http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBAHqWC42HU

If you don’t like waffling, skip to 4:20. That’s when itsAriJustAri confesses a love that dare not speak its name (in liberal enclaves). “I can’t even talk and breathe at the same time and explain how much I love Glock.” After her paean to “Jedediah,” itsAriJustAri moves on to roller blades. But not before filling us with hope and confidence that OFWGs (Old Fat White Guys) aren’t the once and future protectors of American gun rights. So . . . do you name your guns? Really?

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131 COMMENTS

  1. “Six men came to kill me one time. And the best of ’em carried this. It’s a Callahan full-bore auto-lock. Customized trigger, double cartridge thorough gauge. I call it Vera.”

    Never invested the cash in a rifle build to warrant naming it, though I’m sure one day I’ll have one. Having a service arm in my personal collection or one that actually saved my life might get a nickname sooner than others.

    • Agreed… I never understood “naming” inanimate objects, whether they’re guns, cars, boats, etc.

      One of my friends has a female name for every knife he owns.

      • To me, pride of ownership and maintenance makes it OK to name firearms. Nobody actually thinks that guns are people. I think naming them is just the way an active mind maintains respect of his most valuable possessions.

      • You have a problem with people naming boats? How so? Men have been naming their ships long before Jason named the Argo, and ships have been named ever since. The US Navy names all of its ships. And it doesn’t stop there. The air force names its planes. Many a tank has been named, and who can ever forget Big Bertha? Swords used to be named in the old days when each was a hand wrought masterpiece. Hey–It’s a tradition!

  3. I used to use the names of the Seven Dwarfs, but seven ain’t enough anymore, so now I use the Twelve Days of Christmas.

    (“You’ll have a holly jolly Christmas, and the criminal will have a silent night.” – Didi Snavely, “A Tuna Christmas”)

  5. High cost, high maintenance, and finicky expensive eaters… They all are named after woman I have known.

    • +1…all of mine are named after women for the same reason, with one exception: a Gamo Whisper (air gun) named Adrienne after my cousin’s husband. That one got its name because it’s hollow inside, underwhelming, and might as well be shooting blanks, just like him.

  6. All of my wife’s and are named to differentiate between them and allow for discussion in “polite” company. Hey we live in NY it’s about keeping your head down.

  10. My CZ 452-2E ZKM is named Svetlana, my dad’s customized urge rM77 .270 is named Old Black, and my Armalite M15 is named Gene. The other 30 or so have yet to earn names. Except for my beloved modified Springfield Range Officer and my new M1A scout. I just haven’t thought of any names for them yet.

    I’m open to suggestions for those two….

  11. My 30-06 with the pancake brake is my “boomstick”. The guys who shoot on either side of my bench would agree.

  12. In the Marine Corps we gave our weapons a girl’s name, therefore all of my firearms have a girl’s name.

  13. Usually don’t name things, but I do have a name for a tactical stock I made for an M14 with every scary feature on it I could manage to add (folding AND telescoping, rails, pistol grip, QD sling points, fore grip, bipod, flashlight, laser, painted black).

    I call it “Dianne”. It’s ugly as hell and will always start a debate on “military features” whenever it comes out.

    I also refer to my 3″ barrel .44 magnum S&W that I use with light loads for action revolver shooting as “the shorty-four” to disambiguate it from my others ones.

  14. My 12ga is The Black Angel of Death, my AR is The Righteous F*cking Hand of God. I have a thing for crappy names, and immodesty. My next dog’s (or child’s) name will be a verb, just to confuse everyone.

  16. I named the first AR I built because it has enough sentimental value to warrant a unique name. I named several antique shotguns I inherited because they have personality that distinguished them. The majority of my firearms are just called by what they are (“the Sig”, “the Kimber”, “the LCP”) until there’s a reason to christen it.

  18. I only name vehicles. My Toyota truck is Jake, My new Subaru is Jackie O’ and my MV Agusta F4S is Fiona (she’s Italian).

