Tell the Moms Demand Action Harpies at Your Thanksgiving Table to Shut Up and Eat Their Tofurky

By
Dan Zimmerman
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98
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We’re firmly of the opinion that tweets like the one above and articles like this one that invariably pop up every year in the run-up to red-blooded Americans’ favorite holiday are nothing but clickbait meant to provoke the normies, generate outraged social media posts, and get tongues a-wagging.

We doubt that either your spinster Aunt Karen from Portland or your pajama-boy cousin who’s home on break from Oberlin (where’s he’s still working on his masters in Grievance Studies) will actually bring up gun control at the Thanksgiving dinner table tomorrow. But if you’re unlucky enough to encounter a relative who does, don’t let it affect your vibe…or your appetite. They’re just not worth it.

The appropriate response is simple and satisfying. Don’t engage…just smile at them, put another spoonful of dressing on your plate, and then cheerfully suggest they stuff their insufferable pie hole with another forkful of the vegan Tofurky they brought with them so you can continue to enjoy more of the real thing in peace.

If they persist for some reason, you can then tell the story of your latest deer, pig, dove — or turkey — hunt, describe in great detail how much fun it was, and how nice it is now to have all of that delicious organic meat in your freezer.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving tomorrow. No matter what.

 

 

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98 COMMENTS

    • “Reads like the guns are being victimized by these homicidal people.”

      That certainly can be true if a homicidal person kills someone who desperately needs it, then has the crime scene gun pitched into a metal shredder after the prosecutor is done with it … 🙁

  2. Thankfully, at our table we are all in agreement regarding the Second Amendment.

    However, Abortion as a perceived Right…not so much.

    • Thankfully we won’t have any anti-gunners or pro child murder advocates at our table tomorrow. The rest of the family is probably less pro 2nd Amendment than myself, but at least they aren’t anti-gunners.

    • “a perceived Right”

      My family’s full of Democrats, so I usually avoid these conversations at a get-together because I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

      However, if the opportunity arises, I’ll ask them if they could imagine poisoning or dismembering a newborn. Now imagine doing the same thing to the same baby except changing the physical location of the baby to the womb. People usually have a misconception of abortion like it’s a humane procedure. It isn’t. It’s an extremely violent act against the most vulnerable population in the world.

      Some people don’t think about it too deeply. Some people follow along with whatever they think their political party of choice believes in. More people are waking up to the scientific reality of life. That includes people of a left wing persuasion. Rehumanize International, Secular Pro-Life, Feminists for Life, PLAGAL+ (The Pro-Life Alliance of G-a-y-s and L-e-s-b-i-a-n-s) [I’m not allowed to write those words without moderation], and PAAU (Progressive Anti-Abortion Uprising) are some of the left wing groups for the defense of life.

      • Sincere agreement! How nice that they use the term “abortion” instead of the proper name of “baby killing.” They just love to make it such a wonderful event. Not when a dead innocent child is sacrificed for “convenience.” So many couples are childless and would jump at the opportunity to be parents. Now I feel so sad!!

    • Old Guy, I ‘d like to know how killing a human being, a child, is OK for the convenience of a woman.

      • there was not room on the boat, the woman threw the baby overboard and kept the pig.
        reasoning , the pig would keep her alive and she could have another child. That’s some cold hearted survival. . ..abortions for convenience, No.

      • Same principle of self-defense that it’s OK to use deadly force to prevent herself from the inconvenience of rape, even if that results in another person being killed.

        • Why is it that pro-abortion people always bring up rape when that accounts for 1%, or less, of abortions? They also often bring up incest. That accounts for 0.5% or less. If that’s your only concern, then how about this proposal? No abortions after 8 weeks. If you were raped, then you have plenty of time to find out if you’re pregnant. But they’re never okay with that proposal, are they? That’s because it’s really an excuse to keep abortion access in place until the moment of birth, or even beyond (yes, they have made that argument).

      • “Old Guy, I ‘d like to know how killing a human being, a child, is OK for the convenience of a woman.”

