The decision to carry a concealed firearm is an important, deeply personal one. You are carrying. You are responsible for your gun and what you do or don’t do with it if you, your loved ones, or other innocent life face a credible, imminent threat of death or grievous bodily harm.
No one else can make the decision to carry for you. But they sure can make it difficult.
If someone close to you is anti-gun – whether it’s a significant other, a friend or a colleague – telling them you’re carrying a gun can be awkward. Or, in some cases, downright confrontational. Here are three tips for coming out of the concealed carry closet.
1. Don’t do it
You have a natural, civil and Constitutional right to keep and bear arms. As we’ve been saying for years, the right to armed self defense is subject neither to the democratic process nor to arguments grounded in social utility. Nor should it be subject to someone else’s opinion about whether or not you have a right or even a “need” to carry a firearm.
You are under no obligation to inform anyone else of your concealed carry handgun (except for law enforcement officers in a few states).
The gun community has an expression: concealed means concealed. Telling someone you have a gun violates that principle, designed to maintain what gun gurus call “operational security.”
There are plenty of ways to conceal a firearm so that no one knows you have it: ankle holsters, pocket carry and other comfortable carry systems (holster and gun). You’ll still have to master some awkward moments. Going to the bathroom, returning to your car after or choosing not to enter a “gun-free” zone can be challenging. But you can do it.
No matter what, your friends don’t have to know. Your boss doesn’t have to know. Your dry cleaner doesn’t have to know. Workmen in your house don’t have to know. Your babysitter doesn’t have to know. If, however, you live with someone who’s anti-concealed carry or even downright anti-gun, well, that’s a different story.
In that case . . .
2. Discuss personal safety
I hate to say it, but fear is your friend. Have a talk with your significant other about personal safety, a discussion designed to show them the problem with not having a gun.
Lead them. Put the whole discussion in question form. If you don’t have a handgun at home, start with home defense rather than concealed carry.
What would you do if someone attacks you, me or little Michael? Where would you/we go? How long would it take the police to arrive?
Move the talk towards weapons. If you had to defend yourself with a weapon, what would you use?
Don’t be afraid to introduce the specter of serious injury or death. What would happen if someone raped me or you? Or, yes, killed one of us?
Don’t hurry. It could take several of these conversations over several months, perhaps using news stories to revisit the topic. If this concealed carry campaign leads to arguments – “You’re obsessed with guns!” – so what? Is there anything worth arguing about more than life or death?
You may want to get a gun into the home first. Keep it locked up and take it out every now and then. That way your significant other will realize that A) there is such thing as a gun B) there’s a gun in your shared world and C) it doesn’t hurt anyone. Then you can move on to concealed carry.
If you already have a handgun in the home, ask, What would happen if we were outside and we were attacked? Use specific examples. What would happen if someone attacked you in the supermarket parking lot? After work? Notice that you’re talking about your significant other’s safety, not your own. They are more likely to approve of your concealed firearm if it’s used to defend them or the kids rather than yourself.
You might want to say that you’d like to have a concealed carry firearm for certain situations (e.g. when you’re going out to dinner). Again, we’re talking about normalization here. Carrying every now and then leads to carrying all the time (which is exactly what you should do).
Remember: you’re not easing your SO into “allowing” you to concealed carry. You’re helping them accept your decision, your inalienable right to armed self-defense. Be calm. Be resolute. Be patient.
3. Just do it
There are times in every relationship when a man or woman’s gotta do what a man or a woman’s gotta do. Some say the correct expression here is “put your foot down.”) You can come out of the concealed carry closet all at once with no prior discussion.
I’ve decided to carry a concealed firearm to protect myself, you, our friends and family and (perhaps) other innocent life. This is my gun. This is my holster. This is my gun safe. Deal with it.
That can be a little more jarring and may lead to more intense follow-up, but there you go. This approach has the benefit of being quick and honest.
Carrying a concealed firearm is a life-affirming decision. Once you’ve made it (or as you make it) have the courage of your convictions. Don’t take no for an answer. The life you save may be the life of the person who rejects, ridicules or seeks to restrict your decision.
I couldn’t imagine doing it again from scratch. At this point, if all the awful crap happening around us doesn’t sway her vote; and you’ve tried the tips here, I’m at a loss. Farago summed it up nicely. It’s a tough task. If it were easy to convince someone that guns have a legitimate purpose in our society today, we wouldn’t need the NRA. Keep at it, from a personal safety standpoint.
