“In the future, your gun will talk to you — and it’ll be kind of an asshole.” – Rob Bricken in Talking guns, cars with wings and living A/Cs? Welcome to Ballistic [at io9.com]

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20 COMMENTS

  1. If my guns talked to me, they’d probably be saying “Shoot us!!!!” “Why don’t you shoot us as much as you used to? 🙁 damn ammo shortage

    • My guns would be saying “Fire us”. Shooting them would be dangerous, all those ricochets 🙂

  2. Let’s keep talking guns in the cartoons, couldn’t stand to be laughed at by my own gun if I missed.

  5. I’m reminded of Phil Foglio’s “Buck Godot” comic, in which a character (The Pistol Packin’ Polaris Packrat) has two talking laser pistols, “Smith”, and “Wesson”….

  7. Likely too nerdy for most here, but in the old game “Baldur’s Gate II” there was a secret talking sword called Lilarcor that would chide you relentlessly in the voice of an obnoxious frat boyish voice if you weren’t killing or hacking at people with it.

    . . . Let me tell you, after an hour of hearing that, I can say talking guns are a bad idea.

    • Borderlands 2 has talking guns. One of them nags you constantly about being a terrible person (when you reload, it screaches, “AT LEAST YOU AREN’T KILLING PEOPLE FOR A WHILE”). Another loves when you shoot (“RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT”).

      Funny, but definitely grate after awhile.

      • Yup, I remember those, they were pretty funny but most of them have crappy stats anyways so I just switched to something else before I got tired of listening to them.

      • Blue Oyster Cult
        Black Blade

        I’ve got this feeling my luck is none too good.
        This sword here at my side don’t act the way it should.
        Keeps calling me its master, I feel like its slave.
        Hurling me faster and faster, to an early early grave.

        etc. etc. ad nauseum

  8. Talking guns? No way. If I want a steely little loudmouth to break my b@lls, I’ll get married.

  9. Talking guns eh? Jeez, I hope not. Are any of my guns girls and will they talk? I really hope not.

  10. NY rapper Nas already wrote a rap about a talking gun in 1996 called “I Gave You Power” where he aptly observed that the life of being an object that is used by everyone sucks.

    http://rapgenius.com/Nas-i-gave-you-power-lyrics

    Yeah, I bet if guns could talk, they’d be pretty damn grouchy. Or yeah, a-holes.

    WHAT’S UP WITH THIS CHEAP AMMO?
    STOP CLEANING ME AGAIN!
    HOW COME YOU NEVER TAKE ME OUT ANYMORE?
    GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WOOD… GRIPS.

  11. Mine would taunt me constantly.
    “You call that a group?” “My grandma could shoot better than that, and I don’t even HAVE a grandma!” “Aim for the CENTER of the target, Hawkeye!” “William Tell you ain’t.” “How bout you sell me to someone who KNOWS WHAT THE HELL THEY’RE DOING?”

  12. “Butch’s GUN is a very powerful, but clearly psychotic, living weapon — it can talk, make decisions, and move on its own. It’s addicted to a number of illicit substances, including Butch’s adrenalin. The Gun is full of bad ideas.”

    Hmmmmm. I wonder what the author’s views are on guns In Real Life?

  13. Having a S&W model 29 that could rattle off Dirty Harry
    quips would make it all worth it.

  14. It wouldnt be too bad, They could have different personalities.

    Glock = Street smart ghetto person(talks in slang and things like that)

    AK = Drunken russian stereotype motivating its user for the glory of Motherland

    AR = wannabe operator/mall ninja

    M1A and Garand = Drill sergeant

    SMLE = stereotypical english accent and wording ( I.E :”Lets have at it old chap!”)

    S&W = would make Dirty Harry quips,puns and speeches

    Anything belt fed = Typical grunt who shouts: ” Get some! Get some!” while firing

    Any expensive bolt action sniper rifle = cold English accent

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