UK automotive programme (that’s how they spell it) Top Gear has three presenters. Jeremy Clarkson is TG’s Alpha. Clarkson’s booming bombastic voice, take-no-prisoners pronouncements and tortured metaphors are pure punk poetry. Richard Hammond (a.k.a., “The Hamster“) is Clarkson’s mild-mannered whipping boy, the straight man who evokes the spirit of Shemp Howard. James May (a.k.a., “Captain Slow”) is the Top Gear’s house toff. May’s intelligent insights are so laid back he’s in constant danger of falling over. I reckon Colion Noir fancies himself Jeremy Clarkson but is, in fact, increasingly, James May. May Noir find an appropriate alpha to elevate his work to the heights to which it so clearly aspires. Amen.

RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR

49 COMMENTS

  3. I dont really have an answer for the question, I just wish that Jeremy Clarkson and Piers Morgan would get together more often.

  4. I liked some of Colion’s videos, but over the past year, in my opinion, it seems like there are three different version of him.

    Reviewer Colion who’s voice seems too relaxed or “lazy” as you say. It doesn’t convey excitement for the product to me. Review voice is bad.

    NRA Colion who cannot act to the script, which he shouldn’t be even trying – it comes off disingenuous to me – very forced.

    Attitude Colion which is closer to some of his earlier videos, a bit too much peacocking, but he seemed interested in the product and audience. It felt a little forced at times, but not nearly as much as the other two.

  6. James May is one of the least black people ever made. 😉

    I’m not sure Colion is pedantic enough.

    Back in the day when I worked for an auto manufacturer, most of the folks there were Top Gear fans (who isn’t?) and I pretty much went by Jezza for a couple years haha. I even considered making that my TTAG nom de plume… Not sure what this has to do with anything.

    • Appropriate, as Jezza is basically slang English for Jeremy, or any multi syllable name with an r as the middle consonant and adding ‘zza, it’s basically the same as calling yourself Bob instead of Robert. It’s also generally slang not jus for peoples’ names, like a Ferrari is commonly referred to as a Fezza. I work with a handful of Brits and Aussies.

  7. Having watched all the seasons from the beginning (got to love haji videos), I enjoy Hammond the most, but respect May the most. Clarkson is as always the Brit version of the “ugly American”.

  8. Not to get too off topic but the charactarization of the three hosts is a bit of slight on Hamster. He is the only one who has crashed a rocket powered dragster at ~200mph. That makes him something of a badass in my book.

  9. Take it or leave it. At least Colion Noir is out there giving it an effort. Noir’s videos are informational. If the information you are looking for is not there, then move on. There are plenty of other reviewers out there.

  10. Serious question: does the submachine gun still have a place in the world? I know that for a while, combat doctrine was to use 9mm subguns for room clearing, but it seems that law enforcement and military the world over have moved away from that in favor of compact 5.56 rifles. Less over penetration, better terminal ballistics, and simplified supply chains. Are there still scenarios where submachine guns are better suited to the task than a similarly sized weapon chambered in a rifle round?

    • 5.56 is loud as hell. Even suppressed and especially if indoors, it’s freakin’ loud. Especially on a short barrel, as pressure decreases exponentially as the barrel length gets longer so a suppressor is working way harder on an 11″ bbl than a 16″ bbl and it’s actually quite a bit higher even at 14.5″ than 16″. Anyway, sub guns are quiet. They’re also usually smaller and lighter, as is the ammo and magazines. Now if you moved into some “boutique” calibers like an SBR AR-15 in subsonic .300 BLK then that would change the noise equation there. However, subsonic .300 BLK is basically a pistol round. If you’re going to shoot 220 grain at 1,050 fps you might as well shoot 230 grain .45 ACP at a very similar velocity from an SBR.

      That said, if I’m clearing rooms in a military environment and I have ear pro in my helmet and there’s a good chance the BGs have body armor of some sort, I want the 5.56. If I’m in more of a civilian police scenario I’d most likely prefer a suppressed pistol caliber (9mm or .45, subsonic either way) sub gun.

      • Benefit of the blackout is the ability to immediately change to supers with just a mag change. Scenario I remember hearinf about was something like raiding a drug cartel compound, subs to “neutralize” any guard dogs, and switch to supers for anyone who might be wearing soft body armor.

