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“A Lynchburg Department of Human Services employee is out on bond after Amherst County authorities said they found him late Sunday wearing camouflage and a mask on a neighbor’s property while armed with a gun and a suspicious bag of bacon.” What exactly was suspicious about that bacon? Given the locale, would a Virginia ham have been more in keeping with expectations? Maybe the gun wasn’t considered suspicious because of its diminutive caliber. As news advance.com makes clear, “Deputies found (Evan Patrick) Cater with a .9mm handgun and a bag of bacon covered in an unknown oily substance” when called to the scene by the property owner . . .

Suspicious or not, Cater, a county employee, won’t be facing any consequences for toting the bacon around in the dark (unless, of course, he’s Muslim or Jewish). However, he “was charged with trespassing, wearing a mask in public and being under the influence while possessing a concealed weapon, according to a Sheriff’s Office news release.” Maybe staking out all the good houses before Halloween wasn’t such a good idea.

[h/t MikeTheHopsFarmer]

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67 COMMENTS

    • I expect today’s “journalists” to be ignorant of all things ballistic, and of the constitution, and generally lacking in common sense. But the fact that they apparently failed 3rd grade math never ceases to amaze me.

    • That would get someone killed. Ain’t no ifs ands or buts about that.
      If caught someone red handed trying to poison my dogs, god help them because I would be tickling their brains with my thumbs via their eye sockets. If I didn’t kill them, they would be in the ICU for a long time.
      We are talking a handgun shoved in their mouth as far it would go with extreme malice and prejudice, baseball bat to various body parts….wait, I don’t own a baseball bat. Well, I’d find something that would work as well.
      I’ve seen red before. It’s very strange occurrence and has happened for sure once and maybe twice. I can say for certain that poisoning my dog is something that could cause that to happen.

  5. This sounds like a bizarro story at first, even more so when I clicked on the link and read the county had imposed a “no shoot zone” around his house. Further reading clarified all. This dude was shooting rifles in his neighborhood, which prompted his neighbors to call for a “no shoot zone” around his house. He was probably trying to poison his neighbor’s dogs in revenge. Presumed innocent, of course, except for the crime of carrying the woefully underpowered 0.9mm.

        • I imagine you’d have to, if a guinea pig charged you. And be sure to use hardcast lead bullets; you need enough penetration to be sure you don’t get gotten. I hear those tusks are quite sharp.

          Pfffft…Bwahahaha

      • That’s silly, nobody eats a large dog for breakfast.

        It’s like having morning-sex or a big breakfast of waffles. After one or both of those, you’ve already achieved max potential goodness for the day. At that point you might as well just go back to bed and rest up for tomorrow.

  8. Charged with wearing a mask in public?
    Virginia is going suck this Halloween. All winter for that matter..
    I guess next time instead of a paper sack, he should wrap a flag around his head and do it for ole glory.. Come on guys.. Don’t make fun of his cute 9mm. His husband carries a .45
    ?

  9. Having been born and raised in Florida and now living in Virginia, I think the crazy is following me. Or maybe my essence just causes it? As for the mask, I found out it’s only illegal if you’re committing other crimes. But string him up for wasting good bacon!

    • Well, I wasn’t “Borne’d and Raise’d” in Flori-Duh, but after living here for years, we gots crazy down _cold_…

  11. Dude was up to no good. He wasn’t charged with a more serious crime(poisening a dog? Murder?) simply cause he was caught too soon.

    At the risk of being flamed to death, maybe the cops stopped a more serious crime from occurring?

    • There’s almost no doubt they did. Two things though:

      1) the phrase “suspicious bag of bacon” is just funny, regardless of context, and

      2) the .9mm craze just goes on and on. I guess people really like those small calibers. Personally, I’m waiting for somebody to say enough is enough, go completely the other way, and bring a .12 gauge into play. Or maybe take down a home invader with their 40mm Glock.

      • A 40mm glock will take out the home invader, the wall, three tractor-trailers, your neighbors house, and a jumbo jet taking off at the airport a couple miles away.

  12. “and a bag of bacon covered in an unknown oily substance”

    I wonder what oily substance a bag of bacon might be covered with? What a mystery!

  13. >Deputies found (Evan Patrick) Cater with a .9mm handgun
    >with a .9mm handgun
    >.9mm handgun

    So, a dart gun?

    • Still is in SC, 14 y/o was shot by a homeowner a few years ago wearing a Michael Meyers mask and clown suit week before Halloween. No charges white kid, non-white homeowner. We have an animal prisoner running our neighborhood, few friends cats have been poisoned with anti-freeze lately.

      .9 is underpowered shot a opossum that was chewing into my storage building Sunday night took 4 147gr8. JHP to keep it down 1st 2 head shots with laser

  15. This is the same guy that was shooting in his back yard, pissed off his neighbors, and caused a “no-shoot” zone in an Amherst County neighborhood that is now being voted on to extend to ALL of Amherst County.

    I feel like he should be in the running for IGOTD!

    • “I tried to get my ham baked in Virginia, but I was arrested for marijuana possession.”

      The weed is for getting *you* baked, not the ham, Vhyrus…

      Geeze.

      🙂

  17. I’m totally ignorant here … is there a ” 0.9mm “? Is that a ‘pedantic’ description of what I’ve been calling a ” 9mm”… or are you guys making fun of a typo?

    • Making fun of a very, very common typo that exposes ignorance of both firearms and the metric system simultaneously. The caliber is 9mm, and is common as dirt. On the other hand, .9mm is the width of a pencil lead. If you have even a modicum of knowledge in those topics, you’d know bullets are bigger than the tip of a pencil.

  20. Maybe he has discovered that bacon grease is every bit as good a gun cleaner as Wesson oil. He was testing it one last time to ensure it would clean small bores as well as it did standard calibers, hence the .9mm. The mask was so no one
    would discover his secret before he could cash in with his new line of BoarCleaner(tm) products.

    “BoarCleaner(tm). It’s a gun cleaner. No, it’s a tasty snack!”

    It’s two, two, two lubes in one! Never get hungry in the tree stand as long as have your gun cleaning kit.

  21. Where can I get one of those Glock fortay’s in .9mm?
    I hear they even come with a clipazine full of lead.
    Wonder if the “bullet button” can double as the eraser?

  22. I think others have said it already. Bacon is sometimes used by the smarter criminal to subdue dogs…or me if paired with an omelet. From my study, it sounds like it is rather effective despite what every dog owner claims their dog will do if given a pound of delicious bacon. Assuming the story is true, if I were the police, I would certainly suspect this guy of planning a burglary or robbery.

    • Reminds me, when I was in the Navy I heard about this guy who had a real small pecker. They used to call him “Needle Dick the Bug Fugger”

  24. From the news story:
    Cater was charged with trespassing, wearing a mask in public…

    Is “wearing a mask in public” really a crime in Virginia? What about in the winter, or if you’re a woman in a burka?

  25. This guy was also the cause of a no shooting ordinance in an area outside of Lynchburg. The dogs he was close to were the ones of the neighbor who pushed for the development of the no shooting zone. From what I’ve read/seen he is legitimately mentally unstable.

  29. Because nothing, I mean nothing, is scarier than waking up to the smell of bacon cooking and your wife is still in bed with you….

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