We carry a gun so we’re harder to kill, and know the law of self-defense so we’re harder to convict. As much as we try to avoid crime, sometimes life gives us a crap sandwich. Even if you use your gun or other means of force to resist attack, injuries happen.
Anyone can see the physical injuries caused from a violent attack, but sometimes there is mental trauma as well. While those mental issues aren’t easily discerned by a casual observer, they can pose serious problems for the afflicted. Sometimes, even normally big, strong men (and women) can benefit from professional help to heal those mental injuries to help restore peace of mind.
On September 19, I found myself in that unenviable spot, subject of a hot-tempered driver’s road rage. He had a passenger who was also fired up, and I suspected they were feeding off one another’s anger. Instead of driving on, the driver decided to use a brand new F-350 pickup towing a trailer (probably a car hauler) to force me off Interstate 55 near Pontiac, Illinois.
He came into my lane and at first I gave him lots of room. Slowing aggressively wasn’t really an option with a big truck behind me. Then when he kept coming, the little voice in the back of my head started warning me: “He may not stop until you’re off the road!”
And he kept coming.
The little voice in the back of my head changed to. “people die in ditches.” Instead of driving off the shoulder, I opted to stand my ground. At that point we collided. His brand new F-350 and nice trailer were no longer pristine. Lord knows my pride and joy Explorer took plenty of abuse as well – about $8,500 worth in fact.
I had 911 on the phone to report a road rage attack and collision even before pulling onto the side of the road. Maybe 10 minutes later the state trooper arrived, took statements from both sides and then he returned to my car. I asked him what he thought. He chuckled.
“As you might imagine, their statement is about the dead opposite of yours. They said you were the one suffering from road rage and you swerved into them in the passing lane out of anger,” he told me.
“Ah, but I have some dashcam footage,” I told him. “But I’m struggling to bring it up.”
“Well,” he sighed. “It’s not looking so good for you right now. If you can show me that footage, that would be very helpful.”
A few minutes later, I took the memory card and adapter back to his squad and we watched the video together. It wasn’t exactly as I remembered it. I had the gist correct. And it clearly showed the statements of the guys in the truck to be misleading or downright false.
But there were two big takeaways from watching the video. The distances weren’t exactly as I remembered them. And the whole incident took place in a little over two seconds in real time. It seemed like it took a lot longer – like 10 seconds or more as my mind remembered it. Both of these – distorted perceptions of distance and time – were psychological effects of a high-stress incident that I’d learned about in courses on deadly force. Now I’d lived them first-hand.
The lawman copied the footage to his laptop and said he wanted to review it with his supervisor before making a decision on tickets.
The Waiting and Worrying Game
With the left side of my car banged up, including holes in the body, I finished the day with some wind noise, sans a mirror or a doorhandle that worked properly. What’s more, I also drove away with a lot of loose ends. Would I get the tickets or potentially get arrested? Then there were worries about fixing the car.
My anxiety continued steadily growing throughout the day into the evening. My lovely bride was angry that she had to leave work to pick up the kids. She offered zero support. To the contrary, she was critical of my decision-making from start to finish.
“You should have left the roadway to avoid the collision, or stopped,” she said. Leave the roadway? From my time as a fire department photographer many years ago, I saw more than a few single-vehicle fatal crashes where people left the roadway. Not only that, but the speed limit back then was 55. As for getting rear ended? That didn’t seem appealing to me either. Thanks for the second guessing, honey. That planted seeds of doubt in my mind.
It infuriated her when I said I was comfortable with how I handled it. It turned into something approaching an argument, and she shouted that I needed to get professional help. Another day in the life of marital bliss.
The next morning, I was angry – very angry – that another driver would try to run me off the road while having a road rage fit cruising down the Interstate at 70+ mph. They could have killed me trying to bully me like a schoolyard thug. My mind raced and emotionally I felt…unstable. One moment I was angry. Another moment I almost felt euphoric that I survived physically unscathed. Physically, I felt hot flashes, dry mouth and lots of tension to the point of nausea recalling what happened. Then thoughts would turn to anger at my wife for her utter and total criticism. Add in a big bucket of worries about how badly this could go wrong – arrest, conviction, loss of my job and the right to own firearms. I broke down sobbing in the locker room at the gym.
I knew I needed to get some help before I let this eat me up from the inside. At the same time I didn’t want to just randomly approach a therapist. The last thing I needed was to get a gun-hating liberal kook therapist to tell me I should submit next time.
