Self-Defense Tip: Don’t Post Videos of Your Crib on the Internet

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There are three basic types of bad guys: opportunists, professionals and psychos. Opportunists are generally stupid, drugged or drugged and stupid. Dangerous, but dumb. Professionals always have a plan. They’re generally shy. Dangerous, but rarely seen. And when they are, hoo-boy do you have trouble. But they’re Girl Scouts as compared to psychos. These people are smart, fearless and focused. They gather information about their victims, plan their strike and implement it without mercy. The Petit family massacre is a case in point, but not the worst case scenario. That’s reserved for a psycho who knows you. Then it’s personal . . .

Don’t tell me you’ve never made enemies. Or spurned the advances of a male or female admirer. Or simply run into someone who’s nuts. [See: Alfred Hitchcock’s Strangers on a Train.] Stalkers? They’re out there. Somewhere. And again, they’re smart. Check this from Common Traits of Stalkers:

Stalkers are above average in intelligence and are usually smarter than the run of the mill person with mental problems. They will go to great lengths to obtain information about their victims or to find victims who have secretly moved. They have been known to hack into computers, tap telephone lines, take jobs at public utilities that allow them access to the victims or information about the victims, and even to travel thousands of miles and spend thousands of dollars to gain information about or find their victims. Stalkers many times use their intelligence to throw others off their trail.

OK, so, where would a stalker attack? Where you’re alone. Which is, Chris Colombus fans, home.

One of the main reasons people don’t carry a gun in their home: they believe they have the home field advantage. It’s their territory. If the home owner is “into” armed self-defense, he or she may stash guns in strategic locations. Build a safe room. Devise a plan. Sorted.

Yes, well, the pro and the psycho have plans too. If that plan involves a home invasion, they’re coming in and they’re coming in hot. You could provide no greater assistance to their dastardly plot than a) being disarmed at the time of attack and b) posting videos on YouTube taken inside your house.

Obviously, I’m not going to post examples of security-compromising YouTube videos here. Just enter the words “home tour” or “my crib” or similar in the search bar. There are thousands of examples. As any regular viewer of Criminal Minds will tell you, a psycho could actually select your home from these videos.

The worst example of this security faux pas: MTV Cribs. Or, as I like to call, Stalker Porn. [Example above]

Remember: it’s not just the home tour stuff. Seemingly innocuous videos of goofing around in situ also provide a map of your world for people bent on conquest.

I understand people who think that thinking like this makes you almost as nuts as the (theoretical) person who’d want to break into your home and torture/kill you or your family. Besides, as stated above, there are plenty of other ways for a psycho to gather intel about your HQ. But—

It stops being paranoid when it starts being you.