How Should Martha Stewart Keep Coyotes Away From Her Pretty Birds?

By
Dan Zimmerman
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Martha Stewart keeps peafowl — peacocks and peahens — on her property. Her flock was just reduced by half a dozen after a pack of coyotes did exactly what coyotes do. Now she’s looking for suggestions as to how to protect her precious peabirds from pernicious predators.

We have a few good ideas, but let’s see what you can come up with in the comments.

 

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144 COMMENTS

  1. (Considers something with the word “birdshot”, decides it’s not original enough, continues thinking…)

    • Maybe Martha should use an AR chambered in the Wyld E. for Coyotes.

      (There…that one’s better)

    • I’m thinking more like “coyoteshot”, but it would depend on where Martha lives and if discharging a firearm would be illegal.

      There are, however, professional anti-pest hunters who use very powerful air rifles that would do the trick.

      The problem of course is that as coyotes go she is maintaining an attractive nuisance and no matter how many you dispatch the natural habitat is full of hungry replacements.

      Still, if you find their trail and leave a few of their relatives out there for the vultures they might get the message.

      • @ Cliff H
        Most place exempt dispatching a firearm for an attacking animal destroying pets on your own property. Unless a person used extreme idiocy and fired with children at the bus stop directly in the path or some other retarded act, very few cops, even if illegal would do anything.

        Now here’s the problem for Martha Stewart, she is a FEDERAL FELON and always will be and as such is prohibited from firearm possession. She would have to use something NOT considered a firearm and capable of taking a Coyote. There are plenty of high quality PCP air rifles that would do the job and not subject her to a felon in possession federal beef.

    • Yeah I was thinking this was going to be a 5.56 verses 7.62×39 discussion with a rogue 12 gauge evangelist thrown in 😉 😉

      But you win the internet today with the “Wyld E. for Coyotes.”

    • She could have her lawyers write the coyotes a stern letter advising them to “cease and desist” under threat of criminal and civil actions.

      • She could try to get them recognized as humans, then charge them with theft, murder, and cannibalism.

    • Around here people seem to like a scoped .22-250 for coyotes. Very fast, very flat. Good for long distance shooting, and big enough to put the animal down with one shot.

  3. I would get a rifle of course, but that isn’t going to work when you’re not around. Get one or two livestock protection dogs as well.

      • That’d be a Maremma or Great Pyrenees. They’re used in guarding flocks the world over, most notably endangered penguins in Australia.

      • Yes, my own dogs took out a prized peacock with 6’ trail. Beaitiful bird, Ozzy couldn’t handle the courting mameuvers.

    • Let loose a couple llamas in the estate. (Not the cheap handguns…) People with sheep have a couple hanging with the flock. They’ll run down and stomp the hell out of yotes and marauding dog packs. Llamas are also very light sleepers- hard to sneak up on at night. Pea fowl are also pretty tough to sneak on in the dark and ours were strong fliers as well. Surprised they didn’t just fly off.

  6. Fences will do absolutely nothing to stop coyotes. They always figure out a way through.

    And as much as I’d love to say a gun will help, it won’t help much because they will always come when you’re not around or asleep, and if you stay awake all night waiting for them, they won’t show up either. I’ve known people that have stayed up all night multiple nights in a row with night vision and thermals and cameras… they never show. Then you go back to work or sleep at night and bet your ass, they are back.

    Setting a trap might be your best bet, with live bait. Use a chicken. Not a guarantee though. They are smart.

    • @Ron

      “Setting a trap might be your best bet, with live bait. Use a chicken.”

      Apparently peacock would work too.

    • You left out calling at night. Went to my blind and spent a full day there with some snacks and cold water. Read a book while keeping an eye out for what was moving. Knocked off some coyotes that just happened by, no calling or bait. You never know.

    • People forget scent. Coyotes aren’t going to approach a place that reeks of human (and to a coyote or any other canine, we REEK).

      Come deer season, my brother and I, after a successful take, will “claim” the carcass by dropping a piece of gear on it (like a jacket or hat) before moving off. The lingering scent will keep coyotes and other scavengers away for at least a couple hours, enough time to return with a vehicle and haul it out.

