The UK’s dailymail.uk.co is predictably appalled by Levi Johnson’s plan to name his latest illegitimate offspring Breeze Beretta when she’s born. Of all things…a gun. You remember Levi. He’s the hockey player who impregnated Sarah Palin’s daughter, then turned around and allowed himself to be used by various media outlets to attack the Palin family. Now he’s managed to knock up another chick to whom he isn’t married, Sunny somebody. Turns out he’s an avid hunter. The two of them went on a four-day expedition and forgot to pack birth control. Oops. No word as to whether he managed to bag anything – other than Sunny – on the trip. Someday the kid will count herself darned lucky that dear old dad wasn’t an Anschutz fan.

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28 COMMENTS

  3. I’ll bet the folks in Alaska are just overjoyed that ol’ Levi has made another single mother that will probably need food stamps and welfare checks to raise his kid. I was very carefull to NOT make a herd of babies when I was out and single. And that was decades ago! Why can’t this guy practice safe sex. As to what he names his kid, I don’t care as long as I don’t have to contribute to feeding it, schooling it, sheltering it, or clothing it.

    • Another?

      Whatever happens to Bristol Palin, I’m fairly confident she’s not supporting her kid on food stamps.

  4. He’s got a nice baby mommy there, obviously not that bright but what can you do.

  5. If the American taxpayer is not going to pay for my health insurance then I do not want my money stolen by government to support single parent welfare. When a society rewards bad or irresponsible behavior then it will get more of it.

  6. This is a guy who needs a supressor badly. Maybe we can get the ATF to waive the license fee and waiting period.

  7. Turns out he’s an avid hunter.

    Yup, and we can see exactly what he’s hunting.

    Personally, I think Levi Johnson should keep his Johnson in his Levis, but what do I know?

    • Did you get these zingers out in court or did you have to save them up for years and are now finally getting to let them all out?

      Either way, we at TTAG are reaping the benefits.

      • Smartass lawyers tend to upset the cross-dresser with the hammer who sits behind that big benchy thing in the front of the courtroom. But some of my appellate briefs were knee-slappers.

        • + a bunch.

          Thanks, Ralph, I had to clean my phone off after reading that last one m

          • I have two words to share with you — Bluetooth headset.

            No need to thank me. I live to serve.

  8. Hopefully he handles his firearms more responsibly than he does his pecker. Kid should be glad he’s not a Merkel fan either.

  9. While no criteria is thus far known to have been formally established for Mousering Glocking, Barretting or Mossberging, the commonly held notion is such that only two successful hunts are necessary to qualify as a Bushmaster.

    As an impertinent aside, rumor has it that the Queen, with the expressed approval of distinguished members of Parliament has only moments ago issued the following edict:
    ‘the brandishing of any weapon capable of accidentally causing a person is hereby strictly prohibited by law.’

  11. All this hate for one guy. How about the female types that slept w/ this guy? And you think Levi is alone? The majority of children, yes the majority, born to women in their 20’s are not born into marriages (at least in America). Does anyone think the stats for moms under 20 are any better? Whores and man-whores . . . they are everywhere. It is a brave, strange and decadent new world.

  13. You’ve got to love the outrage over naming a person after a gun company that is, after all, named after a person.

    • I’d be more outraged that he plans to name her Breeze. There’s a girl destined to be a porn star from the get go. It could be worse though. He could change his mind and name her Breeze Bushmaster Johnson.

    • No. Darwin explained us. Yep, even un-Levi’d Johnson. Especially un-Levi’d Johnsons.

  15. From my previous post, please strike the word Mousering and replace with Mausering, add one comma directly after the word Mausering, or disregard the previous post and/or this one entirely.
    Thank you.
    ( While he could have named her Remington, Winchester, or Springfield, at least he didn’t name her Smoothbore, Pepperbox or Blunderbuss.)

  16. Bushmaster – The Levi Johnson Story

    There once was a man named Levi
    Who couldn’t keep his pants above knee high
    He turned out to be a prick
    Who qualified girls for a welfare check

    He once took one out hunting
    He ended up just bunting
    He got another baby mamma
    And then he said, I don’t wanna

    Now we all know
    What to expect
    When you don’t get to blow
    Your cartridge off at an elk

    As we sift through the puns
    Men, we must inform our sons
    The danger of our Levis fall
    Exposed as Johnsons, one and all

    *I know I stole some jokes, but I hope I did them POETIC justice*
    *troll face*

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