    If I had a firearm that ever saved my life, it might get named (something in the Viking tradition of naming good weapons, I’m sure)

  20. My .357 is named J.E.D. (Jesus Educational Device) because if you see it, just smile, wait for the flash, and you will get a personal introduction to my Lord and Savior

    haven’t bothered to name any others yet although, I am thinking of naming my S&W 4506 “Shannon Watts” (it has a big mouth (bore) and a long neck (barrel length).

  22. We OFWG’s were the protectors of liberty for a while. But we took enough time to breed and teach our spawn to carry on the fight. Does that mean we OFWG’s are also part of the future protection of liberty here? Even after we’re gone?

    As for naming a gun. You ought to hear what I call one that ain’t acting right.

    • Yep. As long as we leave our weapons to those willing and able to use them to fight for what is right.

  23. I had a Mini-14 with a folding stock and barrel shroud I named Marlene. I still have a Remington 870 named Sister Ray.

  25. My 39A Golden Mountie is similar to her Henry. I am only bitching about something here because of a safety issue. At 2:50 she full cocks the hammer and says “this is your safety”. I hope she accidentally went past the first click of half-cock and not actually believes that it is safe with the hammer in the demonstrated position.
    For the newbies because most on this site know this, but a lever action hammer resting on the firing pin with a live round chambered can, if struck with enough force can drive the pin to the primer.
    The half-cock lifts the hammer off the pin.
    Same reason the old cowboys with out a half-cock safety revolver rode with the hammer on an empty chamber.

  26. Inherited my father-in-law’s 870 we call “The Beast” due to its monster barrel and rough shape. My Mosin Nagant is “Bam Bam.” Definite +1 on the Firefly shout-out!

  27. I don’t name my guns, but my Kawa ZX9R’s name is Traveller, after Robert E. Lee’s horse (all of my previous bikes had the same name). My wife named her car Teddy since it is a VW TDI.

  30. I have a few that have earned names…

    The Abomination, as seen in the pictures thread of TTAG forum for obvious reasons.

    A Mauser called Martha that was painted a green color only Martha Stewart would have picked out.

    And

    The B!tch, a long barreled single shot 12 ga. with a buttplate so hard and narrow it hurts like a B!tch when you shoot it.

  31. I own quite a few, but I’ve only named one. And, more’s the pity, the Army took her back when I ETSed. I miss you, baby. If anyone runs across M-24 #C6349047, you take good care of her.

  32. No, I have never assigned any names to any of my firearms … all of which I recently lost in a tragic boating accident.

    • yup, in the desert no less. Never seen quicksand swallow up and boat and trailer so fast before in my life!

  33. I call my M1911A1 “The Colonel” since it was my father’s during his long career in the Marine Corps.

    All the others are mine and don’t have the heritage.

  34. A Desert Eagle that I call Big Pun.
    A Derringer two-shot that I call Tupac.
    A Tec-9 that I call T-Pain
    A .38 snub that I call Lil’ Wayne.
    A Baby Eagle 9 that I call Peter Pan (He’ll never grow up).
    A Rem 870 that I call Kelly Price (she’s a big girl).

  35. Here’s a few suggested names for firearms:

    Diane (Feinstein)
    Nancy (Pelosi)
    Hillary (Clinton)
    Debbie (Wasserman-Shultzy)

    • My first AR-15 was a Colt that I named “Diana” named after Diane Feinstein as she was the one that inspired me to go out and buy the gun. “Diana” is long gone now but she was a great gun. In my collection my DD rifle is my “go-2-gun” and I call her “Libbie”. I don’t think we will ever part ways.

      My daughter named her Crickett rifle “Sara”

      I was going to name my FNX-45 Tac “Rosie” because she is a BFG but the name I am not sure will stick

      None of my other guns have names at this time until they grow on me more.

  36. No. I own low maintenance firearms so I don’t have to cuddle them and call them by pet names. I also don’t carry a purse or shave my legs.

