TTAG reader Rich Weatherby read a comment about the need for a group to counter Moms Demand Action for Common Sense Gun Control. I mean, Gun Sense in America. Anyway, it inspired him to Onion-up a letter to the editor for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. They posted it, revealing the fact that they “got it” with their headline: ‘If we need gun control, then we need car control, too.’ Which reminds me of the immortal line, I’ll disarm you, my pretty. And your little dog, too! Nice work Rich.
As I was driving home from work today, I saw a fender-bender on the side of the road. One car driven by a teenager, and one driven by an adult. It dawned on me how dangerous it is to let anyone get a driver’s license without a background check. Citizens under the influence of alcohol and illegal drugs operate automobiles every day of the year!
I am starting a “Men Demand Action for Automobile Control” to establish common-sense automotive reforms. We are a nonpartisan grassroots movement of American fathers demanding new and stronger solutions to lax automobile laws, loopholes and policies that for too long have jeopardized the safety of our children and families.
We believe people don’t need individually owned vehicles — vehicles that caused the deaths of 32,367 people in 2011 alone. It’s time to make transportation available operated only by professional and state DOT-recognized drivers. More buses and trains, no more personally owned vehicles.
Do you realize how many teenagers are driving these heavy, hulking masses of steel every day without adult supervision? And have you driven by a school lately? Literally hundreds of these injury- and death-producing machines on school grounds, surrounding our innocent children. Don’t even get me started on high-capacity privately owned vehicles such as vans and buses. If this organization can save the life of just one child, the greater societal sacrifice will be worth it.
Rich Weatherby • Dardenne Prairie
I wish they would see this satire as serious as it is for us fighting the gun control morons..Same rules, different inanimate object.
But the anti’s wont ever see it. I keep forgetting how much smarter than everyone else the anti-gun crowd is.
Outstanding satire I’ll join.
…very well written – I think I’ll steal it for my office!
Well done, sir! Shared on FB.
The only change: I would have mentioned assault sports cars with deadly high-horsepowers engines and military style Jeeps and Humvees that only belong on the battlefield.
And don’t even get started on all the hundred of thousands of FARM TRUCKS that are not licensed at all. All those farmers and ranchers who taught their poor children to drive while said offspring sat in their parents’ laps as they negotiated those horrible dirt roads and three-speed transmissions. Some of those children are only 10 or 12 years old!There they are, prowling all of that private land and it just takes one moment for one of them to break loose onto a public highway! Imagine the global chaos if they all just left the private roads at the same time! It would be a disaster from sea to shining sea!!!
I’m in. I just want a nice bumper sticker from it.
That farm vehicle loophole has been around way too long.
Sign me up! I’ll miss my truck, but I have to Think of the Children ™.
Well done sir.
You’ll pry my steering wheel from my cold, dead hands!
Dang it! Coffee spew
Step back, everyone… he’s channeling Charlton.
Who are you to tell me how many carbs my intake manifold needs? How dare you try to tell me how many wheels need power from the engine to make my vehicle go down the road and who gives you the right to tell me how many horsepower i need to drive from point A to point B!?!?!?!?!
The crazy thing that I don’t get is the anti’s argument of: “But cars aren’t purpose built to kill people like guns are”. Why do they think that this is an argument in their favor? Why do these people not consider it even MORE unacceptable that something that *isn’t* intended to cause damage/harm (like guns are, to use their words/opinion) is responsible for 32000 deaths annually, untold numbers of injuries, huge amounts of physical/financial loss of property, etc??
If they were truly concerned about safety of “the children” and families then we would all start with things that we all have much greater control over; our cars, pools, parenting, medical practice, nutrition, etc. That would save so many more lives.
Now this is a good argument. Shouldn’t it be more disturbing when something that isn’t intended to be deadly kills 34,000 people every year? Definitely going to use it.
Vehicles are involved in more US deaths per year than all firearms combined.
And there are more firearms in the United States than vehicles.
This means that there are more deaths per vehicle in the US than there are deaths per firearm, and people want to claim that the latter are only good for killing?
Not very logical.
Those all black cars are the scariest and need to be permanently parked.
But carefully and not while any other of those Stephen King death mobiles might be watching. Shhhh!
They need to put bright orange bug shields on the black cars so we know they aren’t real.
I think if every vehicle was equiped with an ignition interlock that woul prevent drunk driving. The government can mandate all vehicles be equipt with a built in breathalizer. If it saves one life it is worth every penny it will cost, to retrofit every vehicle in the America.
I have the right to own and use my firearms. You do not have the right to drive a car!
The sad thing is that there are people that don’t see that as satire, that believe we truly should only use public transportation.
Coincidentally enough, they both live in the various urban hubs from which springs the notion that guns simply serve no purpose in a civilized society. I so want to get one of those people out into my state where you might drive an hour or more without seeing another road, building, or being able to pick up AM radio.
Not a particularly good example. In fact it is so weak to be laughable. ‘Apples and oranges’ is the first thought I have. Cars and driving are so much better regulated than firearms – just think about it.
Drivers get training at a young age (usually Drivers Ed), then have to pass a test to get a licence. Then you have to operate your registered and road-worthy vehicle in a way that doesn’t break the rules and is considerate to other road users. If you drive in a dangerous manner you get a ticket, or worse. If you are an unlicensed driver or have an unregistered car you get into more trouble.
Most folks have to deal with all of this and most would agree that it is a workable system. Not perfect, but that’s what the DOT and the Highway Patrol are for.
Now…
Substitute ‘shooter’ for driver and ‘firearm’ for any reference to a car or vehicle.
I’m going to bet that most folks would have a fit and see this as an evil plot by gun grabbers and big government to send UN troops in black helicopters to confiscate your guns.