Getting Help
So I reached out to the local sheriff and the assistant chief at the local PD. I texted them both asking who their department’s go-to therapist was for crime victims or cops who have used deadly force. In a couple minutes, they both came back with the same person, Emily Barker, a nurse practitioner who specializes in PTSD and trauma, based in Normal, Illinois.
I called her immediately and left a sobbing voicemail. She got back to me in a couple of hours. She offered time over the weekend if I felt I needed it, but I knew I’d be around friends at a class so I opted for a 4-hour evening session Monday night. It wasn’t cheap at $200 an hour, but she came highly recommended by men I highly respect. I sent her the dashcam footage and a narrative so she could see what happened for herself ahead of the appointment.
It marked the first time I’d ever reached out for “therapy.” I’d always had kind of a dismissive view of therapists and their work “helping” people. And who can forget the commercial where R. Lee Ermey plays the therapist?
But when two LEO administrators sing high praise for the same person, I figured I didn’t have anything to lose except my freedom were I to over-react to an incident in my then-emotionally unstable and rattled state. Or my sanity as doubts and PTSD ate me up on the inside.
I walked into the appointment tense and unsure about things. We talked about the incident in great detail, eliciting some strong feelings of anxiety, anger, uncertainty and all the physical symptoms as well. I shared some of the bullying I’d experienced as a youngster. (I wrote about some of it at TTAG years ago.) She had me practice some treatment techniques including alternating movements while recalling (and re-living) the incident in vivid detail, and as I did so the anxiety tension began to fade. Over and over, she practiced her black magic. Four hours later I felt mentally exhausted and utterly spent.
Before I left, she warned me to avoid any intoxicants.
“Just go to bed when you get home,” she said. “You’ll be emotionally raw for a few days as you heal.” Indeed, I felt just as she warned me.
While that first session did wonders, I still felt all those emotions rushing back when I gave my statement to the insurance company. And again when the other party’s insurance initially refused to accept any financial responsibility for the crash.
In the next couple days, I learned that the other driver was cited and the insurer of the truck accepted fault after getting a copy of the dash cam footage. Both the ISP and State Farm cleared me of any wrong doing and State Farm’s claim investigator said they would stand behind me all day long on this incident. The dashcam proved priceless for me.
A few more therapy sessions filed off the remaining burrs causing me anxiety and emotional distress. Writing about this a couple of weeks after my final session I barely feel any anxiety at all.
The true test will come when I take the driver to small claims court to recover the last $3000 in car rental expenses. I’m actually kind of looking forward to my day in court with him.
If I could leave our TTAG intelligentsia with anything: don’t be afraid to seek out therapy if you’re the victim of an attack. Your gun might save you during an attack, but it won’t help you fix mental trauma from an attack.
Seek out help, especially if you recognize that you have mental wounds. You’re not weak for reaching out for help, and they’re not going to take your guns away unless you’re talking about self-harm, and even then losing your guns isn’t a foregone conclusion. Heck, even if you don’t sense something wrong it still might be well worth a couple of hours to speak with a therapist.
Your family will likely thank you for it down the road.
Lastly, if you drive like a decent human being, put a dashcam in your car. Like yesterday.
“And the whole incident took place in a little over two seconds in real time. It seemed like it took a lot longer – like 10 seconds or more as my mind remembered it. Both of these – distorted perceptions of distance and time – were psychological effects of a high-stress incident that I’d learned about in courses on deadly force.”
100% correct.
You were undergoing the natural human ‘stress response’, AKA ‘Fight or Flight’ response.
The ‘stress response’ can make you not think clearly during the event and for a bit after the event is over, its the effect of all the adrenaline flooding the body and the brain putting the body in over drive and then the massive release of cortisol.
After the amygdala sends a ‘fight or flight’ (‘stress response’) distress signal, the hypothalamus activates the sympathetic nervous system by sending signals through the autonomic nerves to the adrenal glands. These glands respond by pumping the hormone epinephrine (also known as adrenaline) into the bloodstream. This hormone response also triggers the release of large amounts of cortisol. As this happens the sympathetic nervous system takes over and suppresses the parasympathetic nervous system.
The parasympathetic nervous system is what gives you the ability for a sense of time and distance. When this is suppressed by the sympathetic nervous system you lose the ability to ‘more accurately’ gauge time and distance, its not uncommon for the sense of time to be distorted or slowed or exaggerated or simply stop for a person undergoing ‘stress response’. For some people their sense of time simply stops completely as if time has stopped for them and in their mind it did – for example, did you ever read a news story involving violence and a witness or victim is quoted as saying “it seemed like time stopped…”, well, that’s because for them it did stop in their sense of time due to the stress response.
