It happened the other day, again, in the locker room. “Why do you carry a gun?” a random guy asked as I placed my EDC in my locker. “So that good things can happen to bad people,” I replied. I thought it was clever, being in the Bible Belt and all. He didn’t get it. I could have trotted out the old warhorse, “Because a policeman’s too heavy to carry,” but I didn’t want to get into an argument with the protein shake-swilling Schwarzenegger listening in. Anyway, with licensed open carry coming to Texas, I’ve been thinking about snappy answers to that inevitable question. Here’s what I’ve got so far . . .
Why Do You Carry A Gun?
- Leverage
- I couldn’t find a holster for my Howitzer
- Because Jon Wayne Taylor’s not here
- To make my butt look small
- To defend against all enemies, foreign, domestic and overly inquisitive
- Wait. Are you saying I should be carrying two guns?
- Because my gun suffers from severe separation anxiety
- Because I woke up this morning in the United States of America
- Because a knife is way too personal
- To distract women from the enormous bulge in my pants
- Because bad guys prefer to attack unarmed citizens like . . .
- Because Jesus loves me but he’s busy right now
Any other bright ideas?
“Even if its a long shot, no one can guarantee i won’t need it at some point”
I like this variant better …
“Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.”
Because of your mom! She keeps following me around since our special “date” last week. I’m getting kind of scared…
Because a cop is too heavy.
“Because I woke up this morning in the United States of America”
… FTW!!
But seriously, .. as an adult male .. who goes to a gym, .. anyone attacking -You- (someone of your gender, size, and carriage) is absolutely going to be: Armed, One of Several in a Gang, Dangerously Crazy, or All of the Above.
The only way to end an attack of that manner is .. to cross your fingers and hope they let you live through … or .. to kick its butt ‘somehow’.
Now unless the victim is an Action Hero on the set of his own make-believe Kung-Fu Movie, the only functional and authoritative way to do that .. is called Firearms, the great equalizer.
Another response, psychology, make -them- the problem for not being With It and Getting On The Bandwagon:
“Are you kidding? .. Or are you, in 2015, still one of the fewer and fewer people who don’t have a CCW yet?? Citizen firearms stop over 2million violent crimes every single year, .. but they only do that .. if you’re Armed. – Or lucky enough to be near someone else who is Armed. Not, myself, being a tumbleweed wimp, I carry my Own Water, as it were. Yourself? Why not??..”
Excedrine,
Along the same vein, this is actually really profound:
Because I wish to.
“Rather have it and not need it than the reverse…”
Sometimes, “that’s none of your business” is the most appropriate answer, especially if you don’t think the questioner is asking in good faith.
In Russia, I think they’d say “you aren’t just trying to make conversation?”
(meaning “are you trying to make conversation?”; see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_political_jokes),
because generally, I think, when someone makes a stupid question they’re often just trying to engage a little ‘banter’.
In Russia, I think they’d say “you aren’t just trying to make conversation?”
(meaning “are you trying to make conversation?”; see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_political_jokes),
CTRL-F “conversation” None Found.
CTRL+F “fish”, my friend.
That is an awesome line.
Because the Police will arrive with chalk in hand.
Or a variation…”so I’m not the next chalk outline”
“What security clearance do you have and how did you get in here? Code Blue, I repeat, Code Blue!”
When a white liberal asks you could say carrying something black makes you feel more racially integrated.
I’d leave it in the car but someone might steal it.
I like!
“Because it refuses to follow me around.”
Haha…I like it!
There’s never a rock handy when you need one.
Do you even listen to what the politicians have in mind?
I like to keep an eye on it. Make sure it doesn’t go off and shoot someone when I’m not watching.
Because I take my role as citizen seriously – too bad you don’t
Because I value my life
Because all lives matter
Because when seconds matter, police are only minutes away
Because I’m a member of the unorganized militia – and you’re shirking your duties
Because the question is not why I’m carrying a pistol, but why AREN”T you?
