THINGS YOU WANT that DO NOT HARM YOUR FAMILY is “infidelity” unless you get the permission of your spouse. I call BS. To equate a modest level of financial independence from your spouse with an act like banging your secretary is hippy-dippy baloney. In one article, the psychopath who wrote it argued that she was justified in divorcing her husband because he was “embezzling” more than the $20/week snack money (yes…SNACK MONEY!) he was allotted. It is a ridiculous concept and it should be roundly criticized.

      You don’t need to tell your wife when you admire another beautiful woman. You don’t need to confess every white lie you ever told her. You don’t need to tell her you’d rather watch football with your buddies than go to her parents’. And you don’t commit a marital crime by spending money you earned on something you want, whether you tell her or not. Now, if you spent the mortgage money or junior’s college money, shame on you. Not for doing it without telling her, but for being irresponsible to the detriment of your family.

      Oh, and if Lew wins the gun, which he should, there is no way he will be able to tell his wife how he did it, LOL! And that’s okay.

      • ” mostly published by the Huffington Post (LOL) that will try to indoctrinate you”

        Tip of the day: Don’t take life advice from HuffPoo. That stuff will rot your brain.

        At least you did use the word “indoctrinate.”

      • Thank you Lance…a true voice of reason…this is a man that I could hang out and enjoy a cold brew with. ( no guns present of course)

    • While some of the comments here are a bit over zealous, your haughty attitude of “my relationship works this way, so I’m right” isn’t any better.

      Just some neutral (or attempted at least) facts to think about for both sides:
      – Some people come from broken homes where this kind of attitude has ripped their family apart. Meant in jest or not, it just isn’t funny.
      – Lying is deceiving someone purposely. Lying to a loved one, no matter how “good” your relationship, is harmful. Period.
      – Mutual jesting, which at that point is no longer lying, can be fun, and for some strange reason, is a human behavior often used to express love.
      – If your SO has to know absolutely everything all the time then there are some serious control issues. On the other side, if you don’t want to share things, doesn’t that defeat the entire point of the relationship?
      – You can’t surprise or give good gifts without hiding things, the difference being genuine intent. Humans are weird.
      – These kind of jokes are generally best left to those who actually know you.

      On a personal note, and due to my own life experiences, I don’t believe I would ever take this as funny. I believe it to probably come along the same lines as the reason I never say I’m gonna “kill” or “shoot” someone in anger anymore. I carry always, and it bothers me greatly, even when someone else says it, especially when a family member says it and they also carry. But I keep quite. I used to say it. It used to mean nothing to me.

      Life experiences make all the difference, but don’t necessarily prove a right or wrong.

  57. Or, tell your wife, “Hey, I’m setting aside $xxx for myself every month to buy what I want.” In my case it’s $100 and with a low four-figure required IRA distribution (I’m fairly young, I inherited it) I usually buy a gun. So over the course of 5 years I end up getting 6-8 firearms and a load of accessories. All with the full blessing of my wife.

    The writer of the article is a passive-aggressive wimp who wastes his time and gas running around returning crap, and lying to his wife as well.

    • + 10
      Agree completely. Lying to your spouse is not a good way to keep a healthy relationship.

  59. Never use a debit card.

    A better trick is to get a FFL. Then you can buy stuff for inventory and try it. Then sell it.

    Don

  61. Talk about someone undeserving of their partners trust. A marriage is a partnership and this in many ways is cheating on that partnership. Not only are you lying but you are also stealing from her.

  62. …If you have to resort to Kafkaesque methods to hide a hobby you love from your wife, then why did you marry her?

    I feel like something that gets to this point is just like religion in a relationship. You can disagree about and ignore a lot of things, but it’s almost impossible to make a relationship work if one of you is devoutly religious and the other is very much not so. Save yourself the trouble and don’t marry an atheist if you’re a Catholic. Etc. Similarly, if you want to own/carry/use guns, maybe don’t marry someone so against the idea that you have to lie to them on a regular basis to pursue that goal. You’ll save money in the long run by avoiding alimony payments.

    • ADM

      please read comment …..
      Lew says:
      April 16, 2016 at 13:25

      ALSO…..
      i might also add…one can discover new hobbies not previously enjoyed before marriage.
      My wife dislikes motorcycles….yet I have purchased 6 (2 without even asking) since we have been married and she just told me I could get another one. My son has been riding motorcycles since he was 3….he was riding a motorcycle before he could ride a bike.

      Women are strange in a wonderful way..at least my wife is!!!!! perfect example…a few years ago she went with me to pick a new bike….. I showed her the one i wanted and she liked it. She then asked about the one beside it, indicating that she thought it looked nicer. I said I liked it too, but it was about 25% more. (it was a limited edition model). She said…”if you are going to get one, you might as well get the best”. So I got that one. Even though she does not like motorcycles she wanted me to have the best. That is just the way she thinks….I LOVE my wife, I would do anything for her. Judge yourself before you judge others.

      Point is….Your spouse does not necessarily have to approve or enjoy your hobbies….there are many other factors that contribute to a healthy relationship.

  63. Or you could be something other than a spineless wuss and just buy the damn gun. You are supposed to be the man, the decision maker, if your budget allows the purchase man the F up and just do it.

    • Andrew..

      Please read…
      Lew says:
      April 16, 2016 at 13:25

      And your advise is sound, to a point….I do make the decisions, especially on small items like guns etc…..but on important and high budget items, school, house etc, we make a team decision. I guess that makes me less manly…I am ok with that.

      Good luck in dealing with your insecurity issues.

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