Oakland air horn babylon bee
Courtesy Babylon Bee

By Mark Oliva

A proposal for fighting crime by the city of Oakland, California police department is raising a lot of noise and a satirical response from The Babylon Bee – Fake News You Can Trust.

Oakland’s PD is telling residents that getting their hands on an air horn is their best defense against out-of-control crime in the east bay area. They’re adding that residents should also consider adding bars to their doors and windows. A recent post on X, formerly known as Twitter, offered a few tips, including, “Do not resist,” and “Be a good witness and pay attention to the description of the individual or vehicle.”

In other words, “Be a good victim” and arm yourself with a really loud air horn. With bars on the residential doors and windows, it also begs the question of who the police are locking up. It’s obviously not the criminals.

Hot Air

That’s because Oakland doesn’t have enough police and California politicians have all-but-outlawed crime control and the ability of citizens to defend themselves. Oakland’s former Mayor Libby Schaaf admitted that calls to defund police by $20 million in 2021 “went too far and got convoluted.”

Burglaries in the city jumped 41 percent “and robberies by more than 20 percent,” according to a CNN report. The Oakland Police Department has only 715 officers on duty for a city of 433,000. Barry Donelan, president of the Oakland Police Officers’ Association, pegs the number of officers needed at 1,200, based on the volume of calls and the size of the population.

At that rate, Oakland is going to be a cacophony of blasting air horns.

Telling residents to use air horns to fight crime isn’t new to Oakland. The Oakland Chinatown Chamber of Commerce began passing out air horns to Chinatown citizens in 2021. Officials said then that the horns are a “simple and effective way to call for help and scare off an attacker.” Two years later, crime still rules Oakland and the advice still hasn’t changed.

Some residents aren’t having it anymore. Kristin Cook is leaving Oakland, the city she’s lived in her whole life, for the safety of Texas, CNN reported.

“I love Oakland. … I can’t take it anymore,” she said. “I got to the point I was too scared to leave my house. I’m not looking for the perfect safe place. I’m looking for a place where the elderly, [and] women with children aren’t targeted. Right? I think we can all agree that that needs to change.”

Not My Job

NAACP Oakland Branch President Cynthia Adams and Oakland minister Bob Jackson demanded action from elected leaders pointing out that the rampant crime has victimized the African-American community. They said in a letter that the city is an example of “failed leadership” and created “a heyday for Oakland criminals.”

That’s because California politicians adopted a soft-on-crime and harsh-on-rights approach. Alameda County District Attorney Pamela Price directed her staff to seek lower prison sentences and probation terms for crimes. That’s earned her the ire of citizens and former prosecutors.

The George Soros-backed DA Price even said her job has “no impact on crime.” There’s a recall effort underway to boot the first-year district attorney for her leniency with criminals. When it comes to respecting Second Amendment rights, DA Price is in lockstep with California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s all-out assault against legally-owned firearms.

Alameda County District Attorney Pamela Price
(Courtesy of the Pamela Price for District Attorney)

Her job, as she sees it, is to trample on the rights of law-abiding gun owners. She joined groups calling on state legislators to pass more gun control laws and even ban citizens from owning body armor.

The Stinger

The idea that citizens should be quiet and subservient victims of crime, armed with only air horns, is laughable. Even the satire website Babylon Bee couldn’t resist.

“We just don’t have time for all these people calling 9-1-1 and screaming about being stabbed,” explained Mayor Thao, in the Bee’s humorous rejection of the city’s air horn advice. “From now on, we are asking all residents to please refrain from such theatrics and just announce your stabbing with one quick blast on an air horn.”

Babylon Bee followed up with another parody post, “Colt Releases New Airhorn Modification For AR-15.” The site added, “The new AR attachment features 8 ounces of tactical compressed air and a tactical horn capable of unleashing up to 129 decibels of tactical noise directly into the ear canal of an assailant. They are available in both semi-automatic and automatic.

“The new product retails for $325 and has already been banned in California.”

The sad part is satire exposes the irony and stupidity of antigun and anti-police policies. Oakland residents are left with two choices. Leave the city or press hard while being a compliant victim.

 

Mark Oliva is Managing Director of Public Affairs for NSSF, The Firearm Industry Trade Association. 