Winner.
That was my response as well
“I’m a member of the militia” is a rocking answer.
The picture. She bought the shoulder thingy that goes up at a gun show using a loophole.
So the breach on a Gustav is what they’ve been talking about all this time??
Now the gun grabbers arguments all make sense. How could I have been so blind? Guns are bad.
A sword would draw too much attention.
And they’re illegal to carry in a lot of states.
Anyone who argues the 2nd amendment is about muskets should be confronted with the sword question, as swords were regularly worn in combat in the late 1700s.
A bit longer than that. Swords were regularly carried in combat by cavalry, NCOs, and officers through World War I. The banning of carrying of swords by civilians, begun in the early 19th century, was a measure to enforce anti-dueling laws.
Swedish policemen carried swords up through the 1920s I understand.
Oh I know, but those who think the 2nd amendment should only apply to weapons available at the moment the Bill of Rights was drafted, as if the founding fathers had no concept of the passage of time, should be addressed.
Because it can’t walk?
Because calling in air support is expensive.
Because the police stop me when I carry the katanna
“It’s more effective than loud words or throwing books.”
And apparently easier to come by.
Because carrying a Bazooka would be too noticeable!
Because a Carl Gustav doesn’t fit into my backpack!
It’s my security blanket. I feel naked without it.
Because I cannot afford Chuck Norris.
Still, if I could, I’d unleash Chuck Norris carrying the two MP5s in Delta Force – while I ran to get more ammo.
Because you and I live on a planet where the chief activity is competition for resources.
Because I own my life and am the only one responsible for that life and my safety.
I Carry a Gun – Get Over IT http://www.thepriceofliberty.org/?page_id=848
But, in the end, I live and therefore I am. I don’t need any other person’s permission to live or defend myself. I don’t need anyone’s vetting of my intentions or sanity, nor approval for the self defense tool I choose or how I carry it.
I don’t NEED to explain myself. I don’t NEED any reasons at all.
MamaLiberty,
I like to summarize it this way:
My RIGHTS are never WRONG.
Because happiness is a warm gun.
Because my Secret Service protection is out picking up hookers.
I never know when you may go off you meds.
Because my dual mag carrier on my other hip would look stupid alone.
“Because my Secret Service protection is out picking up hookers.”
Read the whole thing and I nominate this for the best.
Concur, though I will phrase this as:
My secret service detail has the day off.
“Because my Secret Service protection is out picking up hookers.”
I think we have a winner!
“Who says I’m only carrying a gun? “
DaveL wrote on October 25, 2015 at 14:27 hours:
“Who says I’m only carrying _a_ gun?”
🙂
Count the guns carried concealed by gun leathersmith John Bianchi:
http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w201/SVT-40/Scans%20%20Photos%20ect/doc171.jpg~original
Yeah I was going to post a more concise version of that. Along the lines of “One?”
“Because human beings are just animals with great capacity to control emotions. Sadly, too many of you don’t exercise that capacity.”
“Human nature. Quite savage if you realistically think about it.”
“Because the supporters of CSGV, Brady Campaign, and Mommies Demand Action want me dead. No seriously, read their comments section.”
“To help correct for my scoliosis”
“To help correct for my scoliosis”
Indeed.
That makes it a medical device…
🙂
It’s a weight loss tool, fully loaded adds two pounds of weight I train with.
“To protect me and my family. And maybe even to protect you and yours.”
In Israel I carried every day, even when in civvies. Not concealed carry — In Israel, carry is carry — open or concealed — same thing. If you have a license it is good forever and anywhere.
Anyway, one day, a tourist speaking accented English (Spanish maybe), asked me “Why do you carry a gun?” (a 9mm 1911, just fyi). I was initially stunned by the question, because this was in ISRAEL and I was in Jerusalem at the time. I responded with a clever (I thought) — ” Perhaps you haven’t heard — this is a dangerous, country.”