        Because some where along the way to the ‘woke revolution’ some liberal lawyers infected with the ‘left-wing mind virus’ were able to persuade a liberal judge also infected with the ‘left-wing mind virus’ that they had the divine right to decide what is or is not a human life for purposes of birth control.

        That’s what ‘Planned Parethood’ was all about, its origins, deciding that ‘certain’ births should not be allowed for certain classes of people. Margaret Sanger, started this. Although she is frequently said by the pro-choice movement not to believe in eugenics and objected to abortion that’s not actually true, she simply twisted one of the eugenics principals around from ‘duty to state’ to a ‘duty to self was duty to state’ thing but everything else was kinda OK to do.

        After World War I, Sanger increasingly posited a societal need to limit births by those least able to afford children (what she was meaning was was minorities and poor – in other words racism and discrimination). The affluent and educated already limited their childbearing she posited, while the poor and uneducated lacked access to contraception and information about birth control. She found an area of overlap with eugenicists. She believed in the principals of eugenics in that they both sought to “assist the race toward the elimination of the unfit.” But then while basically holding to the eugenics ideal she twisted it around in one point to distinguish herself from other eugenicists, by writing and advocating “eugenists imply or insist that a woman’s first duty is to the state; we contend that her duty to herself is her duty to the state. We maintain that a woman possessing an adequate knowledge of her reproductive functions is the best judge of the time and conditions under which her child should be brought into the world. We further maintain that it is her right, regardless of all other considerations, to determine whether she shall bear children or not, and how many children she shall bear if she chooses to become a mother.” – this is what was called ‘negative eugenics’ which aims to improve human hereditary traits through social intervention by reducing the reproduction of those who were considered unfit.

        ‘negative eugenics’ – if you substitute “human hereditary traits through social” with “Ayran Race hereditary traits through Nazi Party” – you end up with the same thing Hitler did which was ‘eugenics’ or in other words “which aims to improve Ayran Race hereditary traits through Nazi Party intervention by reducing the reproduction of those who were considered unfit.” Despite the hair-splitting word games insistence of the liberal pro-choice crowd, Margaret Sanger was a racist and proponent of eugenics and founded ‘Planned Parenthood’ based upon that racist and eugenics view of hers.

        And thus the idea evolved that ‘certain members of society’ (females) have some sort of inherent right to decide when human life was unfit to be born, which was translated by liberal lawyers and liberal judges into a confusing merry go round of deciding at what moment a human life becomes a human life. And today the pro-choice crowd roots for the possibility of being able to abort at any time prior to birth even up to moments before giving natural birth to be able to kill a full term baby already entering the birth canal because the mother suddenly changes her mind.

        • Sanger literally called it the Negro Project. To this day, the largest population segment being aborted is black babies. The Nazis were fans of the eugenics movement being pushed by progressives in the US.

          War Against the Weak: Eugenics and America’s Campaign to Create a Master Race

      • I agree. The child cannot defend herself or himself but is brutally, very painfully murdered.
        Some “convenience.” Practicing birth control or carrying the child to birth and releasing her or him for adoption are infinitely preferred to murder.

  3. So, does that mean I have to literally go out and FIND a MAD Harpy and invite the b!tch to dinner just so I can tell her to shut up, and WTF is “tofurky”? That’s pretty much the only way any anti-gun left wing nutcase would even wind up in my home never mind at my dinner table eating some kind of made-up crap… OBTW: just watched “The Fall of Minneapolis” very interesting… Invite a MAD whatever to watch that…

      • “I told my brother in law to tofurk himself.”

        I have a BIL like that.

        Dig this, last year, no less –

        We all show up at sis’s house for the bird and gravy, BIL isn’t there. Sis lets the family know her POS hubby is spending thanksgiving at his girlfriend’s house.

        Sis has rid herself of that ass, to the relief of the rest of the family… 🙂

        • My question, who’s the better cook?
          Heh heh, my BIL was always pilfering my coke, so I tin foiled up some Drano and left it on the dresser.
          BIL was sick for that Thanksgiving dinner
          I wonder if he said “Nice burn.” ?

