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69 COMMENTS

  1. Except for the black powder rifle, there’s no carbon footprint. And we only use that as a last resort.

  2. Introducing the new model of bicycle for the modern day Chicago Bike Messenger. The “Chirag 2000”. Rahm Emmanuel approved!!!

  3. When Britain disarmed its citizenry, Nigel and Ollie resolved to flee the island via the English Channel – with Scotland Yard it hot pursuit.

  4. After being chased by Black Shuck while on his way to the pub for a pint, Archibald swore he’d be ready for it next time.

  5. Nobody needs a multi gear, multi caliber, high capacity assault bicycle with a seat thing that goes up!

  6. The first testing of a ballistic propulsion system ended in failure when it was determined that a .38 provided insufficient braking force.

  7. …and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their firearms into bicycles: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.

  8. Lance Armstrong showed that a cyclist needs an edge, but the Smith & Wesson Cycling Team took things a bit too far.

  9. Neighbors pit bull chasing you every time you ride your bike down the street? Contact ACME. We have a sweet deal on this one of a kind bike.

    Ordered by a Mr. Wile E. Coyote and unfortunately never delivered because of a tragic accident involving Mr. Coyote and a large rock.

  10. The first prototype rapid response vehicle for the L.A. original SWAT team. They had a very small budget.

  11. Dick Van Dike in ‘ Shitty Chitty Bang Bang ‘
    Every where we go , Shitty Chitty we depend , Bang Bang Shitty Chitty Bang Bang , our fine two fender friend .

  12. In his latest effort to “Make Hitler Littler”, Basil St John Fortesque assembled a bicycle corps to make a one man army. When this failed due to insufficiency of Bovril, he enlisted his nephew Nigel, a spiv from Accrington, to help propel his tandem version. After ten minutes, Nigel pushed off to take Doris to a nightclub run by Italians of dubious repute. This left Basil stranded, so he surrendered to a passing Luftwaffe parachutist, who promptly surrendered back. He finally pushed the tandem into a canal, where it remains to this day.

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