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To paraphrase the Talking Heads, Pinch Me Living’s talking a lot but she’s not saying anything. In fact, I’m writing this post as the South African life coach is prattling away in the background, mixing metaphors like Tom Cruise mixing drinks in Cocktail. Only now she’s dissing machine guns (3:13). Apparently if your energy’s like a machine gun you are “out of control, spiraling off your energy willy-nilly all over the place.” As opposed to a sniper’s rifle where the energy is focused. (She hasn’t said that yet but I know she will.) Here’s the thing: I’m like a machine gun. I find a target and throw as much lead at it as possible. Fourteen posts a day, every hour? Yeah, like that. Nick’s a sniper. Dan’s a Thompson gunner. What gun are you exactly? (I’m a full-auto SCAR-17.) You? [6:30 into the video and I’m done.]

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78 COMMENTS

  3. I’m just a big, hairy, American, winning machine… I mean, get up in the morning and piss excellence.

      • yeah, ‘cept Caddilac “made their own luck” with a bailout from taxpayers. it’s a lot easier to “make your own luck” with a little – no make that a huge, whopping – wad ‘o greenbacks from uncle sugar.

        great ad, though.

        • I was a General Motors man for nearly 50 years. When GM changed its name to “Government Motors,” I changed brands. My son figures the second coming is near because last September I bought a new Ford Taurus.

        • So you’ve never borrowed money before? And I heard(I may be wrong) that ford were the ones that proposed the bailout for all three. But it doesn’t matter to me I’ll buy what I like. If I was in the market for a car I would be getting a Subaru. But I’m looking for a truck and test drove all three diesels. I’m leaning towards the Chevy with the ram next, something about the ford didn’t feel right I could never get comfortable. So the ride and the deal I can get are what decide my truck.

  7. I’d compare myself to a revolver. A little old-fashioned but still good at what I do and very reliable.

  10. Side-by-side coach shotgun. I’m not very long, and I’m good for 2 shots, tops, then I’m useless for awhile.

    • Sounds like me, 30 years ago. Now it’s more like pistol length barrel, good for maybe a half a shot.

  11. Kentucky long rifle. A bit old and slow… but once loaded up only one way things are gonna go. Aftermath….. focused destruction and lots of smoke.

  17. M16, I know there are better but after using one for a year I’m kind of attached to them. Plus I never was good at long range..

  23. I’m a Glock 20. Fill your hand, you sonofabitch…

    No, seriously. I’m not anything in particular, just an average red-blooded American who happens to enjoy guns among other things…cars, motorcycles, so on.

    Tom

  24. I guess I’m kind of a CETME…. unpopular and not super reliable. But I’m also cheap and when I do hit I hit hard.

  26. I’m your worst nightmare…would you believe a “slightly scarry dream”? I would be the sniper rifle.

  28. In the right hands, a machine gun can deliver the surgical precision of a sniper rifle with the option for rapid fire.

    I’m thinking Carlos Hathcock with the M2 making mile long shots.

    So, why can’t I be both?

  32. I’m the cold, anonymous 750 grain solid bronze projectile that was set free from its tubular confinement, spiraling in complete obeyance to the path created by 36 inches of lands and grooves. Ahead of the ever increasing pressure cloud created by 210 grains of burning gunpowder.
    Slicing through the air, swirling in the humidity, creating a supersonic swirl of disturbance. Seen as a beautiful 12 foot arc through the pristine sky.
    To impact with over 6,000 foot pounds of energy at 2,000 feet per second.
    Creating a hole, where once, something had been.

    • Christ Tom,
      The way you describe it, maybe Stephan Spielburg should make a movie about you.

    • golly….your tounges prettier than a 20 dollar whore …(slim pickens from blazzing saddles)

  33. I am a Nike-Hercules. I might have a conventional warhead or I might have a Nuke. It depends on what I am working on.

  36. I’m an M2. You gonna call your Ma when I loose my Deuce!

    Although due to my bad eyesight I can’t shoot very far.

    So I’m a S&W Bodyguard .380. I will murder you!!! If I can get close enough.

  40. A machine gun on a Traversing and Elevation device is pretty damned focused and throws a ton of lead around.

  41. Dragunov, if I were to compare myself to a rifle.

    Cheap (pragmatic), fast (when I want to) and surprisingly accurate (read: lethal). And so long that it snags (both me and the rifle) on the doorframe if I dont pay attention.

  42. I’ll cop to being a Merkel drilling: two 12 ga. and a .30-06. Not quite sure what to make of it, somewhat resembling what you’re used to, except more and better, with panache and a flair for the dramatic.

    Hey, you asked.

  47. I’m a Springfield Armory M14. I’m old fashioned, misunderstood, but reliable and VERY powerful.

  51. Gotta be a Mosin Nagant. Cheap, old fashioned and nowhere close to “flashy”. A bit oversize by modern measures, but solidly made, proven in hard use, and “by God” dependable.

  52. I consider myself a 10-22.

    Cheap, reliable, you can dress me up if you want, but you’re okay that I’m a little small.

  53. I’m a Mk.43.

    Very controllable even in long bursts, harder-hitting than any Yankee Poodle Shooter, accurate to 1,200 yards, and I can pull an 800-round belt.

    Your move.

  55. I’m little rough and worn around the edges, not too pretty but utterly reliable and still packing a punch even after all those years. I guess Mosin.

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