“The question is, why don’t you?”
Because only carrying bullets would be silly.
You just broke the internet with the truth!!!
“Because only carrying bullets would be silly.”
found it. ^ this ^
Because I can’t afford armed security to follow me around all the time like an elitist anti freedom liberal does….
Stranger: Why do you carry a gun?
Me: Departmental regulations.
Stranger: Your an off duty cop?
Me: No.
Stranger: (weird look)
Me: The local PD regulates that robberies shall receive a response time of no less than 7 minutes, and this thing is a bit quicker than that.
Open carry and wear an ares armor “American Terrorist Foundation” shirt and somehow people just assume you are a fed. Haha I had some poor teenage kid ask me what the atf was. I told him it’s a federal agency and if he wished to know more he could google “operation fast and furious”. He seamed pleased haha.
Now That’s A Stupid Question!
If it’s intended to be a serious question, then I’d respond with “I’d rather have it and not need it.”
And if it’s intended to be an unserious question, then I’d be more like “because the police usually arrive with chalk in hand.”
“Why do you carry a gun?”
Have you heard the saying “Life is tough, get a helmet?”
“Yeah/No”
Well that’s my helmet.
“Oh, I carry two.”
“I tried walking it on a leash, but that seemed inhumane.”
If they say anything similar to “Strutting about with a gun on your hip.” I give them one of these:
“Hips don’t lie” and wink flirtatiously, works extra well when the inquisitive idiot is a man.
or
“Should I duct tape it to my forehead instead?”
Because sometimes, people like to take advantage of blind people.
I may not see too good, but I do make up in taste.
“Because i am going venture outside the security of your personality”
“I dont want my wife to have the funding to run off with a 24 year old zumba instructor named Armando”
“It gets Shannon Watts excited and flustered”
“Foreplay”
Dirk,
Truly you do have to watch out for those Zumba instructors they are a wily bunch
Because I couldn’t come up with a rational reason NOT to (carry a gun).
That is probably the best answer if you think they are serious.
Because my life is just as valuable as Oprah’s.
“Because I don’t live in Canada.” …. is what I’d say if I didn’t live in Canada. ?
Because I plan on winning.
I have only been asked once, and then it was “Why wouldn’t I?”
“It’s a safety device. Just like the fire extinguisher in my car.”
“Because I can.”
“Why do I carry a handgun? Because a rifle won’t fit in the holster.”
“Because I can.”
Damn it, you beat me to it. 🙂
“Because carrying my assault rifle every day is too ostentatious.”
Why do I carry gun? Because I’m a free man. The only people that don’t carry a firearm are peasants, peons and slaves.
Jedi Business
“move along..”
“What [am I] suppose to use, man? Harsh language?” – Frost, Aliens
“The same reason I have insurance against my house burning down and a fire extinguisher at home.” “I’m not likely to need any of them, but if I do, I’m glad I have them.”
Because beating my assailant to death is too much f**king work.
Ha! I like this one.
So while your acting as the bullet/knife sponge I can actually stop the threat to my life.
Because the government won’t let me have a bomb.
I pissed off a bunch of Serbs.
🙂
Are you of Croatian ancestry. Don’t think you are a Albanian or Bosniac. 🙂
Or Albanians.
(see Tune In Tomorrow).
a couple days ago it was the libyans.
Why do I carry a gun? Because I couldn’t get a permit for a grenade launcher.
Shamelessly stole that one from one of my favorite bad movies: Split Second.
“Where are we going now?”
“To get bigger guns.”
“Same reason a cop does–for self-defense.”
If I were a female, I might add:
“Because I would rather not die covered in my own piss and puke”.
Because Obama hasn’t hired me a personal armed guard yet.
I’m not psychic so I have to prepare for when the bad guy wants to attack.
Ever see something and say to yourself “Where’s a cop when you need one?”
“Why do you carry a gun?”
“Why wouldn’t I carry a gun?”
