“Since I’m not particularly concerned about the National Rifle Association ruining my political career, I’ll be the one to say it: If you own multiple guns or feel the need to possess a military-style assault weapon, it’s because you have a small penis. Let me clarify that statement a little, if I may. Owning a handgun to protect your home and your family is fine. Owning a rifle or shotgun for hunting or target shooting is also fine. But owning lots of guns or pseudo-machine guns means you have a tiny wiener and you’re incredibly self-conscious about it. That’s the plain and simple truth, even if it’s not true.” Todd Hartley, I’m With Stupid; The longer the weapon, the shorter the tool [via aspentimes.com]

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102 COMMENTS

  1. The KEY phrase for Liberals:

    “…That’s the plain and simple truth, even if it’s not true…”

    Liberals have no time for truth, its too exhausting a pursuit. They operate on phony emotion, winding up their followers with nonsense “feel-good” crapola because they know their followers are also too lazy for the truth.

    • Wow! just wow. That pretty much sums it up. The truth does not matter they want what they want regardless of truth, facts or logic.

    • Reminiscent of the whole Dan Rather “Fake but Accurate” story. The “truth” doesn’t have to be either true or accurate, it only has to be what “Should Be” as determined by The Left.

    • I’m surprised he didn’t just throw around that synonym for homosexual men that begins with the letter “f” — it sounds like it would be representative of his level of education.

    • Didn’t Ronald Reagan say”It’s not that our liberal friends are stupid, it’s just that they know so many things that aren’t true!”?
      This guy.

    • In Mr. Hartley’s “Aspine” article titled (I’m With Stupid), instead of “I’m With Stupid”, perhaps it should be re-titled “I am”.

  2. There is a psychological concept called “projection”. Ironically, in this particular example that term could be misunderstood because he is projecting unto us about his lack of a projection.

    • That must be the reason that I own a small .22lr rifle and drive a 1.4lt Hyundai Getz… According to this gentleman (and I use the term loosely) I must be incredibility well hung!

  3. Fortunately, RF provided a “head shot” illustrating Mr. Hartley’s uniquely penile-emulating cranial structure.

  4. Ha ha!

    If you have a big truck, a big boat, big rims, give big diamonds, big guns, big muscles…than you must MUST be compensating!

    Nah, some of us in this world just like cool shit.

  5. Keeping with the high level of discourse: Oh yeah, well you’re a poopy face!

    This approach is supposed to make gun owners want to sell off their collections lest they be perceived diminutive in the genital region?

    It didnt work in the second grade and it wont work now.

    On the bright side the gun banners are apparently in a rapidly decaying orbit to be dragging out nonsense like this.

  6. So who is this moron? He knows absolutely nothing about firearms and makes dumb comments like pseudo machine gun, which I have no clue what that is supposed to mean.

  7. Be warned people: many gun control proponents make almost identical statements and in the same breath demand that the entire populace submit to their ideals.

    Such people have the emotional maturity of 6 year old children and I will not submit to their ideals. Period.

    I implore everyone to push back with everything they can muster. We cannot let people like this make the rules in our country.

  10. I like the way Massad Ayoob put it:

    IF GUNS WERE PHALLIC SYMBOLS, NONE OF US GUYS WOULD EVER HAVE BOUGHT ONE WITH A TWO-INCH BARREL!

  11. A while ago rifles were fine but pistols were bad. Now pistols are good? The attacks will keep coming. They will change the focus to whatever is convenient for their agenda. If they get a victory on rifles they will resume their assault on pistols.

    Never give in on any point because they won’t stop with any compromise. They are evil and they want to be freer to enslave you.

  12. “Since I’m not particularly concerned about the National Rifle Association ruining my political career . . .”
    That’s because people on the right don’t ruin political careers. Only liberals do that, along with their personal & professional lives, and only to conservatives.

  13. Hmmmm..

    This asshat’s elevator definitely doesn’t go all the up to the top floor.

    My wife has more firearms than me..

    So how does his “reasoning” apply to her?

  14. Personally, I say we ask his wife. Let’s line up and let her be the judge. Of course, she may decide she likes the role of judge . . . .

