From the onion.com

The National Rifle Association is holding its 142nd annual meeting in downtown Houston this weekend. Here are the scheduled events:

FRIDAY, May 3

  • 12 p.m.: Welcoming introduction video from President Obama
  • 12:30 p.m.: Security forced to hold back squealing teenage girls in attendance as Wayne LaPierre takes stage
  • 12:35 p.m.: Quick joke about how everyone in attendance must have passed a background check to warm up the crowd
  • 1 p.m.: Most unconscionable words you could ever imagine met with enthusiastic cheers from thousands of people
  • 3 p.m.: Remembrance of the victims of Sandy Hook with an extended moment of loud, scrambling excuse-making
  • 6 p.m.: Reasoned, level-headed debate on whether the Second Amendment continues to hold relevance.

SATURDAY, May 4

  • 11:40 a.m.: Man whose face and name will someday be plastered across news websites and televisions across the nation approaches convention registration table
  • 12 p.m.: Performance of “God Bless America” using guns with variously pitched discharges
  • 4 p.m.: The 46 senators who voted against last month’s defeated gun control bill collect their winnings
  • 5 p.m.: One-hour triage break to treat afternoon gun wounds
  • 6:30 p.m.: Beaten, tied-up gun control advocates Joe Manchin (D-WV) and Pat Toomey (R-PA) lowered from roof into ravenous audience
  • 8 p.m.: NRA/anti-NRA protest groups mixer

SUNDAY, May 5

  • 10 a.m.: Psychological counseling booths open to let gun enthusiasts talk out their deep-seated emotional problems
  • 11 a.m.: Kids Korner workshop featuring popular Decorate Your Own Human Silhouette Target station
  • 12 p.m.: Crowd treated to free T-shirts fired from fully automatic T-shirt cannon with high-capacity magazine
  • 1 p.m.: Intensive five-hour town hall discussion on mental health reform
  • 6:30 p.m.: Man who threatened to murder the President of the United States gives rousing speech to attendees
  • 7 p.m.: Attendees leave convention knowing they have done their duty to protect the freedom of the American people

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67 COMMENTS

  2. NO not funny at all, although the screaming teens for Wayne gave me a small chuckle.

    • The line about WLP groupies was hilarious, but it went downhill fast after that.

  3. No, but I wouldn’t mind seeing that fully automatic high capacity t-shirt gun at future events.

  4. I have difficulty determining if this is humor; a lot of it sounds plausible, if weirdly phrased.

    To wit:

    Disturbed teen runs away from home just ahead of the law, kills by blunt force trauma the first person she meets and then teams up with strangers to kill again…

    I just “described” the Wizard of Oz.

    What are you describing…?

  5. It is in pretty poor taste. All it takes is an idiot to broadcast this and pretend there’s ANY relevance to what actually goes on in the NRA Convention as even slightly true to be a real debacle. Jokes and hilarity…the level at which this rests, is inappropriate.

    • I reached my limit of ridicule during the 2012 election cycle (white, male, heterosexual, Christian, employed, etc., who has no interest in dictating the lives of others). I am way past my limit of ridicule since Newtown (gun owner, who still has no interest in dictating the lives of others). The ridiculers can go pi$$ up a rope at this point.

  6. A simple “thank you to the 2nd amendment for protecting our 1st amendment right to say stupid $hit on the internet” would have been better.

  7. “Reasoned, level-headed debate on whether the Second Amendment continues to hold relevance.” – Like the one that’s been led by Uncle Joe, Uncle Bo and their media lapdogs?

  9. meh. It’s the Onion.

    NRA should respond by inducting the Onion editors and BOD into honorary membership for “meaningful contributions to constitutional freedoms”

  10. “Intensive five-hour town hall discussion on mental health reform” – Like the one that’s been led by Uncle Joe, Uncle Bo and their media lapdogs?

  11. “Attendees leave convention knowing they have done their duty to protect the freedom of the American people” – Like those guys returning from the middle east short a limb or brain lobe? (what, too soon?)