  7. Remember boys and girls, this woman is a felon. Let’s not encourage her to break any more laws!

    • Beat me to it. If she does any shooting it will have to be with an air rifle or possibly a muzzle loader. Some jurisdictions allow muzzle loaders for felons.

      Or she can go all Dukes of Hazzards and get a bow and some dynamite.

        • “I think you mean “Bo and arrows.””

          Chick I knew used to sell erotic gear, company name was “Beaus and Eros”. Maybe Martha’s a bit old for that now…

      • “Some jurisdictions allow muzzle loaders for felons.”

        Do they restrict shooting felons with muzzle loaders to certain seasons, or can you shoot them any time during the year? Asking for a friend.

  9. I think you guys are shooting in the dark. Get Diane Feinstein, Nancy Pelosi, and the other old crones to sponsor a Coyotes of Mass Destruction ban. That’ll fix everything. No one needs an Assault Coyote to enjoy peacocks!

  10. Put collars and licenses on them and call them dogs. Then it is not a “coyote” problem.
    Animal control will only come after animals that are registered as pets. Dog packs, coyotes, coons, possums and skunks are not their problem. If they can’t fine the owner and threaten to kill the pet, they won’t do the work.
    Ours is an old farming community at the base of foothills. The farmers a century and a half ago killed all the coyotes, so any here now came down from the hills. City counsel won’t allow hunting or chasing away of these pet killing monsters because “they were here first”. Animal control won’t do it. Fish and game and the federal rangers point at each other(the foothills are national forest land above the city/county border).
    Coyotes are coming into homes through doggie doors and/or waiting out side for the dog to use the lawn. Shoot one and you go to jail.
    They live in alleys, parking lots behind restaurants, storm drains, church land, schools, old ladies’ garages and sheds, holes dug out near the freeway. They use the train tracks, light rail and storm drains as highways or just walk down the middle of the street looking for pets. They have taken pets on leashes

      • Has an impressive crack as the pellet leaves the barrel at 1300 FPS.
        I bought one to reduce the squirrel population caused by idiot neighbors who feed the pretty rats. And was disappointed to find it too has a very distinctive sound when fired. Now the old pump up crossman while not near as accurate is quieter and so far has sent 11 of them to squirrel Shamayim.

    • “They have taken pets on leashes”

      As an avid fisherman, I have never tried coyote fishing. Land Muskies could bring in a lot of tourist dollars if you can get it legalized. Probably the leftist would mandate catch and release though.

      Bait shop guy “What can I get you?”
      Coyote fisherman “Give me a box of poodles and 2 chihuahua’s”

    • This is in CA, right? Another reason I won’t go there (Martha). But perhaps she could equip her birds with Kevlar and a Glock.

    • Dispose of your “city council”. He, she, it, they whatever is a dangerous menace. If these coyotes are left to roam freely and w/o fear it will not be long before they grab a baby, or young child out of the yard, stroller or the mother’s arms.

  11. I would go to the local craft store and pickup some provisions. Then go to the hardware store and pickup some pipes and various other materials. Then I would make a homemade, gluten-free, craft slamfire shotgun with sparkles, flowers and fabric ribbon artwork….Animal control, Martha Stewart style.

    • Crossbow bolts do not shoot through, are silent and pack as much impact and shock as a firearm. They do not require the strength or coordination of using a regular bow.
      The carbine of bow and arrows, they can be equipped with red dot sights for quick target acquisition.
      Or…
      We had a bad time with coyotes and out Royal Palm turkeys. Since we also have goats we got a pair of Great Pyrenees/Anatolian LGDs who calmly explain to any coyotes who come around that these are their charges and they will kill any coyotes who dare to try to get inside the fence. They live with the goat bucks, the goat does and kids have two Maremma sisters that we call “The Italian Girls” who do the same. No coyote issues for some time now.
      The trouble with Livestock Guard Dogs is they have to mature into their instincts to guard, it is not a training thing. Takes till they are about 18-24 months old before they really get the idea.