  16. People who say other people are compensating for small penises are compensating for a lack of a rational argument.

  17. Well gosh, just like the member that called me “she” I had to run to the mirror & check. Reminds me of Mick Jaggers words about the guy that can’t be a man because he doesn’t smoke the same cigarettes as me, Randy

  19. Hell he is just mad because the last time he tried to have sex with his wife she had him arrested for “Assault With A Dead Weapon”!!!!
    She told me that last night!!!
    She seemed really really Happy that my Assault Weapon could fire multiple rounds!!!

    • Maybe thats what the bradys mean by “no weapons beyond this point”? Who knew? & I never dreamed that feinswine was going after my assault crank. Just goes to show you, let your guard down for one second & the libs go after your 16″ er, Randy

  20. How predictable. How tiresome. How absolutely juvenile. Really gun control pipples? A dick joke, and a bad one at that? That’s what you’ve got? Lads, this is why we win, because we have educated ourselves for the debate. Apparently, they’ve been busy learning schoolyard insults (I assume it took long and arduous study). It’s pathetic, and anyone not a complete partisan can see that. Even my pro-control friends recoil a bit when faced with Morgan- or Gregory-style hypocrisy and insipid bluster. They are ruining their own case (thin though it was).

    Mr. Hartley, you assert I have a small penis. Very well, let us stipulate for the sake of argument. You basically argue that people own the sort of guns I do to compensate for an innate genetic phenotype. Kind of like……affirmative action? Or am I taking this clown entirely too seriously? I need coffee.

  21. If this guy can’t come up with a better argument than 12 year-old bathroom humor, he doesn’t need to worry about the NRA (or any other group) ruining his “political career” because he’s perfectly capable of doing it himself. “My opponent is a dooty-head!”…yeah…that’ll get him votes.

  22. Not trying to judge his personal preference, but I’m a bit uncomfortable that another man is so concerned about the size of my privates.

    That’s the plain and simple truth, even if it’s not true.

  23. As a woman, I do not have a penis, large or small. But I do own a number of pistols, revolvers and shot guns. A lot of my girlfriends also own multiple weapons.
    We have weapons for the same reason guys have them. Self defense, hunting and recreation. Especially self defense aspect, given the disparity between size and strength between the two genders.

    So alleging that guns are all about a sexual appendage is beyond stupid. And the guy who wrote this no doubt not only has a small johnson but a tiny little brain

  24. Oh crap, then I must be really small because my guns ARE really big. Being married I know which I get to use the most. Hint: I buy a lot of ammo.

    I do love my guns, oh and my wife.

  25. that ol’ Todd here is a stand-up comedian.

    Wonder if anyone’s up for a night out with dinner, a comedy show, and a little heckling in the Denver area?

    Maybe shouting “Small Penis!” at opportune moments during the act?

    Or, you could book him for your own event!

    http://todd-hartley.com/contact-2/

    Must not be much of a comedian if he has to solicit jobs for “a standup comedy gig custom-tailored to fit your group or organization’s needs”.

    Just sayin’.

    • They want you to think they have half a brain. Always amazed how liberals always know what’s best for me.

  29. Check out the first comment his article received! Priceless:

    todd, please allow me to express my deep admiration of the sexual appendage you are evidently able to deploy for self-defense in place of a gun. You must be very proud. I am certain every lady you know feels safer in your presence than with nearly any other man.

    I admit that my own, personal peniis is pitifully inadequate for self-defense purposes.

    It appears that you would prefer that women should be left defenseless, since they are anatomically unsuited for it. Plus, it makes them so much easier for you to subdue.

    It’s also apparently a true belief of yours that the elderly and handicapped, regardless of size, do not deserve the right to self-defense, since their wang-fu will likely be inadequate for a variety of reasons. You obviously think that we don’t need such human rubbish, anyway.

    I admit, I’ve always found it disturbing that the police and military, being unable to find recruits of your mighty dimensions, instead must brand them as the puny weaklings they are by issuing handguns and rifles.

    Congratulations to you again, and I am sure we will hear more of your exploits as you defend your self, your family, your neighbors, and your nation with your wee-wee..

    I implore you to post the resulting news pictures.

  32. Wow. They’ve gone to childish insults now. So he’s trying to impress the girls by taking the ban guns side and then gets to”insinuate” he’s got a big %^#*. Thirteen year old behavior.

  34. Either you’re a weapon and your gun is a tool, or your gun is a weapon and you’re the tool. He’s obviously the latter.

