Letterman hasn’t been particularly funny since late in the first Clinton administration. But as this Top Ten shows, some of his writers aren’t bad and even a blind squirrel finds that occasional acorn. This list isn’t new (it’s apparently been passed around more than Paris Hilton on a Saturday night), just new to us. [h/t to Tim Ellis and the indispensable Chive.]

#10 – You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 – You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you’re on the road.

#8 – If you admire a friend’s gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 – Your primary gun doesn’t mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 – Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 – A gun doesn’t take up a lot of closet space.

#4 – Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 – A gun doesn’t ask, “Do these new grips make me look fat?”

#2 – A gun doesn’t mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason why men prefer guns to women…

#1 – You can buy a silencer for a gun

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45 COMMENTS

    • This Top 10 could just as easily be turned against men. Lighten up. Like women don’t say similarly derogatory things towards men? The battle of the sexes is the longest running battle in history, with no end in sight.

      • I care less about the top 10 than I do about the shot at Paris Hilton. I don’t consider this a low brow website, but when you see this stuff on post after post…

        • You guys need to lighten up now and again – must be our Liberal gun lovers! Go buy a latte from Starbucks already.

          And FWIW, Paris needs the attention, she has been out of the spotlight for a while – this can only help her.

          • I bought plenty of coffee today. I wish some of my family members could hear you call me a liberal. It has nothing to do with Paris Hilton, it’s the gist of the comment, and the many others like it on this site. It does not help our credibility as a serious group, and it does dissuade (as another poster mentioned) as certain female demographic.

            There are other ways to offer comedic relief to what is often a very technical sport.

    • It’s this kind of subservient mindset that keeps your balls in a jar and your bank account under the control of a woman. Lame.

  3. I wouldn’t even give him credit for being funny with this one. All of those have been floating around the Internets for a good long while now. Nothing new or original at all.

    I used to enjoy his show back when I was in college, but then he went off the deep end and became the Rosie O’Donnell of late night TV. I stopped watching that Obama-Loving socialist a long time ago.

  5. FWIW, I don’t see this as misogynist. It’s a joke.

    I’ve seen similar lists of why X is better than men – and have laughed.

    If you cannot laugh at yourself, then you have other problems. As my mother used to tell me when I’d complain about how someone at school had hurt my feelings:

    “Well, maybe your feelings are sticking out too far.”

  8. As Dan states, don’t give Letterman full credit for being the originator. I first saw this list on a T-shirt for sale at the NRA Whittington Center in New Mexico last year. My wife loved it.

  9. My wife’s reasons for preferring a gun to her husband:
    10. When you pull the trigger, a gun doesn’t say “I’ll do it tomorrow, honey.”
    9. You can buy the gun new, and don’t have to worry where it’s been.
    8. You don’t have to do any prep to get the gun’s barrel straight.
    7. When you fire your semi-auto, it’s instantly ready to fire again…and again.
    6. You don’t have to cook anything to make your gun happy.
    5. You can easily lock up your gun to keep other users away from it.
    4. If you’re a bit interested in two guns, they don’t start punching each other.
    3. If you decide you want to have a little gun or two, your big gun doesn’t get a two-month anxiety attack.
    2. You can nag your gun all day and it can still perform.
    And:
    1. If you impulsively choose a pistol, you can trade it in for a nice long gun guilt free.

  10. “Letterman hasn’t been particularly funny since late in the first Clinton administration.” I beg to differ. Letterman has never been funny.

  11. This post brings a topic to mind about gun control. Quite a few men would benefit if ‘common sense’ marriage regulation existed.

    Take the following:

    If the wife becomes a shrew, hand her off to a buyback program .No questions will be asked and the government will not file any paperwork.

    If a woman has any two prohibited negative character traits , she cannot be married in the state. The list includes drug use, ex boyfriends with criminal records, and compulsive deception. If an appeal is made to a circuit court for “probable cause” a permit for marriage may be issued.

    In light of the unpleasant business with Tiger Woods and the Brad& Angelina Jolie fiasco, marrying a supermodel or actress requires a $200 tax stamp and a six month background check. The stamp is obviously non-transferrable.

    After relations with a bar conquest, both participants are barred from stating the word ‘relationship’ until the 72 hour waiting period has expired .In the case of Las Vegas a 10 day waiting period is required before initiating wedding vows.

    Last but not least, * **any and all commitments made within 5 hours of sexual contact on the part of the male are null and unenforceable without a notary’s signature and a certification by the local sheriff’s department***.

  12. Actually this is a recycled joke from the 80s. I am old enough to remember it from the first time around. Time Dave got some new material

  14. This looks like the perfect place to run my ad.
    Wanted: Gun for my wife. Apron included.

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