      • Full-size donkeys or mules, the inbred miniatures have poor instincts. Cheap, healthy, only need hooves trimmed monthly. They HATE coyotes, have good night vision, and will go out of their way to kill coy-dogs.

        • The few I’ve met were very good natured (mind you the donkeys I met were pets) and quite funny. Like trying to sneak away with a hat, hide it, then after a while bring it back.
          They like company and like people often. But not always. In a way, a friendly donkey is less work than a dog. I live in suburbs so I don’t have one.

      • Well democrats are even more consistent voters when dead. And since Martha can’t get a gun maybe Hunter Biden could bring one of his.

  15. Well, I’m guessing Martha doesn’t want to use deadly force. So, do what we do around here if you want keep coyotes off your property. Get a couple of donkeys. They’re mortal enemies. Don’t ask me why, I just know they are.

    • Donkeys are quieter than peacocks too!! Noisy obnoxious birds! Take their picture and hang it on the wall, then get rid of them

  16. Snares are legal in some areas and much quieter. Or hire a predator control company who can legally help the situation.

  17. As a kid, I always tried to get close enough to a peacok to pluck a feather out. I never could do it. A farm I frequented had some.

    *misspelled to avoid moderation

    • They will attack people.
      My gf went to talk to one resting at the hotel in Jamaica and it went bonkers and put some deep scratches down in an instant and without warning. My gf is very good with animals and reads them well but this peacock went from chill to kill in a blink.

    • I heard MS lives in Connecticut. How the he!! did coyotes get there? Up until maybe 10 years ago I never saw one in ILL annoy. And it’s “illegal” to shoot one in Ill. Not Indiana though…”there so pretty” tree huggers n bambi lovers. Until a yote eats yer dog. Or baby!

      • FWW,

        We have coyote right here in Allentown, PA. Go out early morning, around sunrise, near wooded areas. They are there.

        • The way I understand it is that coyote’s are very flexible in their habitats. They can live anywhere. They were kept in check by natural predators like wolves.

          But we killed most of their competition so they thrived and now live in places they never were in before. Including islands off the coast where the only way they could have got there was by boat.

        • Back when I was working agency at the hospital in Palmerton there was a young man who was hitting them with 7.62×39 back in ’04 or so.

          Coyote America is a really book on them. They basically latched on to European people and followed us all over the continent.

        • jwm,

          You are not wrong. Coyotes are the cockroaches of the mammal kingdom – the little b*stards can live ANYWHERE. Anywhere there is food (pets, pigeons, possums (oops, sorry, didn’t mean to insult OUR possum!), peacocks, garbage, any kind of livestock smaller than a donkey) ‘yotes can and will thrive.

          My old neighborhood (before I escaped KKKalifornia) was literally less than 5 miles from one of the busiest beaches in LA county, and we regularly lost pets to ‘yotes. And, it being LA County, in the heart of The People’s Socialist Democratic Republic of KKKalifornia, you couldn’t shoot them (even with pellet guns), trap them or poison them.

  19. For centuries, coyotes feared and avoided mankind, ‘cause mankind would kill them whenever they spotted them. Now they view people as harmless. Soon, they will view people as prey. A coyote pack can take down a deer, they will have no trouble taking your kids playing in the yard, or your wife out for her morning run. The State told us if we stopped shooting predators (two legs or four), they would protect us. They broke the deal.

    • I was told coyote are still shy but bred with dog they are dangerous in packs.
      The coy dogs are bigger in general as well.
      Bizarre trick they use is a pack will leave a bitch in heat to lure in per male dogs.
      Once the dog has penetrated the female he can’t easily get out (incredible I know) and then the pack eats him.

        • Out of my dozen dogs, I have 4 Kangal’s, Turkish GHD dogs purpose bred for, and prized for, hunting & killing wolves, jackals, and bear, especially brown bear.

          Also known for having the highest bite force of any domesticated breed.

          Between them & my Dogo Argentino’s that serve as catch dogs, that pack better lope off into the sunset before they get rended to pieces.