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57 COMMENTS

      • “De-population is EXACTLY what True Believer Pr0gre$$ives want.”

        Preach it, they are already on record as saying the global population should be, at a *maximum*, 500 million people.

        Literally one-12th of the current population.

        Care to speculate how that ‘goal’ will be reached? Require ‘permission’ to couple with your spouse, ‘or else’, like China in the recent past?

        “What a wonderful world…” 🙁

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqhCQZaH4Vs

    • They got what they voted for. Let the libertarians liberals and the left, enjoy the utopia. They have created for themselves.

      • I most certainly agree. It was the voters of the state that voted for Prop 47 which raised the limit of theft to the $950 level and also eliminated a couple of provisions that took out the conspiracy charge which used to be a felony in CA. If two shoplifters walked into a dept store with a booster bag, they could be charged with conspiracy even if they only stole $20 worth of merchandise. Under Prop 47, that charge was eliminated. It was a good way to put career felons in prison for a couple of years and add another felony conviction if they got interrupted in their attempt to gather up a bigger haul. As I understand 47, that provision was eliminated from the penal code. I didn’t bother to read all the details of 47 as I knew it was bad law with just the raise in the felony level for shop lifting. Didn’t have to read all the fine print. The level of deluded thinking in this state just is beyond belief. It is certainly not the state I chose to live in back when I got out of the Marine Corps in 1959. Too many communist teachers in the colleges in the state warping young minds. I used to despise Joe McCarthy and thought he was a nut job. I now think that maybe he was on to something and not just booze and downers but just didn’t know how to go about exposing the infiltration of communists into all phases of our government. Of course, the media had a big hand in his downfall. At that time I still bought into drinking the koolAide. The big problem I have with all those kalifornicators moving to another state is that they infect the political climate of their new home with the same b.s. they voted for that ruined CA. The folks in Oakland deserve all the fecal matter that has descended on their city. They voted for it. They elected the do-nothing DA they voted into office. The black voters are the worst. They deserve getting all the crime they voted for. Can you say “Marion Barry?”

  2. OK, here’s the defense for mounting it on an AR-15:

    “Its not an ‘assault rifle’. Its a mounting platform for an air horn”.

    😁

  3. First, and foremost, people should just stay in their homes. With telenapping teleworking, and everything delivered to the home, there is no need to exit the domicile.

    Once the decision is made to stay in the home, bars on windows and doors are an obvious safety measure. These can be enhanced by tactical airhorns attached to entry/exit doors. Don’t waste money on electronic security measures; no one is coming to help you anyway.

    People, there is nothing to see/do outdoors that is sufficient motivation to exit your homes. Besides, staying indoors is helping the environment, global cooling, global warming, climate change, and reducing in general, all the damage humans do to the planet (indeed, science tells us that the planet can only indefinitely sustain about 500 million inhabitants).

    Be good. Be home. Be safe.

    • That is unreasonable. People have to leave sometimes for mostly peaceful protests. But when oppressed by the justice warriors of the proletariat, you should deafen yourself. Makes perfect sense to me.

      Anybody see where I put that pipe?

      • “That is unreasonable. People have to leave sometimes for mostly peaceful protests.”

        One can peacefully (or not) protest through social media; no need to damage the environment by leaving a residence. And that IS reasonable.

    • “People, there is nothing to see/do outdoors that is sufficient motivation to exit your homes.”

      Welllll, when your son has to marry your daughter, you might change your mind about that. If you had no other reason to go outside, you might want to meet someone of the opposite sex who doesn’t share half (or more) of your genes. Or your jeans.

    • “They keep voting for the same people that won’t deal with the problem.”

      Because all the other bennies far outweigh the negatives.

      We all have ideas that will be sacrificed for something we value more.

  5. Yup, let’s make non criminals prisoners in their homes while the professional criminals do what they will!

  6. Remember the ‘rape whistle’ ?

    over 77% of the woman who used it were still raped and seriously injured.

    • I remember that toddler snatched and rape murdered from his front yard with an electronic noise maker the kid deployed and was just tossed back into the yard. These devices are useless.