  35. WTF is up with all these liberal metro-sexuals??

    Who ARE these creatures?

    If the current epoch of human race ever dies off, and some weird archives of all our ‘news’ and social media exchanged video footages are found by our future progeny, they’re gonna wonder if these monkeys were produced in a genetics lab for a wholly separate primate class’ bemusement.

    And… some among the armed intelligentsia believe we need to ‘convince’ these fools?

    No, really?

    Really?

  36. Funny responses on the newspaper website to the effect of, ‘Hey, should a guy obsessed with small penises really be running for a school board position?’

    Actually, I think the NRA actually MIGHT be able to ruin his political career if it were in the mood for going after small game.

  39. So as long as I have one Glock and one AR then Im okay huh!? Damn, that saves me money from buying thoes make it bigger pills. Thanks dude

  40. Wow. Todd seems to spend a lot of time wondering about the size of our packages, and I think I know why. Not that’s there’s anything wrong with Todd playing for the other team. I’m a supporter of gay rights and think that Todd should have the right to marry another man or even a whole bunch of men if that’s what he wants to do.

    Let’s be fair. If Todd Hartley spends every night polishing his boyfriend’s knob, should I be concerned? No, I should not. Because, like the size of someone’s bratwurst, what happens between Todd and his boyfriend is nobody’s business but theirs. And the gerbil’s.

  41. When things go bump in the night, until Todd Hartley’s giant penis is available to me, I’ll choose a modern sporting rifle with a standard capacity magazine any day.

    For crying out loud I have a family to protect, and my unit just can’t fight off armed intruders no matter how many pecker pushups I do at the gym.

  42. You know who tells people they have small penises? People with small penises. We call it “little man syndrome”…

  44. It is amazing to me that an actual media outlet would publish this. I understand that in this day and age there is little, if any integrity in the media, but damn. An actual editor and publisher really printed this? This may be the single, dumbest thing to have come out since the CT shootings. And thats really saying something.

  46. The truth is that gun-phobics and gun-grabbers are envious and angry because their testosterone and estrogen levels have lower capacity than a single barrel .22 short dillinger. Those people also have mommy and daddy issues wanting the state nanny-police to magically appear and protect them when suddenly facing danger in the real world.

  47. Todd got his ass handed to him in the comments section. At least from what I could tell on the first page. The Aspen Times makes you sign into you FB account (assuming you have one) to view remaining comments. Unsurprisingly.

  49. Hmm…what does that mean about all us SBR owners?

    Todd, get yer dick-lovin ass in here and elaborate!

  50. Just like Freud, who was convinced pretty much any and all emotional discomfort among men was rooted in their unfulfilled desire to bang their mothers. Often times the psychoanalysis offered by people on the “real reasons” other people do [fill-in-the-blank] it itself a window into *their* psychology. A practical Rorschach test of sorts. “What does this ink blot look like to you?” “Penis” “And this one?” “Uh, that’s a penis too” “How about this third one here?” “Yep, penis. Look doc, maybe we ought to switch seats – I think there might be something disturbing going on in your head!”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaXk6PVXqJE

  52. There is no end to the insults and vilification the grabbers throw at us. Can’t someone enjoy something the libs disapprove of without the bullying? Ok, Here’s back at ya schmuck. Sigmund Freud, a bit more versed in psychology than penis breath above had this to say:””A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity” So take that, you insulting troglodyte, you.

    I’ve lost count of the “people” that are grabbing on to Sandy Hook for self aggrandising, political agenda, and outright subversion of our Constitution. These dead children are being used as pawns, and have been wrapped in (Not in all cases) in an obnoxiously phoney morning by those who’s narrative they serve.

    Next will begin the anniversary count as the next few years go by with the bloodied shirts brought out on an annual basis. All victims of such crimes should be reverently remembered and their losses mourned, but I damn to hell those using them for political or social ends.

  53. There is no end to the insults and vilification the grabbers throw at us. Can’t someone enjoy something the libs disapprove of without the bullying? Ok, Here’s back at ya schmuck. Sigmund Freud, a bit more versed in psychology than pen!s breath above had this to say:””A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity” So take that, you insulting troglodyte, you.