(note: this is also why you should not talk to police after a DGU. Wait for your lawyer to help you do that.)
Just slow down and pull over and let them go around. Not worth all of this mess. Better to avoid conflict is what we were taught in concealed carry class. And wait for your lawyer before talking.
Say you didn’t read the article without saying you didn’t read the article.
Bad drivers are like dirtbag criminals…There’s always another one just ahead…So relax and sing along…
h ttps://youtube.com/watch?v=Wu4_zVxmufY&feature=shared
Come on, dude…read the article!
You CAN’T leave the road willingly at freeway speeds. Not if you want to avoid a Gddamned rollover!
Read the article. Use some common sense.
When around another driver who is driving reckless or erratic, I pull over and let them go. Like I tell my wife, doesn’t matter if you are right, when your car is still wrecked. Where I live, we have a lot of Mule Deer, not a day goes by, I see a dead Deer on the highway. it’s a big problem, before pulling out on the highway, I wait for a semi-truck to go by and I then follow it. This has saved me numerous times from a deer strike.
Sue them for the therapy sessions as well.
Someone once told me that there’s always a silver lining. Learn to look for it. Also, you don’t have to be religious to understand and apply the Serenity Prayer.
Appears that there’s an emergency lane. Why not use it for its intended purpose?
Sorry Gadsden, you move in to the emergency lane and they keep coming, then what? Rollover in the ditch?
Gadsden, after zooming in on the pic what you say may very well have been a viable option. Go to the emergency lane slow down and take yourself out of the fight. It looks like level ground past the emergency lane so Mr. Boch may have been safe to go even further. Then I remember he said this lasted all of about 3 seconds.
muckraker,
The emergency lane was totally a safe option–both to get out of the white pickup truck’s way AND to avoid someone rear ending Mr. Boch. (Mr. Boch mentioned that a large truck–presumably a semi-truck–was behind him and slamming on his brakes might have resulted in the semi-truck smashing into him.)
As for the level ground beyond the emergency lane, it could very well be much softer than the pavement which would cause the car to pull VERY hard to the right as soon as both passenger-side tires hit that soft surface. It is therefore entirely possible that hitting the level ground beyond the emergency lane could cause a nasty crash.
Mr. Boch’s best option was to swerve into the emergency lane and then brake hard in case the white pickup truck kept coming over.
Note: this is very easy for us to analyze well removed and well after the fact. It probably wasn’t so easy to analyze in the moment when Mr. Boch had less than two seconds to maneuver evasively.
uncommon, very well said. I’ m sitting in a deer stand in Georgia so I’m trying to keep it brief. The only thing I would add is to turn on hazard lights to give the trucker a heads up. Time permitting.
Muck, if I had a $100 bill for every crash I worked on Interstate 10 I’d quit buying lottery tickets. I seen this kind of thing before.
To make what could be a long story short: a couple years ago I interrupted a gang-banger beating up his “girlfriend” outside the gate of my club’s private range.
In the end, he went to jail, and she went to the hospital.
I knew from the beginning that I was in the right, but it still kinda rips on me to recall the story.
I had words, but no physical contact, with that shitbag, but I was very ready to. I had no gun, just a BFK, but I’ve carried religiously since.
I didn’t seek any counseling, but, in retrospect, maybe I should have.
According to mapping, there’s a pond to his right, out of the picture. As long as the ground was dry, it would be fine to have a couple of wheels in the grass if necessary. There’s no need to brake that hard, just hard enough. If the grass was wet and soft, it could potentially be bad.
I tried to post a link to the map, but it went to moderation even after breaking the link, so I deleted it. I used dashcam coordinates to look it up.
“emergency lane”? WTF is an “emergency lane”- that photo shows the shoulder of the, it is paved because we tax excessively/give too much cash to DOT to waste paving road shoulder.
1. GTH out of Illinois
2. Don’t use State Farm – one of the worst auto insurnace carriers
3. Don’t ask a feminist/woman for ___________.
4. PTSD from operating a car, snowflake?
neiowa,
I don’t think PTSD is from simply “operating a car”.
There was a LOT more at stake than simply operating a car. Sideswiping someone–especially aggressively–at 70+ mph can easily cause a car wreck with severe injuries and/or fatalities.
Then there was the sudden and unexpected legal jeopardy immediately after the fact: it was entirely possible that law enforcement could have charged Boch with aggravated assault for intentionally driving his car into the truck–if law enforcement characterized (incorrectly) the event that way.