      • Ya know maybe 30 ago we were invited to a “party” where the host was a guy who my wife went to school with(degree in Drama). Turned out be an Amway type thing with “you guessed it” halfazzed self defense crap. Like bright lights,loud noises,rape alerts & tear gas. Stop that cretin with loud noises! It was silly then & it’s silly new. Fun fact: The friend’s name was Ivory Ocean. He played the mayor in The Mask. 1994 starring Jim Carrey. Sadly passed away…

        • I just remembered a Monty Python where they planted bombs in fake toddlers. I love that idea.

        • Perhaps for some of us, luckily passed away, otherwise he still might be voting for the same doddering fools we now have.

  7. Caller to Oakland 911: “I heard an air horn.”

    Oakland 911 to caller: “Where at?”

    Caller to Oakland 911: “Down the street.”

    Oakland 911 to caller: “Do you still hear it?”

    Caller to Oakland 911: “The screams are almost drowning it out, but yeah I can still kinda hear it … oh wait, it stopped.”

    Oakland 911 to caller: ” Is anyone screaming?”

    Caller to Oakland 911: “No, its quiet now. But it looks like someone is laying on the sidewalk down there, they aren’t moving.”

    Oakland 911 to caller: “Sir this is an emergency line, you need to call the sanitation department.”

    • “Oakland 911 to caller: “Sir this is an emergency line, you need to call the sanitation department.” ”

      Outstanding !

    • Yes 40, that was funny.

      As for air horns, I can see it now. Blast some mugger in the face, blowing out his eardrum, then get arrested and sued for assault. It’s always Opposite Day in leftist land.

    • Yup. Ring the sanitation department, alright. Have them go picup Oaklands new sorry laughable excuse for a DA, and her Sugar Daddie Georgie Boy. Commit both of them to a long term psych eval, then a far longer term of treatment. Bad treatment if possible. Sort of a recompense for the evil they have both perpetrated upon the genral public.

    • After multiple rapes the criminals will need hearing aids, this is cruel and unacceptable. Victims must first offer ear defenders to their rapists.

      • “After multiple rapes the criminals will need hearing aids, this is cruel and unacceptable. Victims must first offer ear defenders to their rapists.”

        Now, yer gittin’ wit the program. Welcome to a brave new world.

    • Ya, I was gonna point out that my noise maker is much louder than the air horn they recommend.

  12. I just got back from the grocery and filling up my ride; I can say with certainty Jim Crow Gun Control democRat bidenomics is not working and never will work.

    TRUMP 2024.

  13. I would carry around a can of wasp spray before I would carry around an air horn.

    Pro-tip: wasp spray is basically pressurized charcoal starter fluid and is thus extremely flammable. A windproof lighter of some sort makes an outstanding carry companion to wasp spray–if you catch my drift.

    • Wasp spray can get you in serious trouble when you “mis” use it as human repellant. It IS poisiniusm and dOES elave a residue. EPA rules would have you a criminal for “any use other than that described hereon is a criminal offense….”.

      Further I wiuld not want to be explaining to some copper WHY it was I was carrying about a new full can of wasp POISON asI ws ealking up the street four iles from home. And a putative perp was lying in agony waiting for the medics to arrive afte I sprayed the perp with the POISON.

      There is an alternate product, cmheaper and readily availble at any auto parts store,WAlMart etc… BRake cleaner under various trade names. It does happen to drop flying stining insects out of the air almost instantly. It will also inflict extreme pain anddisablement if sprayed ito the face/eyes/nostrils of an aggressor. And since it is not a listed pesiticide does not fall under the earleir rules. As to why am I walking up the road with this green can in my hands.. well, Ossifer, I’ze wunna them thar mick ANN ick fellers an I wuz a goin ta he’p this feller n thought this might be a he’ An this great big feller dun jumped me and trahd ta git my money poke. Ah wuz all conFUZED an happin ta hit the button on that can. Ah reckin Ah got some up in his mug cuz he started jumpin and hollerin an dancin sumthin’ wunnerful. . Nex’ ‘e commneced ta runnin up de road maghty fast and ran his sewf smack inta thet telephone pole When he fell I saw gun roll out an away frum his hand….. but he bin layin there maghty quiet fer quite a spell now…

      • Tionico,

        I really like your alternate suggestion.