        • I’ve met a few wolves in the forest.
          Me downwind and they seemed to make eye contact and run.
          I’ve watched on TV how they will get a moose to run towards other wolves in a tag team and run it down.
          I’ve been told they won’t hunt humans.
          But just in case I made a mental note to be agressive at first contact if a wolf didn’t flee.

    • My Mom watched a donkey flatten a coy dog and then prance around extremely happy.
      The thing was the donkey detected, stalked, charged, and killed the coy-dog.
      Turns out donkeys really hate anything canine and your pet dog may also be killed without warning.

      • When I used to ride horses I would have to repeatedly warn people to keep their off leash dogs away or the dogs will get kicked.

        Lost track of the number of times I’d hear clonk-yipe “Your horse kicked my dog!”. First, not my horse, the riding school’s horse. Second, I told you 3x to keep your dog away.

      • Here in Arkansas they run donkeys with cattle to protect the calves from coyotes. We just sold our bonded pair of donkeys, a john and a ginny, to a fella that will run them with his cattle. His son intends to break the john to saddle. Good luck with that, Pinkie (he is a light red donkey) is about 15 hands and more that a handful. He never forgave us for getting him cut.

        • Reading this reminds how much quirky personality donkeys can have.
          Donkey sees you being stalked – hey remember my balls? Walks away….

  22. We see an effective community common sense approach to coyote violence forming.
    First by registration of the coyotes and then by posting “coyote free zone” signs, with additional community outreach to the coyotes we are certain to achieve a zero violence nirvana.
    Unless the coyotes disrespect gender pronouns then send in the threshers.

  23. Martha must be attention-starved. She has minions who could easily have researched this problem and presented the options.

    Her appeal for help is all about keeping her name out there.

    That’s what celebrities do.

    I wonder if she makes Peabird casserole.

  24. I had a coy dig living near a few years back.
    Very shy, if he detected humans he skunk quietly into cover and escaped. We had a feral cat overpopulation issue and I think this was his food supply and why he came to the neighborhood.
    One day I left the house at 5 AM and he was chilling on the corner resting with his from paws crossed. He was very fit and looked great. I pulled up about 10’ away and he was disinterested in me until I opened my window and said “hi coyote how are you doing” and it was like a cartoon he was so shocked and horrified that human was there he was tripping on his own feet and took off faster than I thought any animal could go.
    As always people complained he was gonna take the children (all 25 lbs of him) and he disappeared.

    • I was standing in my yard (wooded area) when one approached me. I guess I was downwind of him. He didn’t look up and notice me until he was about 50 feet away. He just turned around and slowly walked back the way he came.

  25. Good ooogly booogly. I could comment for pages but I’ll spare all of you. However I get a mental picture of her standing there with a homemade shank in one hand, white shirt, face and arms covered in blood, fur in her teeth and her holding two dead Coyote’s in her other hand dead of course but still warm, and looking in to the camera and saying ( now that’s a good thing).

  26. Lived in a subdivision. Saturday morning- a large yard sale 2 houses away. I pull out of my driveway to see a large male coyote standing in the middle of the street in front of the sale. I sat and watched him until he decided he shouldn’t be there. He took off down a parallel driveway and ran with in 30 ft of people who never knew he was there!
    They lived down the way and had a den in the crappy drainage ditch maybe 100 yards away. You could occasionally hear them yipping and howling at night.
    They are much closer than you think.

  27. I’ve killed a few but it has always been by chance encounter. When I was hunting something else and crossed paths with them. Since one tried to eat my granddaughter years ago I carry a grudge against their kind.

  30. An invasive species east of the Mississippi. Shot on sight on the farm. Hogs too. No matter what else you’re doing. If you’re a guest, this is explained. If you see a coyote, or a wild hog and don’t kill it, you’ll not be invited back. Exceptions for safety reasons. A pass through that hits a picker in the field is bad form.