They’re usually sold when they see how cute they look in the pictures of a range day!
You might appreciate this………
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXJkLBj6G1k
If I carried IWB like that, I’d stay in the closet. Yes yes I know it’s a stock photo but c’mon, look how much is wrong with it!! The only good thing, it’s a hammer fired Sig.
I have appendix carried for years without incident. This is the most comfortable, for me, to conceal carry.
To each his own.
I’m talking about no belt and the holster pulled way up too high. If he was to draw his weapon, the holster would come out also. Like I said, stock photo I carry IWB appendix also. You are right though, very comfortable, concealable, quick, plus you can draw while seat-belted in.
In other words, this was not a very good stock photo to use; it does not realistically represent how pretty much anyone would carry, why the mommy-frelling heck did they choose this image? To provoke complaints perhaps?
My baby Glock 42 can fit in my front pant pocket and nobody would notice it.
Us open carriers do not worry about.
There’s one. Just do it. People so worried about what other people think, people you don’t know, have never met (WILL NEVER meet), and have nothing to do with you. Just do what is good for you. Forget everyone else.
This is how this country has fallen. Letting people tell you how you will act, behave, and what things you can do that they deem acceptable. I do what I want, how, when, and why I want to do it. If you don’t like it, even better.
I agree when it comes to strangers, co-workers, dimwits at the grocery store, etc. Don’t ask/don’t care. But when it comes to your wife, a little more tact would be a good idea.
I was always up front with anyone that I dated about my firearms ownership/carry. Never had a negative response. In fact by the third date it was usually, “When can we go shooting?” Of course, these are all southern county girls. I was married when I got into law enforcement, but after my divorce when I met a woman it was a given there would be firearms around, but their reaction was pretty much the same. Gotta love those southern girls.
Comments is screwing up again. Site says 6 posted. Not what I’m seeing.
If they don’t like it, it’s your fault. If you verify that it isn’t a batshit crazy Bolshevik before trying to dip your wick in it then maybe you wouldn’t be stuck with a commie tree hugging bimbot.
Rather enjoyed the mental image you just painted haha good stuff sir!
I think Bolshevik should be a more common derogatory name. I like it.
Once you make the decision to carry, concealed or open, you become increasingly aware of government intrusion: gun-free zones, permits, travel restrictions (I cannot carry my gun into several states where my family lives), restrictions on ammo (no JHP in NJ), restrictions on magazines, suppressors, and even the types of guns allowed for sale. I did not know about any of this until I purchased my first gun 4 years ago.
Deciding to be your family’s first line of defense opens your eyes to the intent of the Constitution and the extent to which our governments subvert that intent.
Out of the closet? Dude, it’s called concealed carry for a reason. Nobody needs to know until the balloon goes up.
And if we choose to let people know, it’s all good. Our friends will still be our friends, our family will still be our family, and if they choose to withdrawn from us, then they were never much good to begin with and we are way better off without them.
The only people I’m “out of the closet” to are my wife (obvs.), my kids — so they can understand that I do carry, why and to avoid any embarrassing public questions when they were younger — and guys I shoot with, who know anyway.
Or just find the freedom of not giving a fuck what other people think or feel about it.
When you lay it down with your girl, expect to have a chat. My wife rules the roost most of the time, and I let her. She’s the best. But many moons ago I told her I was taking classes and amassing an armory – and that was that.
I’m not allowed to make another decision til 2028.
Smirk!
The chat with my wife is what guns/accessories/ammo/knives and other shit she wants.
Rad Man, that was seriously funny!
S9
Your right on about that. Why should I care what people I don’t know think when I don’t care what people I do know think ? I feel this way period. I’ll be me, you do you.
The closet feels pretty good sometimes.
Especially if you don’t want to get the Gary Willis treatment.
Or the Erik Scott treatment.
Or the John Crawford treatment.
Or the Daniel Shaver treatment.
They just have to say something to make the cops go after you.
What they accuse you of doesn’t have to be true, and no amount of crawling on the floor and pleading for your life can save you.
It’s not the first thing I’d mention when meeting someone but anything after, say a first date, I would want them to know that I own and carry guns, if it didn’t come up.