  13. Sunday at 8 oclock everywhere, bradys/grabbers/onion heads congradulating themselves on what a splendid choice they made allowing criminals to slaughter them unapposed, how do they do it,lol, Randy

  14. Some of these could be viewed as good fun, but the Sandy Hook barb and the suggestion that an NRA member will be responsible for a future mass shooting were in poor taste.

    South Park, believe it or not, used to offer much more creative satire and was an equal opportunity roaster, parodying both sides on an issue. I don’t read the Onion so I don’t know if they poke fun at gun control, but I’m guessing they’re a bunch of lefties who drive on a one-way street.

    • You would guess mostly correctly. Much like Jon Stewart they take the occasional softball jab at their own side before launching into their usual leftist hysterics.

      Though some of them (the comment about the screaming teenagers after Wayne LaPierre for one) were kinda funny. Ish.

  15. It started out humorous, but then degraded to “herp derp, lets include every stereotype just to be edgy. Brilliant!”

  16. It’s hard to determine whether the satire is about the NRA convention or what the anti-gun THINKS about the NRA convention. If you read it under the guise of option 2, it makes you chuckle. Unfortunately, I can’t in any way believe that option 2 was the intention, which sucks, because I usually find the Onion entertaining… I understand comedy poking fun at politics, but I think once the comedy takes a side, it loses it’s validity.

  17. It’s satire. (shrug)

    Much like South Park, the Onion pretty much rips on everyone.

    I think it just highlights how ridiculous “the other side” is.

  18. It’s just the Onion. As everybody knows, once onions go bad, they go bad very fast.

    • I used to like the Onion when I went to UW-Madison. The Onion, which was in heavy circulation over there, once had an article about the usefulness of solving problems with violence. Very funny, and somewhat informative. It might have even made TTAG’s self defense tips. They’ve subsequently gone well past 3/4 retard.

      On an unrelated note Ironman 3 didn’t feature classic rock and also sucked. I get the impression that it had a statist influnce. Occasionally, libtards can be riotously funny. Bill Maher once said that Republicans compare government to Snooky’s v@gina: it’s too big, it services too many people, and nothing that’s any good will ever come out of it. Now that’s funny.

  19. At least they have more journalistic integrity than the Huffington Post on this issue.

  20. The onion is usually pretty funny, but this is just a phoned in partisan hackjob. although I would love to have a fully automatic T-shirt cannon with a standard capacity magazine

  21. Who cares? Ever since The Onion put their semi-funny dreck behind a paywall, I’ve been hoping they would all die in a fire.

  23. Definitely funny. The Onion is all about bullshit, exaggeration, and hyperbole. What’s funny is this bullshit exaggeration and hyperbole from the onion is something the antis believe or think happens at an nra convention.

  24. Anyone who reads the Onion occasionally will know the rip everyone…there are no sacred cows to them. That being said, they are a left leaning media outlet. Take it for what its worth…which is nothing.

  25. Sometimes The Onion is funny, others it’s just absurd. Liked it when they announced Obamas first inauguration as “Black Man gets Worst Job in the World.” Tried to read it regularly after that but they seem to treat each issue with a single formula, and just couldn’t find much talent in their writing.

  26. What? No snarky comment about small genitalia?

    Seems like this joke is incomplete. That’s just damn lazy.

  28. “12 p.m.: Performance of “God Bless America” using guns with variously pitched discharges”

    Someone who reads this site can probably make this reality. Please do so ASAP and provide us with the YouTube link! To the person that makes this happen, thank you in advance.

    • Yup, sure is funny how our desire to preserve our Constitutionally-protected rights is “unconscionable” and how we’re all careless lunatics primed to commit the next mass shooting.

      Ha ha! Oh, I’m sorry, I was just thinking of how funny that is again. Ha ha ha!

      Yeah, the Onion strikes me as the printed version of those snarky, coffeehouse-dwelling little pricks who make a bunch of sneering, disdainful comments about things they don’t understand in the hopes you’ll take them at face value, but then they’ll pretend it’s all just “ironic” when someone calls them on it. That said, the printed version wins out by default for me, since I can at least wipe my ass with that one when it fails to be funny.