Experiencing an event where an aggressor intentionally attacked you (with his vehicle–a deadly weapon) that could have easily permanently maimed/killed you–and then facing the real prospect of 5+ years in prison for something that you did not do–that is WAY beyond merely “operating a car”.
There are entitled douchebags who think everyone should yield to them regardless of who has legal right of way. There are also douchebags who like to cause accidents because they think it’s funny. Both types tend to be very aggressive and will go into full road rage at the slightest perceived provocation.
neiowa, some call it a breakdown lane. If you’re naive enough to not know what that lane is for, maybe you should change your tire on the soft dirt.
As a slower driver with an older car, I’ve noticed some problems not mentioned yet – 1) passing on 2 lane roads is a lost art. 2) people count on reactive cruise control to determine what is a safe distance from your bumper. It ain’t. And yeah, folks get mad easy anymore.
That said, I have been wreck-free for 60ish years, try to stay 5mph over (which is slow these days), and have zero ego about who goes first.
As to the tire thing, fixaflat and a 12v compressor are good things to have. I will use the emergency lane when it is called for, but damn sure feel safer in the ditch, lol…
I’ve seen all sorts of detritus in “emergency lanes” in numerous states. People leave car parts, big chunks of truck tires, old sofas, broken down cars and trailers with flat tires, and just about anything you can imagine.
These so-called emergency lanes MIGHT be clear for an emergency maneuver, but many times they are not. And at highway speeds, you won’t see an old hubcap or muffler until it’s too late and you hit it and end up with a whole wheel assembly folded under your vehicle. Or worse.
Hit the emergency lane if you must, but at that point, you just might be beyond the “oh Shl!tski” moment and more in the “Here I come, Jesus!” moment.
And don’t ever second-guess somebody who didn’t use the “emergency lane”. You weren’t there, and you don’t know.
To John B:
Man, that’s rough. I’m so glad you’re getting help and finding your way through this mess and the associated PTSD.
Please do update us after that last court date.
I don’t know her, but I’m disappointed in your wife for not having grace and understanding after this incident. Hopefully you two can work this out. I know that it would feel like a betrayal to me to be second-guessed by somebody who wasn’t present during the incident.
And please tell us what kind of dashcam equipment you use. I have no idea what to buy, or even how to shop for such a thing.
I zoomed in on the pic and saw Rove R2-4K.
https://www.rovedashcam.com/products/rove-r2-4k-car-dashcam?
Comment awaiting moderation…idiots!
Osprey, go to http://www.rovedashcam dot com ad the https: in front.
How to shop for dash cams 101
1. Open the internet icon on your phone.
2. Type in dash cams in your favorite web browser.
3. You’re now looking at sites where you can shop for dash cams.
Come on.
Just because it SOUNDS fun to give a smarmy reply, doesn’t mean that you have to give a smarmy reply.
I have done all that already. I would have thought that people on a gun site who get pedantic at every turn about calibers, triggers, sights, Cooper’s rules, and expected behaviors would be able to just grant each other some grace and understanding.
If you were really interested in being helpful at all, you would have at least given a couple of pointers. Or you could have just ignored my post.
This is why we can’t have nice things. It’s also how our opponents are able to get anti-2A legislation passed. We’re just too busy being smart-@sses to each other to be able to put up any kind of meaningful fight.
If you don’t want to help me, fine. Leave me alone. But my God, do better. Our ability to continue to own and use firearms and enjoy our other freedoms depends on us not being mean to each other.
Do better. This is not the place for your practical joke posts.
I magnified Mr. Boshs screenshot. At the bottom it says Rove R2-4K. Went to their website and found lots of options. Unfortunately I can’t paste it in. (moderation) BS.
Bochs durnit.
Skill issue
Never been in that sort of situation, but hope I would have played it safe by allowing the fool time to place a safer distance between him and me. Me slowing down, taking the shoulder etc. It ain’t Easy, but playing it safe as possible is the best policy and the policy that can/could save time and money along with inconveniences of repair, court, dealing with LEO and so on. As stated earlier, It Ain’t Easy all the time.
Someone has to take evasive action and if the other driver doesn’t, then that leaves________.
I’ve had crap like that happen Boch. And in ILL annoy too. Never wave or gesture. Forced off the road by a semi prior to gat ownership or I would have fired at the bastard. He turned into a truck compound (not public)& I thought better than to follow him. Needed NO therapy🙄
I second the encouragement to seek out therapy after an extremely dangerous/traumatic event.