        • “My question, who’s the better cook?”

          Sad to say, he was the better cook, by a large margin.

          Rad : I called it 20 years ago, the boy was simply not right in the head… 🙁

  4. Vehicle explodes at Rainbow Bridge, border crossings closed after alleged attempted ‘terrorist attack’

    Border crossings between the United States and Canada are closed after an explosion from what is alleged to be an attempted terrorist attack with a car at the border security checkpoint between the two countries

    • Our governor first said there were no known attacks planned or likely. This happens: it wasn’t terrorism and islamophobia bad. So either she is lying or incompetent and neither is a good thing. Oh and tofurkey is a unholy abomination of soy bean curd molded and chemically treated to resemble and theoretically taste like turkey. Trust the science™

        • Well if you were on my side of the Hudson you would be investigated for voter fraud by the FBI like my near(ish) neighbors in Rensselaer……… while ignoring NYC shenanigans of course.

        • SAFE, I wouldn’t be surprised if the “authorities” were not investigating me. I have written more than a few Letters to the Editor bitching about the chicanery that soe of our local politicals have pulled.

          They just finished a multi-milliion dollar hospital to combine the two other hospitals now with 40 less beds. The Idiots at MVHS could not manage a food truck with a manual. They opened the hospital prematurely before all the air flow systems were inspected and had to close the Surgery suites for a few days while the tried to “fix the problem”. Then the bums claimed that this happens all the time but failed to cite one other instance. They also don’t even have enough parking for the employees. Somebody got paid off that is for sure.

        • Ah disregard then, if you are near/go near the Amsterdam area Franks has been great for a lot of various fun supplies.

      • Everything tastes like chicken anyway. Tofu or Turkey -plus it all goes to the same place in the end. I’m there for the pumpkin pie.

        • Oh man, pie. I appreciate the spiritual and cultural aspects of this season, but being practical, I also appreciate pie. Pumpkin, apple, mincemeat, cherry, plum, maple cream, peach, grape, peanut butter, rhubarb, different berries, etc., come and go at our table. My wife may be a transplant from Parador, only a couple generations removed from cannibals, but she’s got the pie bit of Americana down pat.

    • The vehicle explosion on The Rainbow Bridge (barf) shows the desperation of people literally dying to get out of New Yoyk.

      • They say in the Pacific Islands they have not practiced cannibalism in 40 years.

        I haven’t had a candy circus peanut in 40 years but if I close my eyes I can still remember what they tasted like ..

        • Hmm, now there’s a memory…my grandmother always had a fresh bag of them, like magic…🥜 soft & orange.

  5. When my mother got to old to host Thanksgiving. A cousin kind of took over. After couple of years she’s starting to get it down. Thing is she drives up from Tampa and rents a house on a local lake. Last year I had to identify the Kudu, the sable, etc as well as some Asian and European heads. I’d like to see the guys real game room. We’re more interested in gravy than gun control. I’m interested to see what Christy has for us this year

  6. Everytown knows how to tell a fairy tale, that’s about it.

    1. Violent knife, bludgeoning, rape, strangling crime leading to death is (collectively) 87x higher in gun ban higher-income countries.

    2. It is 100% false that people with guns kill people more efficiently. In almost 77% of gun shots inflicted by criminals the victims live – where in 96% of victims with multiple stab or multiple bludgeoning wounds inflicted by criminals using knives or blunt objects the victims die.

    • Now do how many shots miss vs how many knife strikes miss. Then do collateral damage of gunm vs knife attacks.

      • Yep, guns are among the most inefficient AND ineffective way for a mass murderer to kill….but in that imminent confrontation a gun is the most effective way for a defender to ‘quickly’ stop a mass murderer or other violent criminal by more than 1,500 times more effective compared to any other method (e.g. physically, blunt objects, sharpened objects, pepper/mace spray, barricading).

        EveryTown is so full of crap and false and deception.

    • yep, basically: Vehicle Explodes At US/Canada Border, All Western NY Border Crossings Closed, Buffalo International Closed.