There are a lot of people out there who have been propagandized into thinking that guns are evil sentient machines that mean someone who carries them has a tiny penis (even the women who carry…) and wants to kill people. I think it’s great to educate those people but I’m no interested in having to do it while pursuing a romantic relationship.
So I don’t care if someone likes guns but if someone hates them or feels ‘uncomfortable with one in the house’ then it’s better to just move on instead of rolling the dice on them changing their minds.
My ex wife said (and I’ll never forget it) “I was raised around guns. My family hunts and shoots…” etc etc…
Then when the custody battle ensued it was “he carried a gun into my house and threatened me”.
Any smart man would just avoid women, period. America needs a red light district. But hey, fleshlight is a thing too. When you aren’t thinking clear, a good ol fashioned “desk pop” should clear your mind. Amazing how cloudy the brain gets until you find that release. It’s like an instant dirty feeling just floating away. Like “oh, man, I almost got involved again”. Whew.
You sound like a Democrat senator.
That was a lot of words for “I can’t please a woman.”
Can’t and won’t are not the same thing. You’ll learn both lessons one day.
I thought it was funny.
“Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
“Why, that’s a Walther CCP in my pocket! But…now…that you mention it, I am happy to see you.”
I consider myself an evangelist for gun ownership, safety, and training. So, people who know me, know I carry. No closets. No resistance from friends and family. Initially, some fear from people in the music studio my daughter used to attend.
Best remark from a family member who owns a gun: “If I suspected an intruder in my house in the middle of the night, I would grab my baseball bat instead of my gun because I don’t want to accidentally kill a member of my family”.
To which I replied: “So, accidentally bludgeoning a family member is acceptable?”
Awkward silence. Change topic.
Years ago I listened to a radio interview with Sam Childers, the “Machine Gun Preacher.” He was asked about how he dealt with people who have a problem with his stance on guns. He related an example (I’m paraphrasing):
“The guy had a real problem with gun ownership. I said to him ‘Two guys are holding your family hostage. They are going to rape and kill your wife right in front of you, then will most likely kill you. There’s a gun in front of you that you can use to end this. What are you going to to do?’ The guy replied ‘Well, I’ll find some way but not with a gun!’ I looked at him and said, ‘You must not love your wife very much.’ The guy couldn’t answer.”
#4: Desk Pop!
OR
Just stop asking permission and open carry. Guess we’ll wait until the secession… Or.. I guess YOU’LL wait. I open carry all the time.
“bUt iT maKeS yOu A tArgEt” – closet dwellers
My wife was always uncomfortable when we went out and I was packing. One night we were at the movies when in the middle of the film, the lights came on and the film stopped. Some disheveled looking character came strolling out onto the stage. Terrified, she grabbed my arm and demanded to know if I was packing I smiled and nodded as the disheveled character announced that he was a manager and that an equipment failure would cause a few minutes delay. She doesn’t care anymore.
Similar for me and the wife. Hiking with kids, we both spoted a shady van from a distance. She ask if I had it. I said yes and we turned around, she lead the kids back to the truck, and I watched our backs.
No closet. My wife doesn’t care and any “friends” are pro-gat.
I am working on kinda CCW and open at the same time. Making a brass belt buckle that will hold a double barrel 22lr Derringer. Got the buckle made and now just need to mount the Derringer. It actually will hang on the barrels on brass, then a leather strap. It is chrome with white grips. Shiny, most people will think cool buckle not backup to my pocket 38Spl Derringer, and whatever I am also carrying. 1 in none 2 is one. Besides the blade I always have somewhere. I may have to admit I have a problem. LOL
“What would happen if someone raped me…”
I would hope that’s not one I was concerned with but, hey, you never know. I guess if that was the threat I was presented with, I’d start off with suggesting they have a rather sad taste in men.
Aim for the crotch. Every single time.
Never tell anyone you conceal carry a gun.
I conceal carry a gun.
(Smile)
Is that a ghost speaking to me???
The funny part about this is that quite close to EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE, the old ladies, the young ladies, the teachers, the lawyers, the firemen, in Kentucky carries a gun. And they all tell one another constantly. I know people all over Kentucky and no one can keep quiet about their guns. And a lot of them are really bad at hiding them, too. I see them sticking out of pants at gas stations all the time, open carry everywhere, lol.
In the state I reside at this time you are not required to inform an officer of the law you are armed. However when asked or not I inform the officer that I am. If asked by the officer to let him retain temporary procession of the weapon, as checking the serial numbers is normally 99℅ the reason why, I comply.
