Billy Swaggerty's guns were stolen when he let a stripper in his house.

“Be careful who you tell, keep it to yourself, don’t be bragging about how many guns you got, be careful who you let into your house and make sure you buy a quality safe. And that’s another thing…don’t let strippers in your house.” – Billy Swaggerty in Kokomo man’s warning after having 16 guns stolen: ‘Don’t let strippers in your house’ [via fox59.com]

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52 COMMENTS

  2. Guess that is good advice, but I have lead a boring life, since I have never even met a stripper.

    • It’s been a few years, but as I recall it only costs a dollar. Or do they still take singles?

    • The “former” ones are no worse than anyone else you meet, it’s the “current” ones you need to be careful of.
      It’s not like they were born a stripper, you know.

      • Two of my favorite (stupid) quotes from people I knew;

        You’re hot, you could be a stripper. (said to a woman, not me – I’m pretty sure it was meant as a compliment)

        My new girlfriend used to be a stripper.

        I’ve been to some places where it becomes blatantly obvious that you don’t have to be even remotely attractive to be a stripper. Even less so to be a former stripper.

    • I live in rural Appalachia, at the southern extremity of Ohio. Roughly 1/3rd of eligible adults here have a CCW permit, and though I’m guessing, it’s likely that 80+% of homes have at least one gun. Sometimes we get outsiders from large metropolitan areas, most of them act like those folks tweeting from the SF airport, greenhorns who have wondered outside the concrete bubble indeed!

    • Strippers are just as trustworthy as bar girls from Olongapo. Aren’t they??
      I mean She told me she loved me.

      • Too funny, but thanks to Bill Clinton, nobody under the age of 50 knows what you’re talking about. By the way if she’d have said I love you no bull shit it would have been true. :o)

        • Sad but true.
          Here’s a laugh. I got to where I could actually keep a stright face when I said,
          “my name? I’m Dick Goesinyou, baby I love you too no shit, but buy your own drink ”
          I wonder what Marines do for fun now days?

      • Was TDY to Clark AB back in the 80s (god, I’m old) and went to Subic on a day trip. Didn’t realize until we got there that the fleet was in that weekend. Prices spiked, and quality dropped considerably. Never forget the kid on a bike offering to take us to his sister. (we didn’t take that offer; even drunk horny guys have a line)

    • Years ago my brother had a job working as a Pinkerton guard at the health department in the town we grew up in. There were two things that seemed odd: it was an armed post, and he knew a fair number of the folks who showed up at the STD clinic.

    • I don’t know who’s more disappointing in this story: Billy, for trying to be Captain Save-a-Hoe; or his wife, for not objecting more strenuously to his ridiculousness. I mean, what kind of sad sack dumbass actually trusts a stripper, and what kind of wife lets that BS slide at all?

  6. Don’t worry, his guns were mostly small caliber stuff, in the .554mm to .762mm range. Makes those .9mm pistols practically cannons.

  8. I’d like to know who is stupid enough to click on the link of such spam. You’d have to be at least too stupid to be a productive member of society. If we could weed those imbeciles out, these spams would soon stop.

  9. Where did Billy met this woman?? Sounds like he had told her where he lived,
    and offered her a place to stay in the past, So he must have had some idea
    she was maybe a bit of a “troubled soul” .
    I wonder which head he was thinking with.
    I bet Billy boy does not hunt or fish. Think about it. Why is deer season during the rut?
    Why do we use “doe in heat” scent? What do elk bugles, rattling antlers and turkey calls mimic?
    Why are attractive women in beer commercials? Why are so many guys so fucking stupid????( Pun intended)

  10. He must have wanted his 15 seconds of fame pretty bad to admit on TV that he was an idiot.

  11. Biological imperative – males get stupider when women are ready. Strippers and many other women use this as a way to control us or trap us to get something

  12. You might think “Destiny” and/or “Jasmine” and/or “Crystal” and/or “Tiffany” adores you for your dollar bills, but they are most likely laughing at your gullibility.

    “After Hurricane Katrina, 15 strippers in New Orleans had to change their names”. Not my joke, can’t remember where I heard it, but it’s funny.

  13. My Gawwwwd……what’s this world coming to? If you can’t trust an 18 year old middle school dropout-turned-stripper named “Candy” with Daddy issues and a rap sheet and some menacing looking mouth sores…….then my God, who CAN you trust???

  15. What about their Clips? Can you allow them in your house? If not I might have a problem feeding some of my pets .

  17. Having lived with and dated strippers I declare they are no better or worse than “normal” girls. Just my experience, YMMV though.

    • (This only applies to guys who don’t go in acting like a walking ATM. Or a frat boy. Or a chump.)

      My experience has been the same over several decades. They do have a higher incidence of nuttery that the population at large, but they aren’t any worse than the VP coke whore I worked with, any number of bi-polar chicas I’ve known, not to mention ‘daddy issues’ for what appears to be the majority of millenial women. All women will empty your bank account, sleep with your boss, and/or run off with the pool boy.

      The question is whether or not you get the benefit of having a personal life that is somewhere between Californication and Caligula.

  18. Things not to do with strippers:
    1. Marriage
    2. Unprotected sex
    3. Make them the beneficiary on a life insurance policy
    4. Brag about how much money you have
    5. Pay with a credit card (mostly if married)
    6. Tell them how many guns you have (and don’t give them the combination to the safe)

    That about covers it.

    As an aside, my favorite stripper name is Peaches

  19. If you guys never learn anything else from veterans learn this and embed it deeply within your very soul. *Strippers are not housewife material!! Look at all those midlevel NCOs, lower enlisted, and junior officers that have moved back into the barracks having no vehicle and no personal possessions after a deployment. They also have alimony and/or child support. Terrible credit or bankruptcy and know the local repo guys by first name. They’ve learned the hard way. There’s a reason the meme for being a veteran says the following.

    You know you’re a veteran if:
    1) You have bad credit
    2) You have at least 1 divorce.
    3) You have the knees and back of a 96 year old polio survivor when you’re 26.

    * Reformed or former strippers can make a decent housewife is properly vetted, trained, and counseled after leaving the business and prior to marriage.

    • Ralph! I taught you better than that! You’re supposed to leave the lights in the basement off so they can’t find the door!

  23. Rule of thumb when partaking of strippers:

    1. use a fake name with strippers. Is their name really Amber or Destiny? No. Then why are you using your real name with her? Your name is Pete. (unless your name really is Pete, in which case its now Paul)

    2. Cash money, homey. No credit cards, no checks.

    3. no real details of your life. You’re a plumber. You live one town over. You live on a made up street.

    4. If you take her out of the club, there are motels within easy walking distance. Believe it or note, the people who build strip clubs and motels know exactly what they are doing when they build them so close together.

    5. Wrap it.

    • Never met a stripper that didn’t turn tricks as well.

      Yet some guys think banging a stripper is a feather in their cap.

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