      Apparently the bomber went to a casino in NY first. So far, updated in other sources: Police have reportedly ID’d the owner of the vehicle and looked at videos in the area to locate the vehicle prior to the incident. They found the car, apparently at a nearby casino in NY before the incident.

      • “Apparently the bomber went to a casino in NY first. ”

        The car was a 300,000 dollar Bentley, that went airborne what looked like 100 feet before hitting a building and exploding :

        • Well, if I pay $300,000.00 dollars for a Bentley it damn well better fly too.

          Gheesh, it did fly a distance though when it left the road.

          So it exploded on impact from the crash or exploded on impact because there was a bomb in the car?

          What a waste, I mean, he could have flown it into Hochuls’ residence and possibly done something useful.

        • Ok, it was the car exploding on impact. There were no signs of explosives found in the wreckage – there was no bomb and no signs of a ‘terrorist attack’. There were two people in the car, both dead.

          What they are currently saying: The vehicle was apparently parked on a street, and then took off at a high rate of speed, (possibly driver loosing control?) then striking a curb ‘area’ and went airborne.

        • OK, more info now.

          It was a New York ‘couple’ that had been planning on attending a Kiss concert in Toronto that night.

          Law enforcement sources told CNN on Wednesday night that the Rainbow Bridge crash is believed to have involved a local New York individual and a passenger who had planned to attend a KISS concert in Toronto, Canada.

          The concert was cancelled earlier in the day due to frontman, Paul Stanley, falling ill with the flu. The pair instead headed to a casino not far from the border.

          They think the vehicle stopped at Seneca Niagara Resort & Casino only for a matter of minutes shortly before the crash occurred.

          It remains unclear whether the crash was intentional or accidental, but investigators are looking at the possibility the driver may have suffered a medical emergency.

        • but…..all this being said…there is something else here…something I think they are hiding and not telling…in short I think this was not just a ‘odds so astronomically against this happening’ ‘car crash’ thing. but time will tell, I’m not a big conspiracy guy but there is something not right with the narrative the government is putting out on this.

  8. Tofurky, that’s funny🙂..
    I’m not sure but isnt tofu made out of soy beans?
    Soy beans ain’t so good for you.
    Somthing about proteins, cant remember, but it wasnt good.
    Eating plastic.
    Gluck Gluck goes the Tofurky

    • Phytoestrogens, possum, and other endocrine system disruptors. Gay frogs. You should see the folk who work at and populate the local vegan bakery. Pierced, rainbow hair, scary thin, sickley, sallow complexions, and joyless. They use soy and sugar. You would not want to forage on their cadavers.

      Soy is good for making plastic.

      • I was in a Whole Foods once in Salt Lake City. Young, lily white man had dreads, discs in his ears and covered in tats. Asked him what the tats meant and he said, and I kid you not, that they were ‘tribal’.

        I asked him what tribe? Northern European Honkey? My wife won’t let me go to whole foods with her anymore.

        • “My wife won’t let me go to whole foods with her anymore.”

          Join the crowd. Maybe your wife and mine are related somehow. Probably a tribal thing.

        • Thanks, needed the laugh!

          Tough to believe some of the things I hear from supposedly sentient beings. Some percentage of them are just stupid, but the entire rest of that bunch must be satisfied with shared delusions. At least that is the only explanation I can think of while primarily thinking of tomorrows turkey pig out.

      • @LS

        …and soy sauce for Asian cuisine.

        You nailed the appearance of most vegan persons I’ve seen.

        A traditional Old Guy Thanksgiving blessing upon you and yours…May you eat until sleepy and nap until hungry…repeat as necessary throughout the Day.

        • Soy sauce is pretty good stuff. If you brew the roast beans and add plenty of salt and MSG to the liquid it becomes a magic umami exilir.

          Everything in moderation. They make soy protein into these little chewy sausage-like balls that can be pretty good if prepared right, especially if you fry them in bacon fat. It makes some of the best tasting sausage balls I’ve ever had.