I think ‘Shooter’s Ed’ in high school might be a good idea. At the very least it will help reduce accidental deaths.
drivers ed has been removed from majority of schools in the nation also at one time firearms safety was taught in school
I would encourage you to look at Dave Kopel’s article on the idea of regulating guns like we regulate cars.
The short version of it is that the two are closer than you think, and in some ways cars are even less regulated than guns. It requires no background check to buy a car, and there’s no license required if you only drive on private land. Moreover, there are no restrictions on the kind of car you can drive on private land, and provided you are willing to tow it in a trailer, taking non-road legal cars from one piece of private land to another (like, say, from a home to a racetrack – this equates essentially to sticking a gun in a case in the trunk, as it is outside your control) is entirely legal. If we were to regulate guns like we regulate cars, you might need a more stringent license to carry a gun (which is analogous to driving, as you are placing it in your immediate control while in public) but most other restrictions would be done away with.
Kopel, of course, explains all this far better than I ever could.
Cars aren’t more regulated than firearms, not be a long shot.
I can go to any state, buy car, then take it to another state. There is no background check, there is no requirement for a license, I don’t have to have the car shipped to a dealer in my own State.
I can legally buy a car without ever once driving a car prior, nor do I even have to ever show ID.
If the car is in stock, there is no waiting period.
The only reason you are showing ID when buying a car is because you are likely financing it and they want to know who you are for financial reasons.
I buy a car for cash, it’s I hand you cash, you hand me the car and the pink slip. End of transaction. I don’t even need to know your name nor you mine.
I don’t have to register the car, nor do I have to have a driver’s license. I only need those if I want to make use of PUBLIC roads.
“I can legally buy a car without ever once driving a car prior, nor do I even have to ever show ID.”
To add strength to this point, it should be noted that you don’t need a Motorcycle license to legally buy a 1000cc sportbike and ride it away from the dealership. The sad fact is that inexperienced riders often ride to their death within sight of the store where they bought it.
Will they ban spoilers as a “lethality enhancing device?”
I have a high capacity Suburban with a tail gate thingy that goes up.
You don’t need a high capacity Suburban! Why can’t you just have a standard capacity Tahoe? That is all you need. Who needs a vehicle that big? Who needs more than 7 passengers? Think of the children!
Mr Weatherby forgot to add the planetary destruction caused by CO2 spewing automobiles powered by the internal combustion engine. The Reverend ALGore has called the automobile the most evil device ever invented.
Thanks for the props, RF and others. The letter was inspired by a few comments I saw on here last week, and I even borrowed a few directly as my creativity was flowing from the top end of a 12-ounce bottle. I only wish that the message would be recognized for being as ludicrous as it is, and the easy dot-to-dot connection would be made by those that need to see it.
…I could definitely use some creativity right now – what kind of “12 ounce bottle”???
*8)
It seems fitting to repost the following:
FROM a poster with the screen name JARHEAD 1982 ====>
….. Do I need the governments permission to buy a car? No……… Do I need to buy the car from only certain people with licenses to sell cars? No…… Can I buy as many cars as I want each week/month/year. Yes…… Can I buy small cars, big cars, slow cars, fast cars, cars that look dangerous? Yes…… Can I buy Hummers virtually like the troops use? Yes…… Do I have to wait from 5 to 15 days to pick up my car. No……. If I traded in one car for a newer model do I still have to wait five to ten days to pick the new one up. No……. Can I modify my car to allow more fuel, more performance, or better cornering. Yes…… Would I have to turn over to the government without compensation some models of automobiles that might be banned years after I buy them. No…… Do I need a license to buy a car? No……. Can I buy a car at age 16? Yes……. Are driving lessons mandated in most high schools? Yes…… Can I buy a car from anyone in any state? Yes……. Can I sell my car to anyone in any state? Yes…… Can convicted felons buy, own or drive a car. Yes….. In some places (e.g. NYC or New Jersey) would I first need a permit to buy from the police department which sometimes takes up to 2 years to obtain. No….. In some cities (e.g. Washington D.C.) would I have to store your car partially disassembled. No……. Do I need to register a car that I own? No (as long as I keep it on my own property)…… Do I need a background check or waiting period to buy a car? No….. Is my car held responsible if I misuse it? No…… Would failure to register my car be a federal felony (prevents me from owning another one). No….. Do I need to “safe store” my car even though many are stolen and used for criminal purposes? No….. Will I lose my driver’s license if I violate the law with my car? Most likely not…. Can I legally drive my car into any state/city in the nation with every jurisdiction honoring my registration/license? Yes…… Shall I go on?
Great letter to the editor, I’m surprised they printed it. There is no constitutional right to own and operate a car. There is a constitutional right to possess a firearm. The founders of our country believed that owning a weapon was a basic human right, and a basic responsibility of every citizen, not to be subject to the whims of government intervention.
They printed it because I’m being led to believe that most “mainstream” print and TV news media do not employ literate people any more, so they will distribute literally anything.
I am going to start a boycott of Starbucks and demand they close all their drive throughs and stop selling coffee to people inside their machines of death!
No one needs a GSX-R1000.
Ban Assault Rotaries!
I’m most concerned about those deadly pocket rockets. Didn’t we just see this weekend that a bunch of hooligans armed with these deadly devices can easily attack and hold an entire city block at their mercy?
And don’t tell me that the best counter for a bad guy with a vehicle is a good guy with a vehicle. I mean, one of those black assault trucks still couldn’t stop those motorcycles.
Total vehicular dewheelment. That’s the answer.
Just ban the automatics. While you’re at it, keep raising the price of fuel until nobody can afford to buy it.
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