Most conversations with officers of the law become confrontations when a person becomes belligerent, or express their desire to exercise their constitutional rights.
Obeying the officers request is the easiest way to avoid conflict, and a little respect for that badge goes along way.
Even if I was asked and required to tell them, I would not give them my property. They have no right to check the seriel numbers. If you have done nothing wrong or illegal then ask why they are questioning you and if you are being detained. You have the right to remain silent, and you should verbalize that you chose to do so. If the state you are in requires you give your name, then do so. If they say you are not being detained then walk away. If they say you are, say “lawyer” and nothing else. Repeat as necessary until you can call your lawyer. If they try to search you after you are not being detained then advise them you do not consent to a search of your personal belongings and private property. If they try to search then they are corrupt and breaking the law. Obviously, nothing short of compliance at that point is advised but most cops, especially now days and most I have met, will show you respect if you respect them. You can exercise your rights without being an asshole. They should expect it. They know the rules. They want you to waive them. Don’t. Stand your ground and be compliant if they violate these rights then plead your case later. Or, fight them and see how that goes (I think we all know how it should if they are in fact violating your rights – but that’ll never happen). What you advise though, is a complete consent and waiving of your rights. It’s stupid. Any decent police officer will respect your rights and your choice to exercise them if you are respectfully doing so. You literally said it yourself: “When someone choses to exercise their constitutional rights”. The difference is sometimes you just see the assholes doing it on YT, and they are either wrong or if they are right – still being assholes about it. I have seen more encounters go respectfully both ways while still retaining your rights. What you are advising is basically bootlicking and should be avoided entirely.
I agree completely. Always be polite. But never give into a request for a search of your property. What ever your property is. Let them get a warrant first.
I have no respect for “the badge” when they overstep their authority.
I have been asked for ID when out and about in town (usually going or coming from dinner). I always ask what crime I am suspected of committing. When they say “none”, i respectfully decline to provide ID.
Not my job to kowtow to someone on a fishing expedition. Like the Highway Patrol casually asking if they can take a look in the car for drugs and gun (but oh so respectfully).
I say in no uncertain terms I do not want them searching my vehicle and implying that I am doing something nefarious.
I respect the law and sometimes law enforcement. Those who abuse their station are not to be respected, trusted, or enabled.
Where the heck do you live or what to you do to arouse that kind of suspicion? Other than traffic stops I can’t think of one time I’ve been stopped like that from farmlands to downtown DC or NYC
I lived in VA from around 2003 to 2007 (I can’t remember what year I moved there but I joined the Army in 2007 so I know when I left) and that is pretty much every run in I had with cops in that state in a nutshell. I live in Montana now, and the only run in I had with one was when I called them to “oversee” me getting my shit out of my exes house. Granted, I knew the guy who responded from some previous introductions through local business owners, but they are not the same breed in some places. Cops in VA were fucking tyrants. Out here, they are first responders and if you have a run in with them, you probably deserve it.
“Most conversations with officers of the law become confrontations when a person becomes belligerent, or express their desire to exercise their constitutional rights.
Obeying the officers request is the easiest way to avoid conflict, and a little respect for that badge goes along way”
How dare the uppity peasantry to have the audacity to feel like they can express and exercise their rights! Unalienable you say, poppycock!
I would say that most contentious encounters stem when someone attempts to exercise rights which do not exist (sovereign citizen type things) or rights which cops somehow still don’t know exist (“you can’t video me”).
I supposed there are also the marginal cases, like we’ve seen in “protests” where someone writes “PRESS” on their vest and thinks that it means they can crowd 6 inches around cops making an arrest because they have a cell phone camera.
I’ve only told a few gun owning coworkers who have expressed interest, are on the fence about getting their CCW and are strong supporters of 2A. Fudds would compromise OPSEC so I don’t even discuss CCW, and unfortunately I have a few of these at work.
Living in CA, being a Republican gun owner sometimes feels like I’m living a secret life. But luckily I live in a county where we have a good military/veteran presence and are proud to show our patriotism.
My parents and brothers don’t know that I carry. And they live hundreds of miles away. They are Leftists. They totally drank the kool-aid. The wife and daughter are the only one’s that know.