    • As a kid back in the Dakotas, we’d stick double sided razor blades in a piece of 2×6, then throw some tasty ground chuck on top.
      Once it gets good n stinky, the yodels start nosing around in it, cut their noses open, go crazy for the fresh blood and cut their tongues to ribbins.
      Once had nine songdogs (and the bounties from the cattle ranch ) within 125 yards if the “lick” without firing a shot .
      Martha would probably not approve of the blood clashing with the greenery though.

    • Living in the country, myself and some of the neighbors were having some real hog damage on our properties. Each of us began hunting them seriously and thinned them down a bunch. I patterned them with trail cams and sat up at night shooting them almost every night. They got used to the led motion light and as there was about a dozen or more, i would shoot the one that was close to me. The bulletts were pass thru’s so there were more than the 7 instant kills that i picked up. Wasn’t bad shooting out the bedroom window. Made sure to use a brass catcher to avoid breaking mirrors and things.

  31. Because there are predators out where the birds may roam free we cannot permit the birds to roam free any longer.

    By opting not to use force against your predators you enslave yourself.

  32. she should get a dozen M777 howitzers!!!
    Its should be easy with the US giving them away by the hundred for FREE!

  33. Remember – Two legged donkeys like two legged coyotes. The four legged donkeys are the ones that hate the four legged coyotes. Only need to look at the Southern border to see how much the two legged coyotes are liked by the two legged donkeys.

  34. Only one sure-fire way to dissuade them without gunfire. Ring of potatoes. Coyotes won’t cross it.
    They also hate either lemon or the smell of garlic.
    350 for 12 minutes, season to taste.

  36. Martha is a convicted felon because one time she did something that most members of congress do every day. That means no modern firearms.

    Compound bow might work… or a Ruger Old Army.

  37. Peafowl are not native to the US. Coyotes are.

    Let the coyotes feed on the non native fowl. Problem solved.

      • Coyotes have their use. They keep rodents down,
        Peafowl are just noisy, but pheasant are tasty.

        • Trooper,

          Never ate one, myself, but peacocks are commonly listed as delicacies in reports of old “royal” feasts. Just sayin’. Of course, I know a guy who claims to trap and eat pigeons, too, so . . .

  38. Coyotes are smart, adaptable, patient, persistent, and hungry. Sheep guys around here will keep a llama or donkey in the pasture, as noted above, or a Great Pyrenees if they favor dogs. Our neighbor has a perennial nest of red foxes in an old log pile, and a couple weeks ago one of them went whipping through our yard with a coyote hot on his trail. I know a few guys who hunt them quite successfully. One of my customers calls at night, has a fancy night vision camera scope on a varmint rifle, and has some interesting footage. My uncle used to hunt them with dogs, and would get a couple dozen every winter. Heard a coyote attack my beagle once while she was running a rabbit. Had her by the throat for a couple seconds but ran off as I approached. Vet patched her up, but she had some scarring in her throat that changed her voice to sound more like a goose. Later, her baying was mostly drowned out by the general hound music when running with my uncle’s dogs, but when hunting solo, I kept subconsciously feeling in my pocket for steel shot shells whenever she’d open up.

  39. Great Pyrenees dogs. At least two, maybe more. Introduce them as puppies to the flock so they know what to guard.

  40. Great Pyrenees are great for protecting livestock from predation by coyotes and others. Several other breeds work well as do donkeys.

    A few years ago, I saw a series of photos of an encounter between a (stupid) mountain lion and a mule. By the time the mule was finished, the mountain lion was reduced to a fur bag of disconnected cat parts.

    • I visited a donkey breeder. He explained that it was safer to be close to the head of an irritable donkey because their front legs are closer to a human shoulder so they could rotate the leg.
      I asked him what if he bites or leg clobbers you? He said “well less likely to be fatal at first blow”. For some reason I never appreciated the lethality of donkeys until it was explained. The same man explained how pack tactics effective on horses don’t work on donkeys. Something about how they won’t spook and tire but immediately go on offensive.

  41. Get rid of them through a Presidential Executive Order. That will take care of everything.

  42. I hear they taste like chicken. Peacorks not yotes. Yotes taste horrible without bbq sauce. TTAG gotta do more of these, I’m crackin up with you all!