Why don’t you carry a gun? That always makes them Sutter and stammer.
+1. The look is priceless and it makes them think.
Wallet and phone on one side. If I don’t, I’ll be walking in circles due to poor weight distribution.
One of mine… I am free and intend on staying that way.
And another… Only slaves are disarmed.
Because they don’t levitate and follow me around on their own. Now if I were a Jedi…
Because the cops take 30 minutes to answer a 911 call.
Q. Why Do You Carry A Gun?
A. The very fact that you have to ask me that question, means you wouldn’t understand any rational answer I would give you.
Winner.
Joke answer: “Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor, and the contrary opinion is wishful thinking at its worst. Breeds that forget this basic truth have always paid for it with their lives and their freedoms.”
Real answer: “Same reason I train martial arts or have a fire extinguisher, I don’t go looking for trouble, but that doesn’t mean trouble wont find me.”
I usually prefer the classic because “when seconds count…:” but lately, when it rarely comes up I prefer “because life matters”. I rather enjoy the facial response it quite often generates. I suppose asking why they dont also works pretty well.
So I can fight my way back to my rifle.
To make America great again.
A – “For the same reason there’s a first aid kit in my bag.”
“If I need to spell that out… I carry(*) because I’d like to be able to do what I can to keep myself alive … or you. And the need might arise.”
(*) Personally, I don’t carry a gun, being that NY State makes doing so difficult (for the law-abiding.)
As a consequence I’ve said this, too: “So, your preferred policy keeps me disarmed, just in case you were wondering. That’s against my preference, which is kind of obnoxious of you, and if you really think I’m a threat, the number for 911 is ‘911.’”
Unless you live down near NY City or a few unfortunate counties, the state doesn’t make it that hard. It really depends on your county. Some may look for *any* reason not to give you a permit, while others just make sure there isn’t a good reason to deny it. “May issue” certainly sucks, but it’s far from impossible to get a permit except for the City.
Because my life matters,
I was in a gas station once and a guy walked in and said, “Woah, you have a gun! Are you going to shoot me?” I said, “Well, I guess that’s really up to you.”
This made me LOL.
“no, they don’t let us shoot people for asking stupid questions.”
Funny, but that could be misinterpreted as prelude to a stick up.
In that vein, though, “Only if you try to kill me.”
Because the founding fathers tell me to every morning when I read the constitution
Because MY life matters.
I’m old and weak, and some people would take advantage of that. The gun is for behavioral modification.
To prevent someone from committing a mortal sin by murdering me.
Ya’ know I don’t tell ANYONE so it doesn’t come up-concealed is concealed(and that includes anyone knowing…yeah I have snappy answers but I will just let lowlifes and the curious be surprised…
Because F U, that’s why!
Why do you carry a gun? Because I am too damn old to take an ass whipping!
RF, you’re such a huge proponent of home carry (and rightly so), how is it you aren’t rocking a fanny pack or something similarly functional to allow gym carry?
Who says I’m not?
Nice maieutic. Always works for all types of “why aren’t you?” questions.
“because my life matters”
A guy asked me in a store once, obviously in an arguementative fashion. I said “in case I need to shoot someone.” Since we’re in Alaska some ppl assume it’s for bear protection. I said “I don’t carry for animals, it’s for shooting other humans with, should the need arise.”
Really, it is for bear’s. You just shoot the person that’s running ahead of you. 🙂
“I carry gun because my doctor said that it would be okay as long as I stay on my meds.”
Because I can’t throw a rock 1250 feet per second.
Well, ya see used to have a trained protection dog but he ran away, now lives on a farm out in the country and gets scrambled eggs and crispy bacon every morning, said he is not coming home. I wear a holstered handgun with a restraining strap so it can’t run away.
Can you give me directions to that farm? 😉
“Can you give me directions to that farm?”
Wish I could but, in a time honored Texan tradition , if you ask us a question we really don’t want to answer, we’ll just tell you a story.