  37. Big Mac
    Betsy
    Boomer
    Skunker
    Ohyou
    Smitty
    Benito
    and after an incident during a recent hunt, “F**ker”. Cause it was during a “This F**ker is jammed” moment.

  38. “Bianca” is the name I gave my AR-15, I named my .40 cal Sig P226 “Doctor”, and my wife named her Ruger LC9 “Dalek”, and her 9mm Sig P6 “Syn”. I have quite a few other guns that we haven’t named yet, but we don’t just give them names as soon as we get them, we have to have a name that speaks to us for each gun before we do it.

  39. Names are earned, and given only to guns with character and defining qualities. Good or Bad…. A few had names, most do not.

  40. Ar15 is called Baskervill
    Ruger GP161 is called Oso (Oh-so)

    Take enough pride in something, it at least deserves a nickname.

  41. I’ve never felt close enough to one of my guns to name it. I want to, but none have shown me that they deserve a name. I just cannot find myself fond enough of any in my collection to warrant it. Maybe if I only had one or two I would.

  42. Since my cat has never been called by a name, he is just “the cat”
    Same reasoning for the guns because they never come when called either,
    the XD is just “the XD”, I only have one, so the AR is “The AR” etc.
    OK, the full size M&P 9 is called “The Full” to distinguish it from
    “The Shield” which came with that name from the adoption agency.

  43. My CZ 75BD goes by Frank, in honor of my wife’s Czech grandfather. He was an engineer and WW II vet. I think he would appreciate the name.

  44. Sure; Not often, but there are times when an object I own just calls out to have it’s own name; I drove a white ’71 Datsun P.U for years when I was younger and it’s name was White Lightning.

    The same with my gun collection; my favorite carry pistol, a Kimber custom classic .45 acp with a .460 Rowland conversion is named Bear Claw.

    I appreciate the woman’s passion and honesty; we all could use more of that in our lives ; especially about the second amendment.

  45. I have 2 I named my kimber crimson carry Kimberly and like most red heads she is beautiful and dangerous and my M&P 9mm is named Betty.

    +1000 excellent firefly reference.

  46. On deployments we would name our guns, not cause of a connection or anything fruity like that. We’d name our guns because f*nger b*anging them after patrols reminded us of the comforts of home. But I never thought to name my personal firearms, they are tools of self defense. I don’t name my wrenches and screwdrivers either.

  48. I had car once named Jezebel. “…when she was good, she was very very good, and when she was bad she was horrid.” That was years ago, and I haven’t named anything since except my dogs and my children. No wait–not quite right. When the kids still lived at home, I called my wallet “the Black Hole” ; I’d put money in it and it would just disappear, leaving nothing but….

  50. I don’t name my guns, but four letter word usage is guaranteed when they don’t work properly.

  51. Like all other things in life my firearms must earn their name, so far ‘Gawd Darn$%^&*!’ seems to be quite popular

  53. My Mosin-Nagant is Ivan and my Winchester1892 is Clem but nothing in the safe made after 1950 is old enough to have a name. PS -love the Jayne reference

  55. My Winchester Model 70 is referred to as, “The big gun.” I call my Colt Woodsman “The Pony,” and my AR is still too new for a name, but I’m leaning towards “Ping” because I like shooting steel with it.

  58. My Rock Island 1911 is named Molly, which was what I wanted to name one of my twin daughters, but the wife wouldn’t go for it.
    My AR is named Medusa which means protector in Greek. I thought that was fitting.
    I never named my duty pistol or backup though.

  59. A Garand named Big Dog, and an 870 named Franken-gun for being put together with a crudely shortened stock to get the length of pull right. The rest are cherished and loved too, but without given names.

  60. Suggestion for sequel to this post: “Naming Your Kids After Guns (And Don’t Tell Me You Haven’t Thought About It).”

    • I have known people to name their pets after guns: a dog named Uzi and a cat named AK (though after the cat owner got married, the name “George” got hung on the cat).

      • My next door neighbor has three dogs named Smith, Wesson and Bernelli.