Yeah that’s tough. Brother and his wife are leftists. Not even just left leaning but full on support BLM leftists. Always the victims. They would vote democrat if Hitlers direct descendants were running… oh wait, he just did.
Anyone who’s married or living with someone who has a real fear or dislike of firearms to the extent of causing a ruckus should rethink how compatible they really are and whether or not they’re thinking with their ‘other’ head.
This is one of those make or break kinda things and it should’ve come up before you started cohabitating (unless you just had an epiphany). And if you didn’t bring it up then you have to ask yourself did you avoid the issue cause you were hot to trot and knew she’d (he’d?) say no.
Of course this is coming from a guy who because he wouldn’t compromise on certain things is currently living alone. But that’s okay for me. Maybe not for you.
The only other person that needs to know you’re carrying is the scumbag rapist/murderer/assaulter you just shot for attempting to rape/murder/assault you, yours, and/or the innocent.
1. Don’t do it
2. Don’t do it
3. Don’t do it
I love the term come out of the closet.
I occasionally volunteer as an instructor for the local Pink Pistols chapter.
I one time had a gay man say to me that he was more comfortable being out of the closet as gay than he was being out of the closet as a regular carrier of a gun. Ha.
When I told my wife that I was going to get a handgun and a license to carry, she was not too enthused until I explained to her that it was because I love her and wanted to protect her from evil in the world that I need to carry. After that conversation she was good with it. Then came the part where I took her shooting with me at the range. Right after that I had to buy her a S&W EZ .380. She does not have a license to carry because of her temper, so that is good. Now she loves every firearm I have purchased but still sticks with .380. If you just talk to your significant other in a civil manner it usually works out fine, but make them believe it is just for their safety that you carry. My safe is full of pistols now and she seems to love me more and more.
“She does not have a license to carry because of her temper, so that is good…”
That’s not a red flag, at all…
Red flags are a violation of human and civil rights. Future crime does not exist.
Bad cop, no donut for you.
You missed the point by so far that it’s almost as if you are being purposefully obtuse.
You miss the point. Its not a red flag law no due process bull541t revocation.
Its a red flag between a husband and wife. It is 100% excellent that she/they are self aware enough.
There is a huge difference between the idea that everyone who wants to should be able to carry a gun, and the idea that everyone should carry a gun.
Some people just don’t have the mental make up. They shouldn’t carry. However I’d never advocate that the Government prohibit them from carrying.
I have a friend who won’t carry because he doesn’t trust himself. I illustrated to him that this was a good decision.
I asked him if he was in a bar while carrying a gun and he saw a guy looking his wife up and down what would he do?
Of course I wouldn’t shoot him, he replied, I’d punch him in the face.
Ha. BZZZTTT – wrong answer. the correct answer is you would walk away.
There was only a couple people I worked with that knew I carried. As we got to know each other, we would go shooting on weekends. Over time we discussed concealed carry. Turns out we all carried, where legal, at work. We’ve kept that knowledge amongst ourselves.
Some years ago, I was leaving Las Vegas after attending the SHOT Show. It was 4:45 a.m. and I must have been wandering a bit, trying to find my way to the highway. I was pulled over by a pair of LV Metro cops who had me get out of the car after I admitted I was carrying concealed (my AZ CCP is legal in NV). They asked me if I had been drinking. I replied, indignantly, “What, before BREAKFAST?!” They were trying not to crack up, and sent me on my way swiftly, with good directions to the highway.
It’s a good thing I’m so intolerable that no man is interested in me. Heck, I may have to find a democRat to love me–as long as he’s white.
I just did it and my wife has never had a problem with it. She’s a smart lady and understands the realities of life.
My ex-wife, on the other hand, had a problem with it–thinking I had a screw loose. We had just gone through a house fire and were living in a hotel the insurance company was paying for. (A) Yeah, we were living in a hotel off a busy highway on the edge of town; you better believe I’m carrying. (B) I ended the argument with the fact the fire proved ANYTHING can happen no matter how much you want to believe it never will.
Anything, anywhere, anytime can happen. That’s why I carry.
I never tell anyone but have been outed when hugged!
You said I should exercise my 2A right, not take it for granted;
You know I bought 2 handguns – compact and sub-compact;
You know I bought a safe – the backup key is where you suggested;
You know I took courses. You took them with me;
You know I received a CCW Permit;
You know when I go to the range;
You know when I dry-fire practice.
You didn’t know I intended to Carry?
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