  32. Eh. Intelligent satire will make even the target smile. This is largely lazy phoning it in.

  33. First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, and then you win.
    Mohandas Gandhi

  35. Sadly, I find it hard to enjoy The Onion anymore. I used to like it, but ever since Sandy Hook they’ve just been ridiculing the pro-gun side. There is plenty of room to parody the anti-gun side (like the apalling lack of knowledge from the so-called regulators of guns, or Joe Biden’s hilarious home defense advice) but they seem to have taken a definite side in this issue. They seem to have gone beyond parody with the gun issue.

    Maybe I’m just getting my jimmies rustled over nothing… But I read humor sites when I want to laugh and have fun, and having my personal convictions ridiculed is not my idea of fun.

    PS: If they have released any stories that ridicule the anti-gun side of things, please link me to them… I haven’t seen any. I used to read them on my phone on break at work just about every day and I never saw a single one. Possible that I missed it though..

    • I’m sure there are plenty of articles ridiculing the anti-gun side. After all, the progressives are the ones who are righteously tolerant, fair, and only want a rational “open discussion” on political issues…right?

  36. One should know by now that leftists use “humor” as an excuse to vent their childish rage and inability to cope with their inner violence.

    One need only look at any left-leaning comedian. They don’t want to make people laugh. They want to spew their stupid opinions behind the shield of “comedy” so they don’t face counterpoints or consequences.

    Personally, I don’t care. They can voice their idiocy all they want behind the protection of free speech that guns, gun-owners, and patriots earned for them. Anyone who would listen to them or be swayed by this is too stupid to avoid becoming a leftist anyway.

    I wonder what the opinion of the author is regarding the fact that Obama has, by himself, killed more American citizens than everyone at the NRA convention combined ever will? Or the fact that every single mass shooter/bomber in the past two generations has been a leftist.

  37. The only think missing was mention of a clown, I mean Bloomberg dunking booth!

  38. “11 a.m.: Kids Korner workshop featuring popular Decorate Your Own Human Silhouette Target station”

    Does this include pasting on pictures of Obama, Biden, Feinstein, and Company?

  41. Compared to the Onion’s usual high standards, this is lame crap. Somebody just phoned it in. Although I have to say some of their events do sound interesting…

  45. I don’t always write for the Onion.
    But when I do, I write jokes about dead children.

    Stay liberal, my friends.

  46. Well it depends. The onion article about Obama “being paranoid the government will come for his guns” was funny…

    I mean this isn’t the worst taste they did, they had an article a couple weeks ago about Tsarnaev posting bail…

  47. I despise satire. If you have something to say, say it. Don’t hide behind humor. On a side note, I want that full-auto shirt cannon.

  48. It’s TheOnion… some stuff is funny, some is not.

    But I’ll chime in and also say that a full-auto, high-capacity t-shirt cannon gun? That’s a fortune waiting to happen!

  49. I liked the “screaming teenage girls” part. The rest was not up to what I’ve come to expect from The Onion.

  51. Yeah, like most of the Onion’s stuff, some made me laugh, some didn’t. Maybe a little mean-spirited in parts, but let’s be honest, if you’re going to join the NRA, you should probably have a little thicker than average skin. That’s one thing I do like about LaPierre- he’s not well liked by the media or the pundits, and he could give a tin shit less.

  52. Hilarious: “Security forced to hold back squealing teenage girls in attendance as Wayne LaPierre takes stage”

  53. I have begun using a new term: “watermeloning” to describe this kind of thing. It’s where you engage in using the most absolutely bigoted, stereotypical language to describe someone.

  54. I’m a little sensitive about my 2A rights currently, so I wasn’t amused. However, a few weeks ago, The Onion claimed the N. Korean dictator Kim Small Dong (or whatever his name is) to be the “Sexiest Man Alive”. The N. Korean press ran with it, not realizing it was satire.
    Now that’s funny!

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