Actually the dog is in Federal Witness Protection Program.
“Because my broad sword makes it hard for me to get in and out of the car.”
Cuz I gotta ****load of cash on me…
Crime might be down, but crazy is still everywhere. You just never know.
Tom
I feel the same way if someone asks me if I voted-none of your forking busy-ness…
Because I believe in the sanctity of human life, particularly my own.
I carry a small gun (lc9s ) to compensate from my massive penis
How about a constructive helpful answer and not a snarky reply that doesn’t help anyone?
Yeah Dylan, as if that ever works! Tell you what, go have a reasonable conversation, or as you put it, “a constructive helpful answer” about guns with someone of a differing view or as we say it, the antis and get back to us on how it went.
It never works. They don’t listen. That’s why it’s coming down to telling them to f—- off!
Actually there are quite a few answers here that will make people think.
Those who are incapable of thought won’t ask the question. They recoil in paralyzing fear at the sight of a gun and run off to post a statement about your penis on the CSGV faceplant page.
This is based on an old mad magazine thing. It’s meant as humor. Thought obviously some people will actually use some of these. And some of them might be apropos. For example, asking the right poignant question in a friendly way can make people think in ways they wouldn’t have before.
“…Storm says:
October 25, 2015 at 15:47
Q. Why Do You Carry A Gun?
A. The very fact that you have to ask me that question, means you wouldn’t understand any rational answer I would give you…”
There’s your answer, Dylan.
Because I LOVE hearing the latest penis size firerarm analogies from liberals….do you have one for me? Wink. Wink….
Guns are like parachutes and life jackets. If you don’t have one when you need one, you may never need one again.
“Why Do You Carry A Gun?”
Because I finally realized one day that I am not bullet-proof and being unarmed won’t do me much good against someone who is armed.
Are you bullet proof?
no?
Then you might consider carrying one too.
I would be glad to show you how to shoot.
In my best James Cagney voice…
” You dirty rat! You’d take away my right to defend myself and my family? You dirty rat!
Now, you dirty rat, this country was founded on God, Guns and Guts…see!
NOW! If you mess with my brother, you mess’in with me!
We Americans watch out for each other! You dirty rat!
I carry ’cause I’m ‘posed to!”
Because I can.
“If Will stops and cries Why, invoking Because, then Will stops & does nought. If Power asks why, then is Power weakness. Also reason is a lie; for there is a factor infinite & unknown; & all their words are skew-wise. Strain forth thine Intelligence, O man, for thus thy reason shall at last break down.
“
Are we rating these by caliber? From .22 short (meh) to.40 S&W (quite snappy)?
Stranger: Why do you carry a gun?
Me: Did you ever carry a condom when you were younger? You know, in case you needed one? It is kind of like that, except when I was younger I really wanted to use the condom.
Simplest answer:
Read a history book.
Why do you wear a seatbelt?
Why do people tend to keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen or home?
Same logic.
When seconds count the police are only minutes away…
“I haven’t trained it to heel yet, so until it learns I have to carry it”.
“Because people.”
Then I usually just walk away. Lol.
Because bullets are cheaper than a funeral.
No double standards put the DC politicians on Obamacare and SS.Thanks for your support and vote.Pass the word. mrpresident2016.com
Because the Ministry prohibits us from using magic in the presence of muggles.
Because a plasma rifle in a 40watt range hasn’t been invented yet.
Because nobody makes a holster for rocks.
Because a flamethrower prints.
Without this counterweight, I would invariably list to the left.
Because carrying a honey badger is prohibited in the U.S.
Because my shipment of Amazonian poison dart frogs hasn’t arrived yet.
Because my blowgun is out getting Cerakoted.
That’s not a gun, it’s a forged, machined, gas operated carrying case for unspent bullets.
That’s not a gun, it’s a liberal-Leftist mental detector. Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep…
Oh that,…it’s actually a nail gun. The thing is, it only shoots very short, hollow point nails.