        And an added bonus: brake cleaner is extremely volatile and leaves basically no residue.

        It is also easier to explain/justify your possession of it while out-and-about as you stated.

  14. How many times does it need to be explained that this is rather obviously a Saul Alinsky type of strategy being employed against the populace?

    Create Crisis–> Let Fester –> Offer Prepackaged Solution.

    So, you want to create a police state, huh? OK, well, based on historical example here’s how you do it in a fairly stable country.

    1. You stop enforcing the laws on street crime and at the same time demoralize the police force(s).

    2. You allow this to go on for some period of time, crime rises and cops leave the force. Some go elsewhere others look for another line of work. Doesn’t much matter on the cop side.

    3. This produces a “death spiral” of crime. The crime keeps rising, the people get more and more anxious about it and the police do basically nothing from the perspective of the public. By this time the police ranks are reduced to only those that will have a high affinity for following orders regardless of if those orders make sense.

    4. You wait for a public outcry against the crime, which you let fester even longer until that anxiety is starting to turn to panic.

    5. Once actual panic starts to set in you promise to rebuild the police force, and you do so. You surge in money and hire new officers.

    6. The change in the “organizational culture” you’ve created in steps 1-3 insures that this new force is, mostly, order followers because the old cops train up the new ones within the confines of the new organizational culture of that force which is entirely different than it was when you started.

    You now have a police force that will, for the most part, do whatever it is told no matter how insane or abhorrent those things may be. You now turn it against the general populace while tidying up the street crime as well.

    You now have a police state that the public asked for and will support because it did, in fact, get rid of the crime they were afraid of.

    This is exactly how the Gestapo (and numerous other historical “internal security services”) was built at the local level with not just the acceptance but the support of the citizenry.

    7. Enjoy your new totalitarian control system.

    • Any bets against the police rebuild being federal extensions on some kind of “temporary emergency” status and the order following remnants being offered an upgraded salary/pension plan to ensure big fed is followed?

      • Not from me at this time.

        The federal level politics of this country are too unstable for me to even start to guess as to what will happen there and, IMHO, it’s really not possible to read the political “tea leaves” across the political spectrum (it is unusual for this level of uncertainty to be this widespread).

        Mostly, from my point of view, that’s because it seems to me that wide swaths of the electorate, regardless of political orientation, believe things that quite obviously cannot be true. The question in my mind therefore is if they wake up to reality before or after the effect changes based on that erroneous opinion.

        Complicating that even further are the possibilities of, at a glance, perhaps as many as half a dozen black swans potentially preparing for takeoff. Against that backdrop, even a question as serious as yours is, honestly, “small potatoes” in a lot of regards.

        • Looking at that level I would assume minimum 2/3 will be not only easier to fool than convince that they were fooled but will oppress anyone who actively or passively threatens their comfortable lies that they live with. And yeah tend to keep the bets on small potatoes so no offense to be taken.

  15. They will be as worthless as a car alarm. Who pays attention to honk honk honk honk honk?
    All the thugs have to do is buy are steal air horns and be blasting them all the time and in no time people will ignore them.

  16. I spent my summers in the bay area when I was a kid. It was a fun place to be. The B.A.R.T. system was like science fiction. Clean fast and safe. But not anymore.

    They are comfortable Democrat Party slaves. All they need is legal butt sex and drugs.

    • Don’t forget drunken “hammer fights” with illegal alien male prostitutes while in their underwear I hear that’s all the rage now.

  17. Pamela Price a “she”? You can’t fool me, that’s a dude in “womanface” just like former First “Lady” Michael Robinson alias “Michell Obama”.

  18. Good ole kali always ready to tell us how backwards we are and how we’ve got everything all wrong.
    You plant corn don’t be looking for potatoes to grow

    • “Nobody Needs An Airhorn With That Much Capacity”

      Defensive Air Horns should be limited to five, or less, blasts. With no more than one purchase of an air horn per month. And only after a background check is successfully completed.

      Now that I think more about it, air horns should only be sold through an FFL, and treated the same as silencers (irony noted).

  21. I have a couple air horns at my home for home defense.
    They’re very loud, because they’re .357 Magnum, and revolvers can’t use suppressors (suppressors are banned in my state anyway).

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