    I’ve lost count of the “people” that are grabbing on to Sandy Hook for self aggrandizing, political agenda, and outright subversion of our Constitution. These dead children are being used as pawns, and have been wrapped in (Not in all cases) in an obnoxiously phoney morning by those who’s narrative they serve.

    Next will begin the anniversary count as the next few years go by with the bloodied shirts brought out on an annual basis. All victims of such crimes should be reverently remembered and their losses mourned, but I damn to hell those using them for political or social ends.

  54. Author of the quote should go to any inner city of his choice and make that statement there. It would be interesting to see what would happen to him and if he would change his opinion

  55. Even in the Aspen Times, this got published? And newspaper owners wonder why their sales and subscriptions and ad revenues are falling. What I have noticed is that gun control freaks talk about penises far more than gun rights advocates.

    Me thinks the “man” doth protest too much.

  56. One of the things that disposes me to vote against Democrats has been their ongoing and increasing obsession with their reproductive organs – and other people’s reproductive organs. Their recent political grandstanding against guns notwithstanding, they have an ongoing curious and creepy obsession with vaginas, penises, sex, perverted sex, sexual violence as political retribution, etc. One need only look back to the 2008 election season and observe how “journalists” and Democrats attacked Mrs. Palin – at the same time the press photographers seemed to obsess over Mrs. Palin’s choice of footwear in every photo they published. The behavior of liberals and their elected representatives since then towards Mrs. Palin has reinforced this conclusion. The inescapable conclusion I came to from this behavior is that there are a bunch of liberals who are really creepy perverts.

    But liberals aren’t satisfied to be common perverts and creeps – they then project this creepy sexual obsession upon whatever the public policy question of the moment is. For example, in the days leading up to the election, we were treated to trollops talking breathlessly about how voting for Obama equated with them losing their virginity, how Republicans were obsessed with vaginas and all matters uterine… while failing to notice that liberals were the people injecting sex into the public debate at every turn.

    And this doesn’t even begin to explain the behavior of people like Anthony Weiner.

    I’ll say it now for the record: If you’re a gun owner and you voted for people such as Mr. Hartley… knowing full well that these people have these absurd sexual predilections… you’re a moron. I don’t care how you try to justify it. If you’re voting for someone who can’t seem to discuss public policy without infantile sexual references… you’re a moron, in the literal definition of the word. Please turn in your voter registration card, spark up a doobie and spend your days on the couch, watching Beavis and Butthead… or Jersey Shore… because that’s the highest and most productive use of your life and you should cease bothering productive society with your aspirations to do anything more.

  57. “A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.”
    -Sigmund Freud

    Enough said!

    • Thanks! I was wondering how long it would take before someone quoted that jewel…

      I was thinking, “The bigger the mouth, the shorter down south.”

  58. “I have no legitimate argument so I’m going to say my opponent is __________.”

    Select one or more phrase from the word bank: Poorly endowed, a racist, a poorly endowed racist, a child molester, a poorly endowed racist child molester, a….

    It’s the most “left” tactic I have ever heard of. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been called either a racist or informed that my genitals are small simply because I fully support the Second Amendment.

    What a childish tactic. Let their true colors shine.

  59. The fact that he feels the need to discuss the size of one’s penis tells me that he’s way too concerned with the size of his own penis, and spends considerable time worrying about it.

  60. That’s It??…Nothing else?? American men who chose to be men and take personal responsibility to act in defense of their wives and children have small penises?? Hey guys , I’ve got great news; if this is all the eunuchs have in the way of a cogent argument…we win!

  61. If what that AH said would be applied to all the over zealous federal governmental gun toting folks they would be suffering Penisless syndrome

  62. I own at least five firearms and am seven inches long.
    Should I take a picture of my genitals along with my guns then send it to Todd Hartley?

  67. Boy, he sure sounds intelligent. Guess my wife has a small weiner??
    Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

  68. So I guess the question I throw back at Mr. Einstein is: “So just because you nailed it (so to speak) regarding my penis size, DOES THAT JUSTIFY YOU OR ANYONE ELSE TRYING TO INFRINGE MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS?”

  69. So even if he nailed (so to speak) that fact about my genitalia spot-on, does that give him the right to INFRINGE ON MY RIGHT TO KEEP AND BEAR ARMS?

  70. What is concerning is that a majority of “male” anti-gunners seemed obsessed with penis’s.

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