  43. A large dog like a big lab is what we successfully used to protect chickens. Be careful though, some dogs like to eat birds as much as coyotes.

  44. Civilized cities used to cull the coyote population. That stopped in the ’90s at the demand of the animals rights people. After all, we “stole their land.”

    Even if an overpopulated herd then kills all our pets and dies of starvation, that crowd prefers that because its “natural.”

    Have you noticed we are always in the wrong? We stole their land, and so we are getting what we deserve. The self-loathing is off the charts. I want to ask my soft neighbors, what will you fight for? Anything?

  47. I can not imagine seeing coyotes in a city in broad daylight.
    I’d get three big dogs if I was Martha.
    I suppose city coyotes are much different then country coyotes.

  48. Martha, have you tried painting a fake train tunnel on the side of the house with a heavy anvil dangling above?

  49. She needs a couple of Mules or Donkey’s. They will eliminate and keep the coyotes cleared out. A nice Varmint fun would be a good addition as well.

  50. Hire a security company with flying drone cameras to patrol the perimeter of your property. Automate the system so the drones fly at sunset and retire at sunrise. following a set pattern. Have one drone fly a randomized pattern so the pest can’t learn and become acclimated. The system can be varied enough with laser lights or horns to annoy the animals. Motion sensors around the perimeter can detect hotspots for swarming. Harass the coyotes with money and chase them away.

  51. Of course she should harvest the birds herself, throw a big party and invite the neighbors. On their way out the door, each of them gets a peacock feather.

  53. When the only tool you have is a hammer, all of your problems start looking like nails.

    When your only real power is your elected authority to write new legislation, then, naturally enough, all of your “solutions” will involve writing new laws. And if tight budgets don’t allow for any more local or state government spending to actually enforce those new laws, then you just very quietly leave any enforcement of those new laws completely unfunded (and if you are democrat, you can count on complicit media to never so much as mention this serious problem).

    The obvious problem with people always looking for solutions from government officials whose only real power is to write law is a very old one, as evidenced by this 2000+ year old quote in it’s original Latin:
    “Corruptisima republica plurimae leges.” (The more corrupt a republic, the more numerous its laws.) – Tacitus

    Signs that say NO COYOTES ALLOWED and NO COYOTES PERMIITED ON PREMISES and so forth will just have to do, posted right alongside all the NO TRESPASSING, NO HUNTING and NO GUNS ALLOWED signs. Perhaps throw in a few “PEACOCK SANCTUARY” signs as well, to be extra sure all the predators know that those birds are supposed to be safe there.

    For anyone seriously wondering if this could actually work, here is a DuckDuckGo search for “HERE’S YOUR SIGN”:
    https://duckduckgo.com/?q=here%27s+your+sign&atb=v314-1&ia=web

  54. Since MS is a convicted felon, she can’t use the solution I use out here on the homestead.
    My old Colt AR-15A2 that wears a thermal scope. Several years back I ran across some 5.56 soft point ammo. Does a very nice job on exterminating coyotes.
    Also worked on the possum that was getting a little too interested in my hen house. Sorry Possum if it was 1 of your relatives.
    If Martha would like to put up some serious cash, I could set up a trapline and deal with the coyotes if gunfire would be a problem. Sorry Martha, I don’t work for free for the elites or the overly narcissistic.

  55. I think she might leave out an ACME product catalog where the coyotes can find and take it.

  56. I have it on pretty good authority that a “No Coyotes Allowed” sign should do the trick

  57. She needs to buy a donkey or two. They are territorial and will kick the crap out of coyotes and other pests. No need to break the law with firearms.

  58. Don’t know is donkeys get along with Peafowl, but if they do, get a pair, put them in the field and they’ll take care of the coyote issue.

  60. As somebody pointed out she’s a felon and can’t own guns. But we should reflect on that – she was convicted of a non-violent crime 18 USC 1001 which is basically “lying to the gov”. For that she loses here 2nd Amendment rights foreever?

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