Irresponsible (Flare) Gun Owner of the Day: Jorge Perez

February 6, 2013

That persistent burning sensation Jorge Perez felt in his crotch wasn’t gonorrhea. If only. Instead, officers arriving at his Lehigh Acres, FL home found him with some toasty testicles as a result of a flare gun he negligently discharged. According to abc-7.com, “Perez told deputies he was playing with a flare gun that was unloaded.” We guess no one’s ever explained to Jorge that the four rules apply to all guns. “After dry firing the gun a few times, Perez says he then loaded the gun and put it down. When he picked it up, Perez forgot the gun was loaded and fired it at the ground. Perez told deputies the flare round struck the floor and ricocheted into his genital area.” One in a million shot, Doc. One in a million.

21 COMMENTS

jwm February 6, 2013 At 16:38

Stupid should hurt. I’m guessing it did this time. Inventive way to get rid of crabs?
- Gyufygy February 6, 2013 At 17:08
  
  And everyone thought the Underwear Bomber (or the more accurate name, Fire Crotch) was trying to blow up a plane.
- g February 7, 2013 At 01:04
  
  Or some personal hygiene?
  
  I guess he won’t have to shave down there… seeing as how the fire probably burned off whatever hair happened to be there…
William February 6, 2013 At 16:42

Which was it, ground or floor? Different ricochet characteristics, y’know.
swampsniper February 6, 2013 At 16:42

Sounds like a Darwin Award winner!
- Rick February 6, 2013 At 17:36
  
  How to take yourself out of the gene pool without killing yourself. I wonder if he used the ACME diy vasectomy kit. h/t Wile E. Coyote.
jp February 6, 2013 At 16:43

Hopefully this happened before he was able to breed.
- Mark February 6, 2013 At 17:31
  
  We can only hope…
Paul W February 6, 2013 At 16:50

Ah it’s good to hear stupidity can still be painful.
Rick February 6, 2013 At 16:55

Fresh roasted nuts? Nah, way too easy. I agree with you JWM and Paul, stupid should hurt. I bet he votes too.
JPD February 6, 2013 At 17:07

How does that Elvis song go? I feel my temperature rising Higher, higher It’s burning Hunk a hunk a burning love?
- Mark February 6, 2013 At 17:32
  
  That explains the little scream after that line.
- 16V February 6, 2013 At 19:32
  
  I’m thinking a Jerry Lee Lewis’ Great Balls of Fire is even more appropriate…
Lance February 6, 2013 At 18:08

Obama tomorrow: Need to ban Evil Red Rifles.
AlphaGeek February 6, 2013 At 18:50

It certainly gives new meaning to “those damn hemorrhoids are flaring up again”.
Jesus February 6, 2013 At 21:15

That’s the city right next to mine.

……

We don’t talk about Lee High Acres
Randy Drescher February 6, 2013 At 23:53

Unless he goes to the hospital & a gorgeous supermodel has to rub in the lotion, then I’m buyin me a flare gun, Randy
- Jeff R February 7, 2013 At 09:18
  
  You probably won’t get the same nurse. Besides, if your genitals are burnt you probably can’t do much with a pretty nurse.
Gregolas February 7, 2013 At 09:28

And just how much alcohol was involved in this negligent dischrge, I wonder?
My Name Is Bob February 7, 2013 At 22:13

I lol’d
ItsLate February 9, 2013 At 12:55

Too Bad he Didn’t Reload…