      • @LS

        Thank you for your “4-F” blessing. It is warm and heartfelt…I immediately passed it on to my family and the retired group of misfits that I hang out with at the range and church.

    • Most if not all of these “meat substitute” products are so heavily processed they make hot dogs look natural.

      I see them on permanent clearance sale in the supermarket. No one wants to buy them.

    • We’ve been going to restaurant’s for Thanksgiving for several years. Years ago when my leftard brother & goofy wife would gather with my other brother the Reverend’s family we had some spirited talk(he said they moved back to America to vote for Obama). After the summer of love in 2020 eff ’em…

    • My first question was perhaps it was a Tesla? They are known to spontaneously zoom ahead, crash into something and then self allahu ackbar!

  10. Just the Missus and myself. Heaven.

    Turkey breasts are on the smoker and should be out in 30 minutes.

    Don’t know when we’ll eat dinner, but I’ve scheduled my turkey, stuffing and cranberry sammie for 2000 hours already.

  11. Marxists are not welcome at my table.

    Anyone arguing against my Second Amendment rights will be escorted from the dining room to the front door post haste and handed their coats and hats and promptly bid adieu.

    Good night and GFY suckers!

  12. “The US gun homicide rate is 26 x than other high-income countries.”

    That’s very snobbish. Apparently the ‘poors’ don’t matter.

    • There really aren’t any nations like the US. We are not a homogenous group that practices one faith. We were born from revolution and settled by violence. And we have a violent, fascist led revolution going on now. It remains to be seen how it will work out.

      • jwm
        “we were born from revolution and settled by violence ”
        and the leftist scum seem to want to see how far they can push us around.
        Do they really want to FAFO ?
        Happy Thanksgiving to all !
        except leftist scum of course

  13. Typical stupidity from paranoid globalists and simple-headed socialists. They deny too easy how cars are far more dangerous than firearms ever were. Such nonsense is to be expected from the narrow-minded and ignorant sheep in society.

    • Same here. Takes these publicists forever to finish their job. Excellent article that is ruined by Zuckerberg-type “moderation”. Ridiculous.

      • Yes, I got whacked earlier this week.
        The AI the TTAG owners use is outa control.

        🤔, hmmm, who owns TTAG now anyway?
        Is RF still enjoying “retirement “?

        • Farago owes me for a plate of fried tators.
          And the silver Prius with the baby groot sticker is still a mystery.

        • Possum, thank you for bringing up a confusing old memory. I think we’ve been on here too long.

        • Owned by some corporate entity and closely controlled by the NSSF which strongly supports Redflag confiscation and Safe-storage laws. Larry Keane is a regular “contributor” here and pens an article every couple of days. The NSSF is even Fuddier than the NRA when it comes to Negotiating Rights Away.

  16. Looking to have around 20 adults and 10 kids under 15 for the feast Thursday.
    Weather permitting we will likely burn up some gunpowder before the meal. And will adjourn to the main house or cabin to lay around and grown about over stuffed bellies.
    None of the family nor any of the friends coming over are in any way anti gun, so things should go well enough.
    One of the boys brought over a couple wild turkey’s, I have a nice ham from a feral hog I harvested this past spring, along with a couple legs of lamb from the neighbor who will be joining us. Dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, Brussel’s sprouts, Hubbard squash, my version of sweet potato casserole, sautéed green beans, stuffed mushrooms, apple and sweet potato pies, home made wine, mead and beer. Iced tea, both sweet and unsweet, and Everything comes from what we harvested/hunted, grew in the gardens, or raised on the farm, except for the tea and sodas. Well that and a few of the spices and sugar. And of course the hard liquors we may enjoy later. Stats and Feds don’t allow home made booze.
    I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable Thanksgiving and remembers the many things we really should be thankful for.

  18. High Income Gun-Free Japan has an Intentional Death Rate (Homicides + Suicides) that is 32% HIGHER than the Intentional Death Rate in Gun-Abundant USA.

    Where there’s a will, there’s ALWAYS a way !!!

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