  13. Noir still has a show? I liked his youtube stuff but the NRA gig was just lame. Wish the guy the best but his style is best digested in small bites.

    • Because he likes him, and sees the potential, but sees him as not living up to it.

      (shrug) Just a guess.

    • RF….

      Remember when your father didn’t understand your music?
      Look in mirror….. you are not his intended demographic.
      And neither am I.
      Accept it and move on.

  15. Lol thats a really negative outlook. But If I had to say which TG presenter Mr. Noir is more akin to it, would be May. Noir isnt as ridiculous as Clarkson or as frantic like Hammond.

    I see Mr. Noir as calm, collected, and mostly reasonable(throw absent minded and OCD in the mix,then you will get May) .

    Noir’s latest videos are good, music and cinematography are great: artfully done and with an appropriate amount of drama. The sound on the voice overs can be done better, I’m hearing feedback everynow and then.

    Otherwise, I’m a fan and demand more videos. I hope you read this Mr. Noir.

  16. I love the NRA media vids that he does, but some of the reviews lately are a little too relaxed for me personally. The footage is always great, has good production value, I just miss the vids he used to do, such as the gun store personalities.

  18. Ok sorry to go off topic but is anybody else getting redirected to Google play ever time you come to this page I want to read the latest TTAG but the invasive ads and redirects are so annoying.

  19. Grrrr.

    I should know better than to EVER click on a Top Gear video — I can’t stop watching!

    There went my morning . . . . .

  20. Don’t get all the fuss over this guy. I guess the NRA has a lot of marketing money behind him. He is pretty unentertaining.

  21. “Is Colion Noir the James May of Guns?”

    Who is James May?

    And what is a toff?

    Sorry Mr. Farago. This article left me on the outside.

  22. Your article is bad and you should feel bad. All you’ve done is state an opinion about Mr. Noir without backing it up. In what way is he like James May? What has he done that is similar or representative of James May’s actions? Your failure to cement a reason for your opinion of Mr. Noir is the same as a child standing on top of a hill and shouting “I don’t like Green Beans!” Ultimately no one cares about what the child thinks because he is a child; if you write like one then no one will care about you either.

  23. I don’t know about the “James May” of guns.

    I don’t think he sounds like any of the Top Gear UK hosts.

    I think he has his own thing altogether.

  25. He’s the most dramatic gun reviewer………..IN THE WORLD!

    So, were does that leave Darren LaSorte? LaSorte seems more like James May, or is he The Stigs Texas cousin?

  27. Really disappointed to see Robert Fargo hammer on someone who is doing an excellent job of crossing so many boundaries to put a fresh new fresh face and perspective on firearms industry support and ownership. How about going after the people who are trying to take away our 2A rights, instead one of our own? You just lost serious points with me, Mr. Fargo.

  28. I like him more than I hate him. To me Noir is just OK. But this OFWG is not his intended target. I have no clue or interest in James May either. Props to the NRA for trying…

  29. No offense to Mr. May but I think Colion probably has better luck with the ladies. Then again I could be wrong. Mr. May does have some really good shows. Big Toy Stories and Man Lab fan right here.

  30. There is no way that Colion is the James May of guns. If anyone’s May, it’s Ian of Forgotten Weapons.

  31. He did get beat in his challenge by a guy twice his age with a pulled hammy. Guess that makes him Captain Slow…..that and he does have a synonym for everything, even when not required, just like May. Next question, why does he fondle every gun he reviews so much?

  35. I like Noir too. Always enjoyed his videos. When I’m trying to fall asleep though, I watch a Nutnfancy video.

  36. With all due respect to Mr. Noir, what demographic is he trying to reach when he whispers sweet nothings into the ?muzzle? of his weapons?

    He’s got a Barry White smooth voice, but I’d like him to save it for the ladies. Or, maybe that is his demographic, the ladies. Just thinking aloud.

  37. top gear is now the 3 stooges. it’s all about slapstick, little to nothing at all about cars.

    it ceased being about cars around 5 seasons back.

  38. Robert, you are a fanatic, which is border line insanity. You know how i know? because you say things like “anyone who is not like me is wrong”.

Comments are closed.