        And I thought I was into guns…

  62. Had a jeep cherokee named REX…
    Ford fuision named RAY (bonus points for those who get the reference)

    and an arsenal sgl 31 named Katarina.
    SADLY, i have yet to think of a fitting name for my mosin and my XD 45…..

  63. well the no4 mk1 enfield id named Matilda my mosin is Katyusha and the 10/22 is named betty (after betty page)

  64. I don’t believe in naming cars/guns/boats except and until they become something unique and more than just a tool or means of conveyance. I would not have named my car, except I had it so long and had such experiences with it, that it is no longer just another Buick. It has its own character.

    Likewise, our old family boat had a name, it was iconic and even recognized by that name by others at the lake. But my uncle’s new boat? Not worthy of a name at this time. It hasn’t become unique through history and age.

    Consequently, I have only named two guns. An old Cold .38 Army Special, made in 1922, that I call Jo Ann (after my Great Aunt who kept it in her bedroom for defense…former Marine, MCWR, she was a tough old lady). And a tiny baby Browning clone, .25 cal, which I call Baby Pimp because of the faux pearl grips.

  65. I named two of my S&W 500’s Fat Man and Little Boy after the atomic bombs, and the third came with a name THE BONE COLLECTOR.

  67. My LMT MWS.

    Anduril. The flame of the west. Not because I think I am a king (pfff), but because I look at it as a great example of what western civilization is capable of.

  68. The only rifle I have named is my AR15. I named it “Diane” after the famous Senator from California. 4 of my pistols that I carry have names: God = 7.5″ .44 mag; Moses = Glock 20; Jesus = 1911 .45; Baby Jesus = P238. I call the G20 Moses because it party a mob of gang bangers blocking a street near work like Moses parting the Red Sea. The others because only God and Jesus can help a thug shot with those.

  71. I’ve got a Henry Big Boy .44 magnum named Cancer Killer. I bought it to celebrate when the doc said that my PSA was undetectable following surgery and radiation. That was sort of a hard fight but right now I’m winning.

    • Now that’s my kind of positive thinking. Nothing (apart from my family) would help my willpower more in fighting cancer than buying a new gun and naming it Cancer Killer.

  76. My guns have no names.

    They don’t need any names.

    When it comes time for them to speak, it doesn’t matter the tongue that my adversary is born to: they will listen. Or die.

  79. In honor of their historic greatness, mine are:
    1943 British Enfield No.4 Mk 1, from Fazakerly, England, in Walnut;
    1901 Imperial Czar M91; Mosin-Nagant 91/30 Three line Rifles, refurbed with Tula parts;
    ’27 & ’39; Mosin-Nagant 91/30 Three Line Rifles, refurbed with Izhevsk parts,
    ’43 (2 of ’em!) , and, our collection of shooting arms is always growing!

    But, we don’t name them, until after they have done a good deed in our name…
    Names pending: The 2A Enforcer; The Protector; Hog Hunter; Family Protector!

    All military arms have bayhonets mounted, because the House Rule is that perps.
    get TWO HOLES! Just as Uncle Sam trained!

  80. Handgun – Rofl (because Rofl XD)
    Shotgun – Win (winchester SXP)
    10/22 – Rouge
    Mosin – Katya
    SKS – Political Power (bc it’s a Norinco, so named it after the Mao Zedong quote “political power comes from the barrel of a gun”)

    Carry gun will either be Elsie or Evita. +10 if you can guess what gun goes with each.

  81. SWMBO keeps naming things. Her car is Sparky, mine is Truman. Her .243 is Frank, because the Choate stock on it is green like Frankenstein. Her Ruger Charger is “The 22 Short Rifle”. The AR is the “M4gery”. The FS2000 is “The Assault Tuna”.

    She’s insisting that I name my long range rifle, so I decided to do it before she comes up with something like “Sparkles”. I think we’ve settled on “The Hater” (its an HS Precision HTR => H8TR)

    Mostly, the names are just to help her keep it all straight in her head so when I ask “What do you want to take to the range?” she can rattle off the names and I can pack the car properly.

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