A gun is much more fashionable than Kevlar, don’t you think? Kevlar is so 1990’s.
Because inserting these bullets manually, is easier said than done. A tad messy too.
Because these god dang stupid bullets just won’t shoot themselves.
because these hips don’t lie?
Because the world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything. – Albert Einstein
“Because i have a small penis.”
Try it. it’s hilarious.
…because sometimes running away isn’t enough.
I’m going to apeal to poetry and religion!
“If Will stops and cries Why, invoking Because, then Will stops & does nought. If Power asks why, then is Power weakness. Also reason is a lie; for there is a factor infinite & unknown; & all their words are skew-wise. Strain forth thine Intelligence, O man, for thus thy reason shall at last break down.”
We heard you the first time. The second time didn’t make it better.
“To drive off Tigers..”
when they say there are no Tigers in (insert location here)
Smile and say “See? it works!”
>Smile and say “See? it works!”
Alternately: “And I intend to keep it that way!”
Even Cait Jenner still carries a gun.
I carry this revolver in case someone in the locker room tries to take my gun. You aren’t going to try that are you?
Because they haven’t invented lightsabers yet.
I use it as a hole punch for my scrapbooking.
Because Tapout shirts.
Its a good arm rest.
(if they see it in your shoulder holster) It keeps me warm.
Because the modern man doesn’t fist fight.
“Actually he carries me most of the time.”
“Because you can’t save me.”
While I think facetious answers are funny, and there are some good ones here, I don’t take that approach. I try, and I admit it doesn’t always work, to educate the person asking. My hope is that at least some of the people who ask are genuinely interested and might learn something that would lean them a bit farther in our direction.
I say, “Two reasons. To protect myself and other innocent people in our increasingly violent world, and to exercise OUR Second Amendment rights. A right that is not exercised soon gets taken away.”
“Because I own a fire extinguisher” is my normal line (of course I almost never get to use it).
Makes for 90+% confused faces. The ones that get it are golden.
Don’t say anything. Just grin.
I have done that and it works well in the right situation; mostly if they seem to just be itching to condem the practice.
Because I forgot my rape whistle.
“I carry because you aren’t man enough to defend me.”
“It’s where I keeps my bullets.”
For the same reason I carry insurance.
Why wouldn’t I?
You Don’t?! Huh, weird…
The leash things wasn’t working out.
Honestly though, I haven’t had questions like that in a long time. Most people I know also carry and those that don’t, liberal or otherwise, know I carry and don’t really even think about it any more. Normalization and all that.
The same answer I gave my father when he asked why I would own an assault weapon (AR15 in .223): “Because it is my right and I can.”
Not that my dad is anti-gun, he owns a few. He just doesn’t understand the purpose behind owning assault type weapons.
Define assault type weapon.
“Decepticons.”
(Stolen from that internet meme)
Because I don’t believe in fighting fair!
“You hit him from behind!”
“Just as hard as I could”
Because those that beat their swords into plowshares will end up plowing for the ones that didn’t.
Because it would damage the finish if I drag it.
Because my responsibility is to make it home to my family.
Because I’m too old to win a three on one and I’m too young to die.
So that I can be persuaded, not coerced.
So that if someone should come to me intent on giving their life up for their addiction or religion, I can oblige them.
I’m the head of security for a very important (your city) family…mine!
“Random violence. Here’s a better question – WHY don’t YOU carry a gun? Do you read/watch the news?”
Because I’m too weak to fight and too slow to run.
Meta Answer: “Because I wanted to find out for myself why someone would carry a gun.”
Captain Obvious Answer: “So I have it with me.”
Thought-Provoking Answer: “So that I know there will always be a Good Guy With a Gun nearby.”
Conversation Starter: “Have you ever exercised your Second Amendment rights?”
“So that you laugh at my jokes.”
Because a cop is too heavy.
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