My first event happened when I was in fourth or fifth grade. An adolescent boy who was 12-inches taller than me chased me just shy of a half mile in a demonic rage–even trying to break through my garage door behind which I managed to barricade myself. Two years later I was making booby traps in my yard in case someone ever chased me again. And I was such a light sleeper that an adult walking across plush shag carpeting in bare feet would wake me up, as a pre-teen and into my teen years.
More recently (about 6 years ago) my neighbor’s two psychotic German shepherds got loose and were heading toward a defenseless neighbor’s home. I headed out to try and at least warn that neighbor when one of the dogs decided to run past the owner to attack me. I drew my handgun expecting to have to shoot it–fortunately my resolute body language convinced it to stop several feet short of me. In that event I was gravely concerned for my neighbor’s physical well being as well as my own physical well-being, and I was also significantly concerned about neighborhood and legal persecution for being armed and shooting/killing two “cuddly” dogs. Anticipating the worst in that situation, I had one of my children come outside and capture the whole ordeal on a portable video camera (from a very safe distance) for evidence purposes. Echoing Mr. Boch’s commentary, I was surprised at feeling mildly nauseated when watching the video a couple days later. And I am still a very light sleeper.
Horrible events impact us psychologically. Be ready to seek help processing and healing from any such event.
Thanks for sharing.
Ok, I just drove home from a friend’s farm in GA. No joy. Just does and I didn’t feel like fooling with one of those after dark. Shoot does in the morning and trophy bucks when you see them. Wait! I did see a rack buck on the way to the stand. Decent 8 pt, but nothing I wanted. We had a staring contest for about 10 seconds before he decided he ought to leave.
While I have never been in a situation like this, there have been other traumatic events where the support of my spouse and others has been lacking. Interestingly, I find the support from my fellow GSL members has now replaced the non-support I got from my former church. I have seen a therapist due to rejection from my church due to my stance on guns, and the death of my son. It helped some, but cannot remove the thoughtlessness of others
I have a real problem with people criticizing John for what he did in this situation and the previous road rage incident when he had the twins. We were not there. Who are we to judge what he experienced in 2 seconds? It is easy to go back and find fault. John spends most of his life on the road, or so it seems. Our job is to support our friends, after the event. Nothing we can say can change that event. Why people do this is beyond me. Our job is to support each other, even if they were wrong, which John was not in this case.
Get a dash cam! Think about what would happen to John if not for the dash cam. Think of the emotional stress if he had not had one. it could have been a whole lot worse.
I must say John, your story shocked me, not by the event itself (by all means bad enough), but by the total lack of empathy and support from someone who you would expect, your wife… 🙁
Nobody got hurt.
I think I’d get PTSD from the price of seeing the therapist.
I have PTSD from reading about it.
I’d get PTSD from the unsupportive attitude of my wife (if I had one of those). You need to know that your safe place is always your home, and your safe space is made so because you chose well when you decided upon whom your life partner would be.
Yeah Geoff, in a bad situation I dont need my ole lady raggin on me too. But can happen.
My better half was so mad at me for wrecking her car she took an axe to it and made a sun roof., … You may be a redneck if,,,
John,
Two observations. While I am not real hung up on the external appearances of my vehicles I try to keep them as presentable as possible. I would be really annoyed if one of them got damaged unnecessarily but ultimately they are consumable appliances and fungible. Your SUV did its job and kept you safe in the collision.
You need to seriously reflect upon your wife’s behavior here. If this is an aberration then maybe let it go. If it is not then you need to take a hard look at your relationship and perhaps consider couples therapy because her actions (as you have characterized them) are not acceptable.
If you drive fast enough you do not have to worry about after the wreck.
That’s what my therapist told me.
I blow by them school busses so fast the kids haven’t got time to get ran over.
This guy gets it.
I teach on the subject of lawful Deadly Force to private citizens, security officers, armed teachers and cops. I remind my students that if they ever need to employ Deadly Force there is no shame in getting some counselling afterwards. Seeking counselling does not mean you did wrong, or are “less than”; it means you a human being with a normal moral compass.
Thumbs up for recounting your experience.
When you go to a nut doctor the nut doctor marks it down and then later on if something happens they bring up seeing a nut doctor in court.
Therapy can be accomplished at home with a jug of Jack Daniel’s
While you’re at it with the psychiatrist, you could have asked her the best way to get a divorce from your wife with minimal stress?
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